The Tyrannosaurus Crazy, Kinky, Bad Romance

Elizabeth and her father use a time machine to go back into the Cretaceous period, accidentally they instead find themselves in an alternate dimension. There, they meet a friendly dinosaur named, Rudy

Scientist (Dad) - A somewhat demented but caring father that makes inventions out of household objects.

Elizabeth- The daughter of the scientist, she’s a bit more reserved than her father but considers herself to be a woman of science.

Rudy- A T- Rex, he wears a top hat and is dressed in an elegant tuxedo. The actor playing him should have a kermit the frog like voice.  

Act I, Scene 1

[Dad enters stage right dragging a girl by the leg. The girl is clearly in her in late teens/ early twenties, she is wearing dinosaur pajamas. The scientist is young and wearing casual clothes, bright orange shirt with jeans. His outfit has been torn, with some oil stains covering the shirt like a dark blanket]

DAD

(Anxious)

Elizabeth, I’ve finally done it, your dream

ELIZABETH

My dream?

DAD

(let’s go of her leg) (Says in a shaky and yet dramatic voice)

Yes!... Your dream

(walks over to an object that’s covered by a Barney blanket)

                            ELIZABETH

I don’t under-

DAD

(Removes the blanket and tosses it on top of Elizabeth’s face as she is getting up)

I decided I wanted to do something special. Something really special for my little girl.

ELIZABETH

My old Barney blanket? (Removes the blanket from her face)

DAD

Something much more special than that copyright fabric from China.

(steps aside to reveal a large machine of some sort. The machine is made from

household objects)

BEHOLD!

ELIZABETH

The hell is that?

DAD

Honey, language.

ELIZABETH

I’m almost 20 dad.

DAD

That doesn’t mean you take “hell’s” name in vain

(Looking back to the clearly DIY time machine)

But to answer your question, it’s clearly a time machine.

ELIZABETH

Didn’t Einstein prove that you can’t go back in time? You know relativity?

DAD

He’s dead, Elizabeth… (awkward silence with an exchange of stares)

I’ve discovered that when you go faster then what time can even comprehend, you break the time barrier and you can travel between any plane of existence…  

[Elizabeth and Dad stare at each other, Elizabeth being confused as Dad is waiting for a reaction.]

DAD

You can commend my sheer genius later sweetie; but for right now...  I want to go get a good omelet.

(pushes Elizabeth into the machine)

ELIZABETH

Dad, no!

DAD

(elongated and emphasized)

Dad, yes!

[Stranges noises are heard and the stage flashes with different colored lights, finally cutting to black.]

Act I, Scene 2

[The lion sleeps tonight plays as Rudy begins to enter stage left, from vegetation that appears to be covered in a wet dew. The stage is dark, and Rudy is cast in the darkness. A shadow of a giant T-rex is shown on the curtain, animal sounds are heard in the background but everything fades to silence as the shadow grows larger. The time machine is stage right, the lights come back on and reveals Rudy. He has a kermit like voice, and is dressed in an elegant top hat and suit.]

RUDY

(He roars and flails his arms around in the air as he screams.)

DAD

Oh my god….

RUDY

I love you!

(runs to the machine and bangs on the door)

DAD

We have now..                                           entered an alternate reality. A reality where the dinosaurs never went extinct. Where they have seemed to developed ….human traits.

It’s just like the twilight zone.

ELIZABETH

You mean, The Good Dinosaur?

DAD

Shut up! Elizabeth, this is my original idea!

ELIZABETH

Father… Language

DAD

I’m sorry my little lizard, I just--

RUDY

My beautiful lady!

(tips his hat)

Your sheer beauty blinds me. Your enchanting silky voice calms my humble dino soul. Like a flower in a sea of s**t, I’m driven mad by your lucious scent. Let’s grow old together with our -

ELIZABETH

-Seriously…

RUDY

My love!

(He darts his head back and forth until he finds some flowers. He throws the flowers at the time machine)

Please….

(He tilts his head down and makes whimpering sounds)                           

DAD

Alright, I’m going to kill it.

(pulls out a nerf gun)

ELIZABETH

No dad! This is an intelligent life form… we must learn more about it

(She then freezes when she notices what kind of gun it is)

DAD

Are you kidding me?

ELIZABETH

Dad… You didn’t even bring a real gun.

