After-Life

I can't remember the first time

I wanted to cry for no reason.

I wanted to die

for no reason.

My tears fell,

and they were the only things that were clear.

I wrote cliche poems about depression

and my life crashing before me.

I was eleven years old when I first said

that nothing would ever be the same.

But everything was always the same.

Everything always fell.

Falling,

I could feel all the blackness

inside my veins thrashing around,

too afraid to fight or give in,

just nothing.

Nothingness wrapped around my soft exoskeleton

pierced me,

but I was too young to turn around.

I fell into this self-destructive habit,

this habit, my own emotions.

Bringing me up,

but the down is so low.

Low as a crater

when my meteor falls, full speed ahead,

bleeding earth

and bleeding ocean tears.

The years went by

and eventually I built up the courage

to die,

disappear.

I injected myself with the clear remedy,

sleeping, expecting never to wake up.

Waking up in the morning,

I only wanted to die more.

But I was spoken to,

and told my purpose was great,

and to not give up,

and to use this to my advantage.

Death became my secret weapon

in ink and in experience,

in living more lively

as I strive for the best.

Some days I wake up dark,

but I find some days are bright.

I learn to live with my

self-destructive initiative.

I learned that the answer 

won't come in an after-life,

and I learned this is all on me.

I learned something beautiful,

I learned that life is worth it.

Reviews

[Mark]

What a terrible place this planet is, where eleven-year-olds can be confronted with even the remotest thought of suicide, to say nothing of feeling it is their only escape! What a blessing to all of us that your inner angel persuaded you that there is no tragedy so permanent as eternity, no cage so inescapable as a tomb. This poem should be...WILL be!...a blessing to all who read it, convinced that there is no further point to life. Life IS the point, there IS none other!

[Jared]

It's takes a lot to realize that life is worth it....the sad thing is some people learn it to late.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a good poem and yes it does take something serious to make someone thinks life is okay. It happens to me all the time. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime takes a serious incident for us to see life is OK. I like the story in your poem. The self discovery take some people a lifetime what you have learn already. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Awdures]

We only learn through living and the grand thing about this life is that we all tackle it differently! You are the only person with the power to be the driving force behind your own life.

The poem is genuine and open, the emotions are real and raw. You don't have to wrry too much about form free verse is exactly that so you can express the potency of what you feel Kay. Good work ;)

[FlawedByDesign]

They say that we are one-self's best teachers and I'm glad you've come to realize that.

It seems to me you tried to hard to break the poem into 4 line stanzas, which caused you to break sentences up at odd times in my opinion.
I feel odd about the 4th ad 5th stanzas, as they are connected by a sentence which breaks on the last line of the 4ht stanza and continues in the 5th stanza. I could understand if this was a choice of style prevalent throughout the piece, but it's not, so it stands out.

Other than that you've expressed some pent up emotions, which nobody can comment on since they are true. You need to be congratulated on that.

All in all, well done :)