Chapter 32- Connected By Rape- February 11th, 10 PM

Kyle wants to know more about Trevor, but Trevor seems reluctant, but will he come around?

I gave Trevor his space after he found out that his father striked again, but I would have never guessed that his father would be the one that raped me, and then I meet him in the same mental hospital at the same exact time. That is definitely more than coincidence.

            “Alright everybody!” Michelle announces over the loud voices in the room. “Time for all of us to head to bed because tomorrow is fast approaching and we don’t want any grumpy pants in the morning!” Everyone gets up and puts everything away that they had out. We all make for the exit and head towards our rooms.

            “Have a good night.” Michelle tells me.

            “You too.” I say kind of softly. As I’m walking back to my room I see no sight of Jamie or Trevor in the hallway�"they must be in the room already, I thought to myself. I approached my door and it was almost closed. Hmmm? That seems strange because all of us are ready for bed and they know I’m still coming, right? I open the door and I see Jamie holding Trevor, and Trevor is crying his head off. I walk over to him. I look deep into his sobbing eyes and he looks into mine. I instantly feel his connection, his pain, and his struggles. His ocean blue eyes were destroyed by the black pupils and he is having a rough time. He leaned up from Jamie and he instantly hugs me as fast as he can.

            “I’m so sorry, Kyle!” He wails. I’m confused. Why is he apologizing? Its not his fault that his father decided to be a major a*****e of life and raped him and I. I wrap my arms around his skinny petite body as tight as I can. I feel a tear come down my face.

            “It’s not your fault,” I tell him softly.

            “Yes, it is!” He continues to wail loudly. We hear a knock on the door.

            “Come in.” Jamie says. Victoria enters the room while Trevor and I are still tightly hugging. His hugs feel so sincere.

            “Is everything okay in here guys? Anything I can help with?” She asks.

            “Not really,” Jamie tells her.

            “What’s going on?” I let go of Trevor and falls right onto my bed into a feeble position, still sobbing very loudly.

            “He feels like its his fault that his father went and raped me.” I tell her. She has a very concerned look on her face. She bends down to Trevor and tries to calm him down.

            “I know its hard, Trev. It really is, but these guys and I are here to help you through everything. I am always available to talk, no matter what.”

            “I know.” He tells her. He continues to sob for a few more seconds before he finally appears to start feeling better.

            “Are you okay?” She asks him.

            “Yeah, I’ll be okay. I think I just need to talk to Kyle more.”

            “Okay.” She looks at him like a mother would at an upset child. “Don’t stay up too late because tomorrow is the big day for you.”

            “Yeah, I know.” He looks down.

            “Is there anything else I can help?”

            “I’m all set,” Jamie tells her. I drift off into thought about Trevor and how hard his life must be. Jamie jerks my arm.

            “Sa-same,” I stutter. Victoria closes the door very softly and gently so that it can barely be heard. Jamie and I stare at each other, confused on what each other should do. Trevor’s soft crying can still be heard and the no-talking is killing me�"I could literally break the what-do-we-do feeling with a butter knife. After about a minute that feels like an eternity, I finally break the silence.

            “Do you still want to talk, Trevor?” He has now stopped crying and facing towards us, but looking down at the floor. After a few seconds, he nods his head.

            “I’m going to turn the light off and go to bed,” Jamie yawns. I sit on my bed and slowly spread my body across the bed, next to Trevor. Jamie climbs into his bed turns the knob to shut the light off. Everything is dark and quiet�"all that can be heard is Trevor’s occasional sniffling. I can feel Trevor’s body heat coming extensively off of him.

            “So what you want to talk about?” I whisper to him. He once again stays silent for a few seconds until he finally replies.

            “Nothing in particular. I just want to talk. I never get to talk to anyone, and I feel a special connection with you Kyle, I really do. You know exactly how I’m feeling because my father did the same thing to you that he did to me,” he tells me.

            “I know… I know.” I don’t know what to tell him. I really feel bad for him and myself, but its not going to fix us. “Would it make you feel better if you told me your story and progress to here?” I suggest.

            “Where do I even start? So I guess I was adopted. I don’t know from where though, but I know it is somewhere in this area. Anyways, I grew up as an only child and had no one to play with because I was really shy, and had a hard time making friends. For a majority of my life I’ve kept to myself and no one knew anything about me.”

            “I understand you there. I’ve always kept to myself, that’s why I’m here…” I trail on. There is an utter silence for a few seconds, like he is trying to absorb what I just said. “Sorry, keep going,” I tell him.

            “As early as I can remember, I was about six years old, when my mother was out grocery shopping, my dad called me into the house. It was a hot summer day, so I was obviously outside playing in my little pool. When all of a sudden my dad comes out and calls me inside. He tells me he has something important to tell me. Being young and innocent, I didn’t think much of it. I followed him into his room, and he proceeded to lock the bedroom door and close the window, along with the blind and shade. I asked him,

‘What are you doing, daddy?’

