Surpise! It's Going to be a Good One- Chapter 8- November 20th, 9 AM

After starting to cut, Kyle has no way left to turn. He doesn't trust anyone, and he can't tell anyone unless he wants his family dead.

Saturday�"the day most people worship to see every week. Lately I’m grateful to wake up to a Saturday because it means I can stay home and not get tormented. I’m grateful that my birthday at least landed on a Saturday this year because I wouldn’t want it to land on a weekday because I wouldn’t want to get bullied and harassed on my birthday. This is the last day I will be happy because I won’t get another one in my short life, so I’m going to make it remarkable.

            I woke on my side with one headphone still stuck in my ear, I must’ve fallen asleep with them in my ears. Oh well, not the first time that’s happened. I don’t expect much out of my birthday, but I’m going to try to stay in the most optimistic mood I can. My phone is still sitting next to me, but it is dead because it played music most of the night. I uncover myself from my three blankets and grab the end of my charger from the top of my dresser. I plug my charger into a wall outlet and plug my phone in. I swing open my bedroom door and head for the bathroom. I try to walk as softly as I can. Tip toe, tip toe. I’m not sure if my mom is up or not. Her bedroom door is shut, but it is shut most of the time anyways. I make it to the bathroom as quietly as I can. I closed the door and did my biz for the morning. Once I was done, I flush and went to wash my hands. I stared at myself in the mirror. My dark brown eyes are gleaming back at me. I know, eyes, I’m hideous. No�"stop! Need to keep in a happy mood all day. That’s mean no negative feelings, no cutting, no looking at my cuts, no suicidal thoughts. Not today.

            I head back to my room and sit on my bed. I blankly stare into space on some distance object in my room. Abruptly, my phone vibrates.

Jamie: Hey bud J  Oh yay! Jamie! I almost forgot I had Jamie, he’s probably wishing me a happy birthday.

Me: Hi J

Jamie: Happy Birthday!

Me: Thank you J Appreciate it.

Jamie: You’re welcome. How could I forget? We’re like twins here.

Me: Lol, yeah I know.

Jamie: So hey, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today. I haven’t seen a lot of you lately, so I wanted to catch up. Plus I got you a present ;) Sweet! Jamie is awesome and thoughtful! I love him to death, it sucks that I’ll have to leave him behind. I know he’ll miss me, but I know he will understand, I hope.

Me: Awhh! You didn’t have to bud! You’re awesome. Do you wanna come over here or do you want me to go over there?

Jamie: Doesn’t matter to me. I can go over there if you want me to.

Me: Sure! 10:30 work for you?

Jamie: Sure, see you then!

            Yes! Finally someone to talk to. Wait! I don’t want Jamie to see my scars and cuts. He will know for sure that something is up. I’ll need to hide them as best as I can. I need to get ready. I go into my bedroom and grab a pair of nice jeans and a long sleeve shirt from my dresser and go into the bathroom. I take a nice hot relaxing shower. I notice my razor just sitting there on the counter all alone, it looks lonely. No! You don’t need it, Kyle! It’s like it’s calling me. Use me! Use me! You need me. No! Please? My life feels empty as is, I need someone here for me, and that razor is my double-edged sword. It feels good as it tears my skin to pieces. Pressure, gone. Blood is running down my arm. These cuts are getting that much closer to my artery, and they are getting that much deeper. Cut all the skin, it doesn’t matter to me, it just feels so damn good. I sigh in relief. Phew, now this day is going to be great since I got that out of me. Stop it! Snap out of it, Kyle! What the f**k are you doing? This isn’t helping you, but there is no other way. Whatever, its life.

            I turn off the water and open the shower curtain. I grab my towel and begin to dry my body. I stare at myself in the mirror, I smile. Something that I haven’t done in a while�"it kind of feels nice. My heart is starting to tingle, I get to see Jamie today. I finish drying myself and start getting dressed. I spike my bangs just a little just to look nice. I exit the bathroom, and head downstairs. I slowly pace myself down the stairs, try not to drive too much attention to myself from my mom. I see my mom with her back turned, I think she’s doing the morning dishes. I walk softly into the kitchen, my feet barely making noise as they slide across the floor. My mom nods her head to the side just a little bit.

            “Good morning, Kyle!” She says.

            “Morning mom,” I say blandly. She turns around, wipes her hand on a towel and come towards me.

            “Happy birthday honey!” She says while giving me a hug. I hug her back. We both let go after a few seconds. Human contact seems almost non-existent for me because I haven’t gotten a hug from my mom in about a month. 

            “Thank you,”

            “You’re welcome. So do you want to do anything special today?”

            “Well, I actually had plans today.”

            “Oh?” My mom questions.

            “Is it alright if Jamie comes over for the day, I told him that 10:30 was alright.”

            “Yeah, that’s fine honey,” she tells me.

