Technicolor Mutilation

Written during the summer between freshman and sophomore year. This was an attempt at a sestina, but it's slightly off.

The silence drifts playfully towards me.
Simple curiosity beams from your eyes.
This white canvas stands before us,
these steel bars stand between us,
so we paint with rainbow blood
and somehow we have perfect symmetry.

Symmetry is what rains black today,
me staying calm whilst going insane.
Blood pours down while redemption weeps,
eyes burst from our surrounding walls.
Us being black and crimson fantasies.
Us coloring sweet flesh and bone.

Us being free, falling towards sky,
symmetry, imperfections, and electric violet cries.
Us being you and the world.
Me; excluded from my own mind.
Eyes staring, will always, sometimes, blink.
Blood erupts if meant to be.

Blood is tears; rain is blood,
us being oblivious to this storm.
Eyes seek out who you are,
symmetry begins to lose its balance.
Me being the only one watching,
us hiding from those tranquil stares.

Us hearing thunder from the outside,
blood soaks up tissue paper walls.
Me drowning as you just swim,
us drifting apart in this tide.
Symmetry washed to this burning red,
eyes one by one can see.

Eyes attempt to preach me sense,
us hoping to be less hopeless.
Symmetry long gone as blood drains,
blood only being with me now.
Us connected only through faded words,
me warmed by talk of changes.

Blood washed far away from me,
us being washed away farther so;
me being just one step closer.

 

Reviews

[Sarah McConnaughey]

This is really great. :)

[Alz Alz]

I can definitely see your attempt at the sestina and I think it's a GREAT piece of work you've got here ^_^ even though the sestina can be really hard, you did really well! good job!

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Ms. Kae,

I really do appreciate you sending me this one. I do like this poem quite a lot. You use quite a lot of vivid words and this poem has good symmetry and flow. "Blood washed far away from me, us being washed away farther so; me being just one step closer" is my favorite set of lines found at the bottom. I don't know if I can really critique this for you as I've not really found anything wrong with it. Maybe rhyming can improve it? Whatever makes the reader feel more conviction in the heart is a good poem in my opinion. Thanks again. 10/10

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs