Another step

Why not

The weight of the world carried by his shoulders. Another step taken from him. Standing still, being dragged down, time suddenly stops. Wondering whats all this for, whats another step forward when the weight only begins too increase?
The floor begins too crumble beneath, as the load umaognst his shoulders grows. The sound of silence never was so loud until now, it became echoes with him, as the last one fighting.
Lights flicker as the echo of his own voice becomes deafining, floor still giving in as he struggles too take another step foward toward a destination unknown and unwanted.
"Why do you fight?"
"What's there too gain?"
"You got here yet nothing has changed?"
Lights go out, and nothing is left but the echoes of a voice overcoming all. The floor gives in nothing too hold him up. Just another step forward that was stolen.

Author's Note

Dont hold back on criticism as I welcome all.

Reviews

[olla]

I like the concept.. it feels real.. and as time passes many of us feel the weight of life and wonder what's the use.. there are a few typos.. and it's a little clumsy.. try reading it aloud and perhaps the stumbling spots will become apparent to you..

[Semaj]

First attempt at a one try writting style. Only too alter it later. Again bordness isba huge flaw of mine when it comes too writing. I tend too criticize the wording before it hits the screen. But again thank You for the review I appriciate the honesty.

[Jason Scott]

Again more poem than story. Makes me think of Atlas. So the protagonist is overwhelmed with some type of burden he cannot carry. Too much for just one person to bear. And he doesn't want to reach the destination anyway. Kind of a rock and a hard place situation.