Day Spent Home- Chapter 7, November 19th, 8 AM

The next day, I called myself out of school. Once I knew my mom was gone, I had to look at the scar I made on my arm last night. I rolled up my sleeve, and I was surprised at what I saw. Last night I didn’t realize how deep I cut until I examined it just now. The cut is all red and tender. I poked it just see how much it hurt.

“Ow!” I yelled. I grunted in pain. Wow, I’m either a wimp, or this cut hurt that bad. I rolled my sleeve back down, I didn’t want to look at all the pain that goes on in my life that is contained in that cut. I needed a day to wrap my brain around everything that has been going on, it feels like my head is going to explode. Throughout the day I tried to make myself in a better mood, but nothing seemed to touch it. I needed to talk to someone. It’s not going to change about how I feel about myself, or life, but I just need to talk to someone for them to know my feelings, not my situation. I remembered my friend, Sierra didn’t have any classes until 10 on Fridays. So, I’ll see if she will talk to me about how I’m feeling. I send her a text message.

Me: Hey.

I don’t expect her to reply right off, but I know she talks to me quite a bit, and she always usually helps me. I waited a couple of minutes. I was anxious about what Sierra will say. I’ve talked to her before about my depression, and she could relate because when she lost her father to cancer, she went into a depression. Her and I became close to each other during that time, which was about three years ago. I helped her through her grief, and she helped me with through my depression.

Sierra: Hi, Kyle.

Me: How are you?

Sierra: I’m alright, wbu?

Me: I’m okay I suppose.

Sierra: Is everything okay?

Me: Not really, I need some cheering up.

Sierra: Sure J what’s going on? I take a big breath and watch my fingers type, almost involuntarily. I was about to send the message, but I don’t want to jeopardize my life or my families. Do I really want to send this out to her? I don’t want her getting an ideas of calling the cops on me because she thinks I’m suicidal. I want a peaceful death one of these days. I deleted it. Instead, I typed something else.

Me: I’m just feeling in a down mood today.

Sierra: Awh L I’m sorry.

Me: Yeah L

Sierra: Is there anything I can do? Always remember that I’m here for you no matter what. J Anything you need just call or text, and I’ll try to help as best as I can.

Me: Thank you Sierra. Just talking a little helps me a little.

Sierra: Good.

            It was nice talking to Sierra, but I don’t want even her finding out what my plans were.  Life isn’t fair. Why am I chosen to suffer like this? My mood shifts throughout the day, I’m never stable. I didn’t want to go to school because I don’t want everyone seeing me like this, plus I don’t need any more agitation from Jake or his friends. My life is hellish enough them being more involved in it. I actually did want to tell Sierra what was going on, but there was too many risks involved with that plan, so f**k it. It’s now around lunchtime, I’m getting a little hungry. So I go into the kitchen and try to eat something light. I think of cereal, that’s easy, how could I f**k that up? I grab a bowl from in the shelf, and then the Lucky Charms. I opened the box and unravel the bag inside. I saw my cat coming up to me.

            “Hi Jasper!” I tell him as he proceeds to rub against my leg. I lean down to pat him, maybe my cat is the only thing that actually understands. “Good boy!” I tell him, he purrs. I stand up and before I could fully stand up, my head starts to pound.

            “Ouch! F**k! I just smashed my head on the corner of the cabinet that I left open.

            “F**k it!” I put the cereal back and left the bowl there. I’m done trying! I grab my headphones, and headed upstairs. I’m done for today. I’m done forever. I think about my life and everything that has happen, as I think, I do nothing but cry. Once again I cry myself to sleep.

            I wake up for a moment to hear my mom coming in my room. I need to pretend that I’m asleep.

            “Are you asleep Kyle?” I hear my mom ask. Don’t even sigh I tell myself. “Must be.” She sighed. “I dunno what’s been up with him lately,” she says to herself. She closes the door very softly. I wish I could tell you mom, but I can’t. It’s too hard. Hopefully tomorrow is better, just for one day please because tomorrow is my birthday

Reviews

[Maya Jane]

Poor Kyle. Again. Smashing your head on a cabinet hurts like hell. I don't understand why he would poke the cut though, being honest I kind of laughed when he did that because it's obviously going to hurt. It's a good part though. Hopefully Sierra will be able to help him through this. I haven't seen much of his best guy friend though, will he be coming back?

[Linds]

I feel such a connection with Kyle! I'm not sure why but I do. I think his mom needs to know what's going on with him. It's such a heavy secret to keep to yourself...