Like The Rain

Written in 7th grade. I made a mistake when I edited it, so there are three versions up. The first one and the third one are the same thing, they're both edited. The second version is the original.

I lay in this bed,

thoughts running through my head,

of why I let this happen to me.

My mind wanders back,

back to the moment;

the moment I threw everything away.

I saw this coming,

I knew it would be too late.

I can picture that deep blue sky;

the one I saw in your eyes,

when I had so much to tell you,

but nothing to say.

Then days passed by,

weeks,

months.

I needed to tell you

but no words came out.

Maybe I was scared,

but now I’ve missed my chance.

If you were my life,

what is my life now?

I lay in this bed,

thoughts running through my head,

and like the rain,

tears poor out.

Reviews

[Lindsay.]

I would have to agree with you, it was a tad bit choppy, but not by much. The whole flow of the poem was over all good, and my favorite part was the last two lines.

[Katie Lynn]

I love how you rhyme only the first two lines... making me expect to keep reading rhymes... but this is great girl

[Paul Grimsley]

this possesses a simplicity and a directness that works well to serve the subject and the run on nature of the poem perfectly mimics the thought process and the flowing of the tears.

[Conversing Empty Words]

It's a bit cliche. However, the strongest lines that caught me were "I can picture that deep blue sky//the one I saw in your eyes."

[Eamon]

Regret.

[Tripp]

Awww! I like this poem! Very down to earth and sentimental! ^^ *Hugs*