Hello

Hello,

goodbye.

Inside,

outside.

Darkness,

sunshine;

everything is fine.

 

Passion,

apathy.

Order,

entropy.

Careless,

sympathy;

everything is free.

 

Giving up on all this industry,

singing old songs to set you free.

Blocking out the new things that you see,

while you lay, dying over me.

 

While you lay, dying;

looking out for something, faithlessly.

While you lay, dying;

can you count the breaths over the sea?

 

Import,

export.

Mechanical,

life-force.

Ruthless,

remorse;

could you ask for more?

 

Trivial,

dumbed-down.

Terrestrial,

out of bounds.

Giving in,

falling out;

exactly how it sounds

 

Giving up on all this industry,

singing old songs to set you free.

Blocking out the new things that you see,

while you lay, dying over me.

 

While you lay, dying;

looking out for something, faithlessly.

While you lay, dying;

can you count the breaths over the sea?

Reviews

[emmah]

wow - power-packed and intense! stunning choice of words. it's commendable how many shades and hues and layers find expression with such exquisite economy of words here!!! the comments on people, places, ideologies, trades, territories, passions and impassions - are biting - just with the single words and phrases! the two stanzas add a whole new dimension of darkness to this write.
"Blocking out the new things that you see,
while you lay, dying over me"

and

"While you lay, dying;
can you count the breaths over the sea?"

are my favorites from the 4 line stanzas. as far as the first, second, fifth and sixth are concerned, i'm not quoting because its impossible to pick from those!! very deep, dark and stark verse this one is; and a very unique poetic vision and voice yours is!

[Ahson]

Unique!