Bury Me in Sweet

9/17/09

Gumdrop, gumdrops falling,

falling on my head.

Kill some heat then get some sleep,

go on back to bed.

 

Sickly sniffles, it’s so cute

how you think that you’re not fading.

Flying down straight to the ground

and losing breath, so shady.

 

Gumdrop, gumdrops falling,

straight to apathy.

Lovely, love appalling,

at least that’s what it seems.

 

Luck, good luck or bad luck,

be what you can be.

Someone out there standing

to keep some company.

 

Pebbles, pebbles bouncing now,

bouncing in your stomach.

Do what you say but don’t take away

and now you feel so sick.

 

Like gumdrop, gumdrops falling,

bury me in sweet.

Lovely, love appalling,

but not quite what it seems.

Reviews

[No use.]

hahahha now this is sickly fun, my cup of tea!

[Raivenne]

Between the rhyme, the rhythm and the alliteration I am completely (charmed and somewhat disturbed) by this.

As with your other entry the lack of true nonsense words, keeps this from being a true Amphigory. Thanks for participating in the Poetry in-FORM-ation Challenge!

[Soul Poets]

Lovely, Lovely Appalling

[Hollywood]

It's a cute-sad poem. I'm not sure your meaning by it all but I like the way it is written. Good job.

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Writer,

As I take a quick glance to the side and see that there is no reviews after twenty views, it upset me deeply. Not offended, but I find it sad that "writers" have the gull to call themselves writers when they cannot look out for others. Thank you for the read request of which I deeply appreciate. Thank you for sharing this with me, your reader.

The flow and general message of the poem is almost lyrical to me, but you seem to let yourself be too guided by your words. I'd make it known in a reader's note as to what the metaphors pertain to, if anything. The depth of the poem keeps my attention from stanza one to stanza six. Good word usage, but I find it'd help if you use some repetition mainly towards the end of the poem expressing the general conception of the poem in a phrase. (Gumdrops < Jelly Beans