DAD

(Looks at the nerf gun with disappointment)

( Throws gun behind him)

Looks like we have no choice. I’m going to try and reason with this thing to let us pass.

ELIZABETH

That is literally the worst idea I have ever heard.

DAD

Do you have any better ones?

ELIZABETH

Yes! We end the play!

DAD

No! This is a part of our story arc, have you forgotten already?

We need a climax, you need to self-actualize first!

It’s going to be great, there will be confetti and everything.

Plus this is literally only our second scene.

ELIZABETH

What? I want to go home!

DAD

With my sheer geniusness I planned on you desiring such an outcome; I have come prepared for this.

( Pulls out a mini bible from his pocket )

Says it right here Elizabeth…

ELIZABETH

(Elongated)  

Oh my God/

DAD

( Clears his throat)

(Routinely)

/Exodus (Pause)

20:12

“ Honor thy mother an--/”

ELIZABETH

/Dad please stop

DAD

I’m not really seeing the honor here.

ELIZABETH

(Bangs her head against the machine door and the pod begins to open)

RUDY

[Rudy’s face lightens up and he picks up some of the flowers on the ground. He then outstretches his arm but it’s too small to reach her, he tries to smoothly walk closer to her but fails drastically]

I’m sorry to trouble you with my presence, but you are simply the most beautiful sight I have ever had the pleasure to witness.

ELIZABETH

(Says in an extremely sarcastic cold voice)

Truly, I must be the luckiest girl alive.

DAD

Let’s go get those good omelettes honey

(As he jumps outside the pod)

ELIZABETH

What is with you and the omelettes today? There is literally a T-Rex that probably wants to have-

           

DAD

-Not now honey, we gotta go find some dinosaur eggs first.

ELIZABETH

I hate you so much right now.

RUDY

I want to help you be happy.

                        (The stage fades to black)

                

Act I, Scene 3

[ Scene opens with Rudy and Dad standing behind a bush stage left. A dinosaur’s egg nest is located stage right from them. The Dad is holding a nerf gun as the hide in the bush. ]                          

DAD

Alright when she’s not looking, you’re going to rush in and snatch one.

RUDY

If I do, will Elizabeth finally love me?

DAD

I don’t know, maybe.

RUDY

Maybe…

DAD

Maybe

Where is she anyway? It’s almost like the writer made her conveniently disappear for that we could have a one on one chat.

RUDY

You just let her wander off? What kind of sadistic father are you?

                 

DAD

You call DCFS, I’ll kick your as-.

RUDY

Do you mean DDCFS?

DAD

No, I/

RUDY

/ The Dinosaur department of children and family services

DAD

Look can you get the egg or not?

RUDY

That would go against the dinosaur department of children and family services.

DAD

Oh, for the love of God.

ELIZABETH

Dad! (Runs in from stage left and holds him back) Murder! That’s murder!

DAD

Stand aside Elizabeth, you don’t understand.

I don’t just want it…

I need it.

ELIZABETH

Dad you can make omelettes at home, this is simply inhumane.

DAD

Wait a minute, where the hell did you go earlier? You can’t just disappear when it’s convenient for the plot you know?

                              ELIZABETH

I was running away from you.

DAD

I build her a time machine, I hook her up with a dinosaur and this is the thanks you give to your poor old tired father.

ELIZABETH      

(Angered)                  

Don’t you dare pull that self righteous crap on me!

DAD

Honey.. I just wanted to do something nice for you..                                    

ELIZABETH

What about your omelete?

DAD

Well that too.

ELIZABETH

Speaking of which.

If you really did this trip  for me, why didn’t we go back in time to see mom?

DAD

Oh..Elizabeth….

(Tries to put his hand on her shoulder and go in for an embrace)

ELIZABETH

(In a high pitched sarcastic voice)

Don’t you “Oh Elizabeth” me!

(She pulls away from him)

(More serious expression)

I’m not in the mood for your push and pull emotional issues.

(She starts to walk away from him and hugs her arms close to her chest)

DAD

She always wanted me to take you here.

(Elizabeth stops as she turns and looks at him)

ELIZABETH

( Saddened yet sarcastic)

Mom always wanted me to go back 90 million years ago, to the cretaceous period? I find this very unlikely.

And I just said, I’m not in the mood for this emotional push and pull stuff.