            “Awesome,” I smile. I proceed to make my way over to the freezer to grab something quick to eat. I actually feel eating today�"I’m not use to eating anymore. I grab a ham and cheese Hot Pocket from one of the boxes. I put the hot pocket in the microwave for two minutes, but just before I put the timer on, I notice it was already 10:20. S**t, I need to eat this quick and then brush my teeth. It’s getting closer to 10:30, I’m getting extremely anxious now.

“Come on, come on” I tell the microwave, cook faster. Finally it beeps. I take it out of the microwave and let it cool for a minute. I usually let it cool for a few minutes because it is very hot, but I have to scarf it down before Jamie gets here. I don’t care if I burn my mouth out. I just need to get it down.

10:27. S**t, he will be here any minute. I rush up upstairs to the bathroom, and swiftly grab my toothbrush and toothpaste. I rapidly brush my teeth, trying to get every spot. Spit. Rinse. Mouthwash. Ahh, nice n’ clean. I quickly rush back downstairs to see Jamie’s car pulling in. Just in time. I don’t know why I’m nervous to see him, but I am. Maybe because I’m not use to talking or associating with the outside world anymore. I’ve barely talked to him since Wednesday, but even before that we haven’t talked much since the summer. Should I meet him out there? Should I let him come in? Should I let him knock? I don’t know. Whatever, I’ll just him out there. He walks up my walkway and up my three steps to my door. I quickly open the door for him. I smile.

            “Hello,” I say.

            “Hey,” he says while coming in. He takes his shoes off by the door and stands next to me.

            “It’s kinda weird hanging out again, you know?” I tell him.

            “Yeah, I know. We haven’t done it for a while, but it’s always nice when we can.” He says.

            “Yeah I know,” I chuckle.  We stand there in my living room in dead, awkward silence for about twenty seconds until my mom comes in.

            “Hi Jamie, how are you?”

            “Hi, I’m okay, how are you?” He asks my mom.

            “I’m good, thank you,” she smiles. “How’s your Mom doing? Is still working with the insurance company?”

            “Yeah, she is.”

            “Nice, that’s good.” We awkwardly stand in silence for a seconds. Can you go now mom? “Well, I will let you boys be and I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me,” she tells us.

            “Thanks mom,” I grumble.

“Let’s head up to my room.” I finally say.

            “Sure!” He exclaims. He follows me up the stairs to my bedroom, I lead him in, I shut my door after we are both in.

            “So how’s your job going?” He asks while I’m shutting the door. F**k, that’s right. He knew about.

“Um…” I need to come up with a lame-a*s excuse instead of hesitating. “I couldn’t handle it.” I told him.

“What do you mean?”

“I could tell that the job would affect my grades because I couldn’t get my homework done for the next day.” I told him. I didn’t look him in the eye while I told him that. I wonder if he can tell that I’m lying because I almost always look him in the eyes, and I have the tendency to not look him in the eyes when I’m lying.

“Kyle, you didn’t even give it a chance.” He tells me.

“It is for me, Jamie! I wasn’t use to it, and especially when I only have one study hall a day, it would be hard.

“Kyle, I can tell that isn’t the reason why.” My heart just f*****g drops to the floor, he knows that something is up. He could tell that I’m lying. “What’s the real reason, Kyle?” F**k! F**k! F**k! Should I tell him? I don’t him to know because he will try and get help for me. Tears! That’s it! If I cry he will feel show me some sympathy, and maybe I can make something up or I can fess up. I don’t want to fess up though because my rapist will know if I told anyone, but then again, how he will know if I swear Jamie to secrecy? I feel a tears coming, they are not hard to produce�"I’ve cried enough in the past three days. I try to fight them back to make it realistic, but I let one slip down because then he will know that something is bothering me. “Come on, Kyle! What’s wrong?” I can hear sympathy in his voice, it is working. More tears come     sprinting down my face. He sits on my bed next to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. Alright, now it is time to make something up. I have cancer, no. I lost my grandmother, no. I was raped. Touching. Stroking. Inappropriate. Cuts. Self-harm. His face. The first day. Rape. It’s screaming inside me, let it out. It’s no longer fake tears�"these are real ones. Everything that has happened to me in the last three days is being let out. They are being let out now!

I break down and start wailing.

“What’s going on, Kyle!” Jamie wails at me. “You can tell me anything, and you know that!” He adds in. I look up slightly and see a tear rolling down his face. I can’t hold it in any longer, he needs to know.

“I was raped! Okay?!” I looked up�"his face froze. He finally moved after a few seconds. I could sense the tension just grew that much more in the room. He covered his mouth with both hands. Tears streamed down his face uncontrollably, almost like he got a case of Niagara Falls.

“Oh my god, Kyle!” He wrapped his arms around me with a tight hug. “I’m so sorry,” he says. Why is he sorry? Does he just feel sorry for me? “Oh my god, what happened? When? Where? I take a huge sigh and start talking. As much as I don’t want to�"I force myself, but he needs to understand that no one can hear this.

