For the First Time in a Long Time

once again im new and the first chapter is done as a story so sorry.

just because im nice and made the first chapter wrong i'll give u a recap...

divinity is at her new home and is pouring her heart out to Mrs.jenson. she feels comforted by mrs.Jensons presence. mr.jenson just walked in how will their introduction go?

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Divinity heard a car pull up in the driveway. She turned to see Mr.Jenson walk through the door. he was at first startled by her presence but then smiled warmly at her.    Divinity's P.O.V.  mr.jenson seemed nice enough he was like Mrs.Jenson, warm and loving. he walks briskly over to me and introduces himself. i smile slightly. he seemes very uncomfortable. Mrs.Jenson askes to speak to him. i then take my chance and walk outside. The stars are beautiful tonight. I begin to cry and sit down. i think that it all just hit me. i've been forcing myself to be busy so i wouldn't have time to think about it but inside im slowly breaking. i felt a presence but didn't look up i new it was Ava. sadly, i looked at her she put her arm around me and let me cry. Then we got up and went back inside the house where we made hot chocolate and all played a board game. Every now and then i'd crack out my full smile. after a long yet playful arguement on how Ava cheated playing Candy Land i went up to my room. For the first time in a long time, i felt hope...

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thxs for reading i know this ones crappy im tired and my thoughts are scattered the next one will be better i promise!! :)

Author's Note

remember chpt.1 is under a different thing becuz im new and didn't mean to so plz check it out LOVE YOU LOTS ;)

Reviews

[Pomegranate]

i have to agree with you. this is nowhere near as strong as your first one.

again, i really do think you have to add more detail -you may also want to re-consider the present, first-person writing style. it reduces the flow of your text {makes it choppier, not as easy to follow}. you can keep the first person style, but go to past tense.
"i've been forcing myself to be busy so i wouldn't have time to think about it but inside im slowly breaking."
-> "i'd been forcing myself to keep busy so as not to have the time to think about any of it, but inside, i was slowly breaking." {or something}

some sentences just plain don't go together.
"i then take my chance and walk outside. The stars are beautiful tonight. I begin to cry and sit down."
maybe just it to something like... "taking this chance, i walk outside. as my gaze drifts upwards to the beautiful night sky, i begin to cry and then sit down on the freshly cut grass." {that's just my opinion and since our writing styles are really different...}

hope this is helpful and i look forward to the next instalment. :)