(Cold then angered)

If you truly remotely even cared about mom’s wishes seeing her would be the first thing on your bucket list, not going back in time to go eat a 90 million year old omelete!

DAD

(Sympathetically)

I didn’t just build a time machine for the hell of it you know?

ELIZABETH

You don’t get it do you?

DAD

I do/

ELIZABETH

/ No.. you don’t.

If you eat that egg...

We are the monsters that came out of a machine.

We are the creatures of the night that they fear.

We become the monsters that eat their children.

We become the predator.

DAD

Jesus, you’re dramatic.

ELIZABETH

That’s it! Stop the play!

DAD

What? Honey you can’t do that.

ELIZABETH

I can’t take this any longer.  

( Stage goes dark)

UNKNOWN VOICE( DAD)

Hi, welcome to McDino how can I help you?  

RUDY

An order of the carnivore salad, and french dino fries and Elizabeth dear do you want anything?

ELIZABETH

The herbivore happy box please.

ACT 1, Scene 4

Elizabeth and Rudy walk in from stage right, the scene is quiet until finally they walk to the center of the stage. The song, E.T( Or directors choice of a song) , plays as softly once they both arrive.  They turn and look at the audience. After a few seconds their heads slowly move toward each other as they softly smile and hold hands. The song gets a little louder as they transition to dancing with each other, Rudy tries to twirl her but his arm is too short and she awkwardly tries to spin. The music fades to silence as they hold each others hands by the end, staring into each others eyes in both fear and awe )

RUDY

So...Have you ever been to this part of the land.

ELIZABETH

(Slightly annoyed)

I mean, I literally appeared here in a time machine a few days ago, I haven’t seen much.

RUDY

(Nervously)

Oh oh… um I’m sorry.

ELIZABETH

Yup

( awkwardly )  

RUDY

What have you seen?

ELIZABETH

For the most part, you.

RUDY

Oh..

(Slightly blushed)

ELIZABETH

Can I ask something?

RUDY

(Nods) yeah, of course.

ELIZABETH

Rudy… I must ask… why do you like me so much?

RUDY

If I am being honest i’m not entirely sure..

ELIZABETH

Woof, I’m won over already.

RUDY

( Thinking)

It’s something in your eyes.

The way you smile (Smiling at her) and.... (He freezes as he comes to a cold realization)

RUDY

Admittedly… I think it’s because…

(Coldly)

you reminded me of her.

ELIZABETH

Of her?

RUDY

(Rudy bows his head slightly) I-

ELIZABETH

( Hugs Rudy as his head is tilted down) I’m sorry.

( Pulls him closer to her but he pulls away from her shaking his head)

RUDY

Nothing’s ever worked out for me ( He slowly descends to his knees in defeat) The... reality never lives up to the expectation.

( In deep thought)

The prettiest smile...

The most beautiful eyes.

I - ...I loved her.

ELIZABETH

(Nervously yet attempting to be comforting)

I’m sorry… I don’t ...know how to… I don’t know what to say

RUDY

(Disappointed)

That’s okay.

ELIZABETH

(Kneels down and puts her hands on his cheeks)

RUDY

I’m sorry..  (shaking his head and laughing to himself)

I haven’t cried this much since the notebook.

To be honest, I thought you were going to come up with something extremely inspirational, and that would make me question my life choices and everything; you know like a chick version of Yoda.

But… to be honest.

...

This is nice too.

ELIZABETH

(After a few seconds)

.. Just massage your tears back into your eyes.

RUDY

( Both confused and concerned)

What?

ELIZABETH

(Wipes his tears away with her thumbs)

Wanna go get a bucket of ice cream until we cry out all our tears?

RUDY

Why are you crying?

ELIZABETH

Because you’re crying!

DAD

(Walking in from stage left)

Jesus, what’s next dino se-?

ELIZABETH

(Surprised)                    

-Where did you come from?

DAD

What? You think that just because you want to have a quote on quote “romantic moment”, the protective parent is just going to magically disappear?

ELIZABETH

No, I-

DAD

-Well you’re right--

(He takes a swig of a beer)

I don’t want to see that sappy s**t.

ELIZABETH

Just leave me alone, I’m still mad at you.

DAD

Ye mate

( Continues to walk off stage but stops just before he reaches the end of it)

By the way, the time machine is fixed.