“I’ll talk, okay?”

“Good, you need to tell someone. You can’t just keep this to yourself, you need help.”

“This can’t get out!” I tell him sternly. I’m talking so fast I can’t even understand what I’m saying.

“What do you mean?” He questions.

“He told me if I told anyone that he would come back and kill me and my family.”

“It doesn’t matter, you need help.”

“I know.”

“That f****r needs to get locked up!” Jamie bellows.

“He does, I completely 100% agree with you! But I don’t wanna take that chance if he is serious.”

“I understand. You care about your family. Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“So you won’t say anything?” I ask. He looks me straight in the eyes. His oceanic blue eyes reflecting off of my s**t brown eyes.

“Yes.” He simply says.

“Okay, I’ll talk. I was on carts my first night, it was about twenty minutes before I had to leave, okay?” Jamie nods his head. “So, I went behind the store to collect the carts back there. While I was back there, a man came out with his groceries. He put his groceries in the back of his van then I asked if he was all set with his cart. He said he was, so I took and started to walk away.” I sigh once again, trying to catch my breath.

“It’s okay.”

“He grabbed me on the shoulder then he threw in the back of his van. He tied me up and told me not to resist. He raped me. He took off my clothes and everything, and me being gay as I am, the touching felt nice, but he violated me. I did resist him a little bit at first, so he cut me with his knife.” I brought my hand up to Jamie the cut.

“Oh my god, that looks bad.”

“It was worse. Anyways, he leaned in an inch from my face and told me not to tell anyone, and if I did, he would kill me and my family. Then, he threw me out of the back of his van and drove out of the parking lot. I swore to never return to that place ever again! I felt another tear go down my face.

“Awh! Kyle!” He hugs me tight. “It’s going to be okay,” he tell me. I wished it would be okay, but I know it never will be. “I bet your birthday doesn’t feel as special now because I ruined it for you,” Jamie says while facing down and away from me.

“No, you didn’t. It’s not your fault.” I tell him while trying to comfort him.

“Feels like I did. I made you have a mental breakdown, and I made you tell me something that you didn’t want to tell me, and I-I-I I just feel like s**t now,” he says softly.

“I’m used to being depressed,” I tell him. “It’s nothing new.”

“Well, I’ll make it better a little, okay?” I nod my head. He wraps his arms around and gives me another tight hug. “I love you bud. Never forget.”

“Thanks. I love you too. You’re like a brother to me. He moves his head back away from my shoulder, and his arms droop down off of me. His ocean blue eyes are so beautiful. He smiles at me. We stare at each other for a few seconds, but it feels like a few long minutes. He caresses my face with his hand. He closes his eyes, my heart starts to pound extremely rapidly. Is doing what I think he is doing? His lips are getting closer to mine. This is what I’ve wanted, this what I’ve dreamt for. His bottom lip smoothly touches mine. I close my eyes and lay my lips on his. His soft lips touch mine. Not slobbery nor too dry, just right. Perfection�"like always. I can taste his sweet pineapple chap stick. Our lips are in sync, like a perfect pair of Yin and Yang, it feels so good. Too bad this can’t last forever. I’m really going to miss him when I fade off this planet.

He moves his body to the center of my bed, and I follow�"on top. At this point we have been kissing for about 45 seconds, and obviously I have a clear erection. I’m kneeling over him with my knees just below his pelvic area. I can feel his penis laying against my knee now�"it feels nice. As we reach more intensity, he starts to moan. I can tell he is enjoying this, as am I.

Suddenly, a familiar feeling comes back�"stroking. No! He’s back, how did he get in my bedroom? This time I can pull away. I pull away sharply, and stand up quickly. A tear strolls down my face instantly.

“Kyle, I-I I’m sorry!” After I just told him that I raped, he then starts stroking, ironically the same way the rapist did�"quick and hard. “I got caught up in the moment and forgot?” Forget!? Are you kidding me? How could something that big “slip” your mind.

“Friends don’t forget!”

“I should go!” Jamie says while he scurries off of my bed. F**k! Why did I say that? I just drove him away. I watched helplessly as my best friend that I just had a passionate make-out session with leave. He leaves crying his eyes out. Why did I have to say that? I’m so stupid! This is why I don’t deserve on this planet!

 

Author's Note

Chapter 8 is the big shake up! Let me know what you guys think!

Reviews

[Maya Jane]

Oh no... Hopefully Jamie doesn't get kicked out of his life. Him and Kyle would be a very cute couple. I'm glad Kyle has told somebody but it backfired because now he can't enjoy his life without being reminded of the rape.

[John Duprey]

I know. He is trying to open up, but it is almost impossible without getting so emotional because the rape is still fresh in his mind.

[Maya Jane]

At this point, it had only happened a couple days before that right?

[John Duprey]

Yes, three days.

[Maya Jane]

That's a big hit.

[Linds]

AHHHHHH! What?! Jamie and Kyle! AHHH!