‘Don’t worry about it, Trevor.’ His voice sounded calm to me, but I was still confused what was happening. Before he showed what he could show me, he told me I needed to dry off. He grabbed a bathroom towel and laid it on his bed. He grabbed me by the waist and swung me in the air and onto the towel. I, of course, giggle. He wipes my legs and feet off. He then tells me he needs to dress me. I was confused�"I was a big boy, I didn’t need help getting dressed, but again, I didn’t question it. He slipped my bathing suit off of my tiny body, leaving butt naked. I noticed his eyes glimmered at the fact that I was naked. He then told that this was the surprise. His massive, rough hands starting stroking my tiny little penis. I was confused what he was doing to me. My mom always told not to let anyone see or touch my privates, but this was dad, so I thought it was okay.

            He closed his eyes and began make quiet grunting noises as he starts to jerk me a little bit harder. No one has ever told me about someone doing this, but I’m assuming it is normal between father and son. About thirty seconds go by and he starts to grunt a little bit harder, and his jerks are getting faster and harsher. They are starting to hurt.

            ‘Daddy, this hurts!’ I tell him.

            ‘Shut up!’ He yells at me. I am taken and scared because he had never yelled at me before. I start to feel scared and proceed to cry a little.

            ‘Will you stop your whining?’ He barks at me. This just makes me cry harder. His hand lets go of my penis and he pulls my shorts back onto my waist.

            ‘You’re not being a good boy right now!” He looks straight into my eyes, and I start to fear for my life. He covers my mouth.

            ‘Now you don’t say anything about this anyone, understand?’ I nod my head agreement, just waiting for this horror, which now has scarred my brain, to end. If you do tell anyone, you’re going to be in big trouble, and next time, it will be much worse.’ He gets up from off the bed and unlocks the door.

            ‘Now, go!’ He yells. I run crying into my room, not knowing what to do.”

            “Oh my god, Trevor. That is absolutely terrible,” I tell him, getting teary-eyed myself.

            “I know, and that is just the beginning. Over the last nine years, he has tied me up each and every time he wanted to rape me, and each and every time, he has threatened me that if I tell anyone that he will kill me and my mother. What made it really worse for the last couple of years is the fact is that I’m bisexual and I enjoy the attention of other boys, but not his horrid a*s!”

            “Really? I’m gay, same with Jamie. That’s so ironic that none of them are straight, but yeah, he threatened me the same exact way.” I tell him.

            “Damn, I really feel bad for anyone else who has been raped.”

             “Yeah I know.” I look away, but its not like he’s going to notice or anything because it is pitch black. “Are you still awake over there, Jamie?” I ask him curiously. No response. He must be fast asleep.

            “So how did you get in here?” I ask him.

            “So last year, my dad got a job at Billings, Idaho Spa Treatments delivering products throughout this part of the US.” He tells me. Yeah, I know, he f*****g raped in one of those goddamn vans. Curses, another reminder. Wonderful… “A little background first. I’ve been self-harming for about three years now and there is no other way to get my pain, I’ve tried. I’m tried committing suicide many times, but I’ve chickened out several times, except for two times. Usually I pretty good at concealing my scars and cuts on my body, but back in early November, I made a mistake of wearing a short sleeve shirt around her. I thought she had left to go somewhere before I went to go take a shower, but when I came out, she was right there. She noticed my scars and cuts right away. She of course questioned everything and I finally fessed up, and the only reason why I fessed up so easily is because my father was gone on a major delivery in Wyoming, and I knew he wouldn’t be home for a few days.”

            “Did your mom want to put you in a mental hospital?” I ask.

            “Yes, but I didn’t want to go because I knew my father would find out I told someone.”

            “So how long have you been here?”

            “My father raped you the night he was supposed to return from his delivery, but he never did�"he fled after that. My mom and I agreed that I was going to be okay because the rape stopped and I could starting recovering, but that never happened. The memories, the horror, the trauma, the everything gave flooding back into my mind all the time. So finally I snapped on January 6^th, and tried committing suicide by cutting my wrist.”

            “Wait a minute!” I say.

            “January 6^th? That’s the day I tried committing suicide too!” I recall.

            “Seriously?” Trevor exclaims quietly.

            “Yeah.”

            “Wow, that’s crazy.” He tells me.

            “I was put in here about three weeks ago and have only achieved like 12 points because I’ve been so “uncooperative” and “disruptive”, but whatever.”

            “This is all nuts. I can’t believe how similar how paths are to get here, and to meet Jamie here is absolutely crazy.” I am at a loss for words and I don’t understand how much more similar this kid and I could be.

            “It sure is,” his voice trials on once again. All of a sudden, I feel a wave of sleepiness overcome me.

            “I think it is time for bed, it is getting late,” I yawn.

            “Yeah it is.” Trevor turns on side and rests his head on the pillow next to mine. Does he realize that this is my bed? Oh well. I rest my head on pillow and close my eyes. I wrap my arms around Trevor’s small body to make him feel comforted.

            “Thank you, Kyle.” He tells me.

            “You’re welcome. If you need me to talk at all, don’t hesitate.” I tell him.

            “Okay. Goodnight.”

            “Goodnight.” I tell him. I lie there for a few seconds in the realization in just in 45 minutes that I’ve made an extremely close friend that has been through what I have, and that mean the whole world to me. I’m engulfed in Trevor’s warm body and I soon fall into a deep sleep full of peacefulness.