Fixed it, when you guys decided to run away to Mcdino.

ELIZABETH

When was it broken?

DAD

Don’t you remember?

ELIZABETH

Obviously not.

DAD

(Pridefully but desperately trying to be humble)

While you were passed out on the floor drunk and unconscious.

I was brilliantly able to not only reassemble the machine but also be able to plug in the proper-

ELIZABETH

-When was I drunk?

(Fearfully)

When was I unconscious?

...

What kind of sadistic-

DAD

-Just shut up and listen!

...

( Elizabeth waits for his response frustrated but patiently)

Blast!

I can’t remember now!

ELIZABETH

(She takes a deep breath)

The proper/

DAD

/Oh yes..

The proper coordinates to get us back to our dimension.

So say goodbye to your dino boyfriend, go back home, and play this like a bad hangover.

ELIZABETH

But…

DAD

But what?

ELIZABETH

I kinda like it here.

DAD

(Emphasis on the Now)  

Now you like it here?

(Brief pause)

Why didn’t you like it here back 3 scenes ago?

I wouldn’t have wasted all that time fixing it.

But never mind my judgements, let’s just all stay because the Mrs.Sod has declared this the promised land.

(Matter of fact)

Oh-

- It’s because you’ve fallen in love with that thing, isn’t it?

RUDY

Maybe I should just go? I’m sorry.

( He turns and starts trying to walk away but Elizabeth stops him and pulls him closer to her; he goes slightly limp. )

ELIZABETH

(Offended)

He’s my friend, not a thing.

DAD

Oh he’s your friend? So you want to stay back 90 million years for a quote and quote “friend”.

ELIZABETH

Yes.

DAD

(Takes in a deep breath)

The only thing you have been talking about while on this whole vacation, was how you just wanted to go home. Now you’re telling me, you don’t want to go.

[Shaking his head]

(Accepting)

You sure have your mother’s heart that much is for sure...

(Slowly coming to a realization)

But if you’re going to stay here.

I’m going to stay here with you.

(He walks over to a rock and sits on it while he looks up to her)

ELIZABETH

( She walks to him, looming over)

(Puzzled and curious)

Why would you?-

DAD

I’m not going to make the same mistake.

(Sighs)

I wanted you to see your mom, I really did.

ELIZABETH

You mean…

DAD

But this time I came prepared for such an outcome to occur again.

( He walks quietly off stage and comes back in with a volleyball. He carefully walks to Elizabeth and hands it to her as if it was a precious jewel)

ELIZABETH

Why does this have a happy face on it?

Where did you even get this?

DAD

I thought we needed a buddy.

ELIZABETH

(Looks at him with an, “ Are you serious?” expression)

(Throws the volleyball somewhere off stage)

DAD

(Runs after it with true fear in his voice)

Tilson!

( Not able to find it, he runs back across the stage and stops at the center of it)

(With more emphasis, he screams)

Tilson!

ELIZABETH

Oh my god dad, get a hold of yourself. I actually thought you were going to be serious for once.

DAD

Never again ( He collapses to the ground)          

ELIZABETH

( Walks over to him and tries to shake him out of it but he’s still limp)

RUDY

(Puts his hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder and slowly she stops shaking him)

Don’t stay behind because of me Elizabeth. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Plus i’m about 90 percent sure your father thinks he’s Rex Hanks.          

ELIZABETH

What about you though?

RUDY

Me? I’ll live.

I’ve survived a meteor, I can survive this.

ELIZABETH

Oh..

RUDY

( Post-traumatic stress flashback)

Seriously, it was all dark and everything, millions were lost but through the darkness we became a stronger dino nation.

But maybe in your dimension we will meet again.

Hopefully even have a little dino family,  if the other dimension version of you is willing.

[ Dad is now rolling on the floor dramatically, while still crying out “Tilson”.]

ELIZABETH

(Doubtfully)

Maybe…

RUDY

(Optimistically)

Maybe?

ELIZABETH

(Reassuringly)

Maybe.  

RUDY

(Tries to stretch out his arms as much as possible for he can give her a hug but they’re too short.Elizabeth walks closer to him and gives him a warm embrace.  They are locked together seemingly eternally; like a river colliding into an ocean. After a few seconds let go of each other )

[ As the stage fades to black, Bad Romance,  plays softly in the background.)

~End~