Untitled Chapter ten

“Jesse, no,” he yelled as he started to push me away. I held on with everything I had, drinking in his blood until he pushed me away with his full strength. I flew across the cave hitting against the other wall.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” he yelled. He was standing now pacing as he looked at me. I was afraid to move, knowing how furious he was with me.
I was about to answer when he stopped pacing, his look was frozen at the cave entrance. I followed his gaze to where Christian stood the bite mark on his neck still very visible. I could only imagine what was going through Matthews mind right now. Guilt ran through me as I looked at the two of them. One thing for sure that he had to know was that everything we both understood about this situation meant I would turn.
“Christian, you knew?” Matthew asked.
“Sort of,” he answered.
“How could you agree to this?”
“How could I tell her no, when you give her a chance to explain herself you’ll understand too,” Christian said. And at that moment I realized that he came because he was afraid how angry Matthew would get. I hadn’t really put much thought into that. You would think that with as often as Matthew had told me about the effects of intense emotions. I just threw a whole intense boat load of emotions at him unexpectedly.
“Matthew, I’m sorry,” I said as I tried to stand up. My back hurt but I knew that I deserved it, hell I deserved worse; I could have received a lot worse.
“Christian, could you leave us?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’ve got it now,” he said. They seemed to exchange a knowing look between them that made me a bit jealous. They had a history that I could never compare with.
“I’ll be around,” he said as he looked at me. I just nodded as I wiped the tears away. Maybe I hadn’t thought it all through as well as I thought I had.
Matthew followed him through the bushes and for a moment I was afraid that he wasn’t going to come back. I pulled myself up to my feet, I was sore but at least I wasn’t broken. When Matthew stepped back inside all I wanted to do was throw myself at him; but the look on his face told me he was not approachable. Once again I felt the rush of guilt, I had been so worried about my own life that I didn’t think what it would do to him.
“Explain to me why you would do this.”
“Are you sure you want to hear it right now?” I asked him.
“It might be a long time before you are in the frame of mind to explain it again. To actually tell me,” he said. I could see the concern on his face.
So I explained it to him the best I could, my fears and my desires to keep control of my life, not letting someone like Abraham control me. While I explained I watched him carefully as he paced around me. I didn’t regret the decision I had made but I wish I had chosen to tell him like I had told Christian.
“Why didn’t you tell me all this before?”
“Would you have consented?”
“No. But I would have tried to convince you that I can and will protect you from Abraham.”
“But don’t you understand, I couldn’t live with that. At least this way we have a chance. This way I have a chance to control my life.”
He walked over towards the cave entrance and leaned against the wall staring out between the branches. He was gripping hard onto the rock. I finally couldn’t stand it any longer and I went over to him. As I touched his bare skin I could feel his anger and his pain.

I couldn’t stop the tears for all the pain I’ve caused him. I have put his life in danger and I’ve caused nothing but pain. I could understand Christian’s pain of thinking he was a monster, because I was one too. I have done nothing but hurt people and put them in danger. Abraham’s threat still rang through my mind.
“Matthew I am so sorry,” I said as I gently kissed his back. I turned and walked away from him. I noticed that there was another fern in the spot that I had landed when he threw me away from him. I didn’t put much thought into it as I went to the wall and touched it making an entry way. He grabbed me by the shoulder before I could step through it. I winced from the pain.
“Don’t go,” he said.
“I can’t stay and keep causing you pain.”
“There could be no worse pain than to lose you for a second time in my life. I love you, Jessina. Don’t you know that?”
“But will you still love me when I turn?”
“In one way I’ll be able to show you even more how much I love you.”
“Matthew, I love you so much. I’m so sorry about how I went about doing this.”
“I hate that I couldn’t protect you from being in this position to begin with. But I don’t blame you for doing what you did, it was the only way. I would never have agreed otherwise.”
“So what happens now?” I asked. He pulled me close against him and gently kissed my forehead.
“Only time will tell.”
* * * *


“Try to get some sleep, it’ll make it easier,” Matthew whispered to me.
