Right Next To Me

i hope someone can relate

Out of all the places

You sat right next to me

My heart races

And my stomach is now the butterfly trap

Hands went from dry and ashy

To soggy

I seem to be skipping a breath

This clean air feels…heavy

If I told my heart what is happening

He wouldn’t believe me

And my ears have deceived me

Because it sounded like you spoke to me

I felt your eyes against my cheek

I guess it is my turn to speak

My first words were no less surprising as ones spoken by a toddler

“uuuhhhh”

Which evolved into “excuse me”

With the warmest smile you told me you were waiting for awhile

And if I happen to have the time

“I do!”….want to marry you

I thought to myself but until then

Its 10:30am                                                             

Reviews

[Emily]

This is playful, fun and entertaining. I would read it out loud and find the few little flow hiccups. "The clean air feels ... smoggy" caught me off guard the most. Smoggy takes away from the heavy feeling that you're writing about because you've been caught up in the intensity of the overall feeling. "The clean air feels... heavy" is another idea which might work.

:-) nice, playful piece!

[WayzWithWordz]

thanks emily, i changed it and it feels....better