Forgetting

what people do to just forget.

 

 

 

Cool night air drifts in through an open window

Winding itself around my arms

And across my naked flesh.

I turn to where the man was only hours ago

To find it empty

Again I am left on my own

Alone.

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

I turn on some music

Some slow instrumental

And close my eyes

Enjoying the touch of the cool night air upon my skin.

Cars driving by disturbs my peace

So I turn up the music even louder

Until all that exists is the music and the breeze.

 

(the man, what man?)

Author's Note

not based off truth.. just something that came to mind.
any suggestions or help or anything really would be a great help!
(also the last line... the little writing, just supposed to be that the person is refusing to acknowledge that there was ever a man there, just trying to forget it happened.)

Reviews

[holly]

This is a real step forward in your craft. I see things in this poem that are signs of poetic victories to come.
You use fewer but well chosen words to make the reader "see" you (or the narrator). I'm very happy for you.
I hesitate to offer any suggestions. There's no fault in the poem. The only thoughts I have on the structure are (as usual) about what could be removed to make it more focused. Sometimes removing the usual conversational signifiers helps. Here's an example:
"The cool night air drifts in through the open window" could be *Cool night air drifts through the open window*. Say the two sentences out loud and see which sounds more like music. Since you've chosen music as a way to express the narrator's aloofness, making the lines almost musical might be a good choice.

I REALLY LIKED THIS POEM. The last 3 lines are really fine.