“Is it going to be painful?” I asked.
He pulled me closer to him, his hold on me tightening just a bit. I gently rubbed his arm in front of me. It was hard to imagine being so blissfully happy when everything around me was so crazy.
“I don’t know for sure how it will be for you. For me it was a gradual change.”
“But you’ve turned others, I know you turned Christian.”
“It varies,” he said as he gently kissed my neck.
“You’re avoiding the subject.”
“Only because I don’t know for sure. Christian had wanted the change but it was still painful for him, not as bad as I’ve seen in others. But I have also seen others who had no problems with the change. Of course none of them held two marks, and none of them had your gifts or abilities.”
I shifted under the sudden tightness of his grip. I knew he was fighting with his emotions again. This was never a good thing, loss of control could be dangerous for us both. I wiggled beneath his grip until I was finally able to turn and face him. His eyes were troubled, my heart ached because of the pain I was causing him.
“Matthew could you tell me something about your past?” I asked as I looked up into his eyes.
“What do you want to know?”
“Tell me how the whole coven thing works.”
“Well I guess it has to do with security in numbers. Generally vampires tend to have a connection to the one that turns them. When you sire someone you tend to teach and guide them. As you know when you mark someone you become connected…,” he paused.
“Yeah, Cassie told me, like a homing device with no limit to distance,” just saying her name made my stomach sour.
“Exactly. Which explains how I was able to find you that night. I’d thought it was just because I loved you so much. Guess not,” he said with a little smile as I hit him.
“What you guess you don’t love me?”
“No, I love you too much. It just wasn’t the reason I was able to find you.”
“So does that connection work both ways?” I asked.
“Not that we’ve ever seen,” he said as his face seemed to soften as if he was remembering something.
“That doesn’t seem fair, you could find me but I couldn’t find you.”
“Well in your case you could find us even faster,” he said mockingly. I knew he was right, being able to open an entry way to anywhere at a moment’s notice and go anywhere I desire. I would hate to lose that ability; but I would rather lose it than let Abraham have control over it.
“I wonder if turning is going to have an impact on my abilities? How do you think it will affect them?”
“I guess that Abraham hopes for them to become more enhanced. It’s happened before, people who were turned and had gifts before, those same gifts became even more enhanced,” he said.
“What? You’re holding something back,” I asked as the look on his face changed again.
“I saw the effect that the change had on others from your village. I don’t know what if any powers that they had, but many of them could not survive the change.”
What he wasn’t saying was that they didn’t survive at all. He wasn’t talking about their gifts; he was talking about them physically. Which meant that if I did turn I might not survive very long. But if Abraham knew this then why would he keep trying to turn me, instead of just trying to control me. I wondered if he knew something that we didn’t. Unfortunately I would never get the chance to ask him.
“Matthew, I need you to promise me something,” I said to him.
“If I can,” he answered tentatively.
“I need you to promise me that no matter what you won’t let Abraham have control over me and my gifts.”
“I can promise you that.”
“I mean it. If it comes down to not being able to stop him then kill me.”
“Jessina. That is not going to happen,” he said as the anger began to rise in his voice.
“But there is that small possibility and what I need to know is that you love me enough to promise me that he will never have control over me. I need to hear you promise me that you will do everything in your power to keep it from happening even if it means the only way to do so would be to kill me.”
He didn’t say anything, he didn’t look at me, his body rigid. I knew how hard it was for him to even consider what I was asking; he has loved me my whole life. Above all else he wanted to be able to promise me that Abraham would never have control over me; but that wasn’t possible, and we both knew it. Abraham had spent too many days in the past five hundred years learning how to kill, control and manipulate the world around him.
“Matthew I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that of you. I will ask Christian or maybe it would be easier for Liz.”
“No. I made a promise. And I will keep that promise no matter what.”
“Thank you.”
