Nostalgic Stimulants

Written: December 31, 2015

Have you ever had a moment where a certain stimuli takes you back to a simpler time in the past?

When life was lived carelessly, never thinking further and pretending the day could never be our last.

For me being around my family during the holidays brings back the memories that went by so fast. 

Memories of when innocence and ignorance birth the bliss that seemed invisible in a world so vast. 

The sight of toys as far as the eye can see, or towering over us like a sky scraper

The sounds of children laughter and the scornful voice of our respected care taker. 

The smell of zero stress expected when play-doh fills up the nose instead of hookah vapor.

The taste of no responsibilities served from our personal chefs, baby sitters, maids, and bakers. 

How lucky was it that I grew up with things only the family fortune could provide. 

Growing up having not a care in the world and now struggling to set my problems aside.

Hardest thing for a teenager is concealing emotions but they're still expecting me to hide. 

The happiness of my future depends on how well my emotions can appreciate a euphoria tide. 

As a kid, I might of made mistakes along the way of structuring a life that's not brutal. 

But screwing up back then seems a lot less stressful than screwing up right when its crucial. 

It's about time I start coming clean and accept my mistakes, and if I'm going to be completely truthful

I might as well right all my wrongs by analyzing the flaws of my past and present to make myself useful. 

Now how grand would it be if I was given the chance to start over with all experience at hand. 

Not all sense is common, especially in the mind of youth who are prone to not understand. 

That life doesn't always get better as time progresses and problems never cease to expand. 

These problems lead to poorly made decisions, and it takes away the childhood happiness by command. 

Problems no matter the situation, big or small, it served as a distraction

That took away from the bliss I so desperately sought after and repelled the attraction. 

Sorrow and pain demands to be felt but happiness something that needs no way of contraction.

Curse my obviousness that inclined me to feel the joyous emotion but enjoy it only as a fraction. 

Nostalgic? Perhaps, but at the very least wanting to start from the beginning with all the experiences.

So simplistic, yet still so impossible and it's about time the present and I set aside our differences

Not completely content with the so called "gift" I have, but I will continue to keep up appearances. 

My biggest fear is my future, because my past and current self never understood the seriousness. 

I had a billion different kinds of amusement that had the ability to calm the sorrow and rage.  

But as a kid, I had no sense of appreciation for my surroundings, and moments of that page. 

Such details and aspects of life are too complicated to value at such an immature and vulnerable age. 

Obviously I was too late to fully comprehend this, now imagine if only knew this at my earliest stage. 

I lived a life of luxury and was blind to see that this way of living couldn't get any finer.

No senses of continuing when my past is where I truly belong and death couldn't be any kinder. 

Nostalgic is an understatement when these stimulants attempt to serve as a permanent reminder

That I could be much happier now if I learned to embrace the youthful stress that was always minor.