Survivor's State of Mind

This is how it feels to be a cancer and 2x suicide survivor. No censorship, no glamorization, no "puppetry."

My favorite type of venom is the one without an antidote;

the risk is alluring when your death day is pulling

against fate or against regret;

all of these things did build you.

It's true, they say, cancer isn't just a passing phase;

it builds expectations or critical acclamations,

pressure to be everything in the world

because you can't let this nothing consume you.

It's all about the survival;

whether it be self inflicted or God's way of making you larger than life;

it's daunting, beautiful, terrible,

everything I always did but never had the pride to want.

I promised myself that I would never let a disease define me,

but it never was my choice;

my very veins and very existence,

it was all built on this prospect of survival.

Whether it be cancer or depression,

disease or suicide,

my own hopelessness or the hopelessness that the heavens thrust upon me,

I was born to be everything; a phoenix.

Whether this be false hope or true hope,

an alienated dream or courage to believe in the improbable,

it is still hope; this is what shapes me;

hope, just a dream on fire.

Reviews

[Matthew Kult]

On fire indeed. Beautifully written and very honest.

Matthew