It may not have been comfortable for him, but I was finally able to relax. In fact I eventually even fell asleep. Only my sleep was plagued with dreams of my parents village being attacked. I watched as my parents and others fled for the hills. There was one man, he was an elderly looking man though it didn’t seem to have an effect on his movement as he stopped and stared straight at me. He had a flowing gray beard that I couldn’t help but smile at. I followed as he turned and went into one of the huts. I watched as he buried a box deep beneath the ground and when he was done he looked straight at me again and nodded. It felt so real as if he could see me as I saw him.
Two vampires entered the hut attacking him and eventually killing him. I screamed but no one seemed to hear me. He turned to dust as the vampires left the hut and went towards the middle of the village. I followed them as they approached the group of vampires that were there. The vampire in the center turned around; I started to scream as Abraham looked at the two vampires. I sat up in bed screaming, the look on Abraham’s face burned into my mind. I couldn’t stop screaming.
It was Matthew holding me tightly that finally brought me back into focus. I stopped screaming and tried desperately to catch my breath. As I calmed down a bit I realized that it was daylight already. I was so shaken up that I couldn’t handle the thoughts that were running through my mind. The image of Abraham was all that I could see.
“Jesse, are you okay?” Matthew asked. I twisted in his grip so that I could see his face.
“It was horrible, it was like I was actually there when the village was attacked. Abraham was there,” I said as I started shaking again.
“It’s okay, he’s not here and you’re safe.”
“Have I turned?”
“Not a single sign,” he said.
“Does it mean I can’t be turned?”
“I don’t know. It could be that you just can’t change in this world. Maybe it has an impact on your turning.”
“Maybe we need to go to the other world then.”
“I don’t know about that,” he said. I looked at him; knowing how much I loved him.
“The sooner we know what is going to happen the better,” I suggested to him.
“I can protect you better here.”
“But until we know for sure, we don’t know what can happen or even what you are protecting me from,” I said as I gently kissed his lips and the kissed the almost healed bite mark I had given him.
“I have to give Christian an update first. He’s been checking in every couple of hours to see how you are doing.”
“Comparing notes and watching for signs?” I asked jokingly.
“We are both just worried about what could happen. Too many unexpected factors in the mix that could make it easier or make it all worse. I wish we had time to figure it all out before you jumped ahead.”
“Matthew, I’ve said I’m sorry so many times now.”
As I said this I searched his face for answers. He looked at me, his eyes softened as he gently kissed me. But I knew that he had fears that he wasn’t sharing with me. I knew that there was a lot about the last five hundred years that I might never learn; but I wish he wouldn’t keep shielding me from the truth.
“I’m just worried about what is going to happen. I watched as others have turned; even people from your mother’s village. Some of them took longer than normal but they started to show the signs before they turned.”
“So I am not going to turn,” I said more as a statement than a question.
“I just don’t know. None of those others from either world were ever double marked.”
“So we need to go to the other world to be sure,” I insisted.
“After I talk with Christian then we’ll go.”
“Okay.”
I got up and dressed not sure how I could really prepare myself. What if I do turn once we are there and I go on a crazy rampage? I understand the need to be able to feed but the thought of killing people scared me. What if I couldn’t stop? When Christian came Matthew went outside to talk to him. And as normal I moved a bit closer to the entrance to try and hear what they were saying.
“Anything?” Christian asked.
“Nothing. She wants to go to the other world and see if that will make her change.”
“And what are you thinking?” Christian asked.
“I’m worried that this world is stopping or delaying. I could deal with the stopping but I’m worried about the delaying. As much as I hate to admit it, she was right about having control over it. I don’t want the change to happen at a bad moment. We both know that things are going to keep getting worse. And soon we won’t be able to keep it from coming here.”
“Any ideal about how to deal with it then?”
“Just one,” he said as he paused. “Jessina you might as well join in completely.”
I held my breath, not really sure how he had heard me but I couldn’t lie and I couldn’t just stand there either. I moved out through the cave entrance, they both stood there looking at me as I joined them on the edge of the cliff. I bit my lower lip as I looked down at the ground. Matthew put his arm around me.
“Okay, since the only thing we all agree on is the fact that we don’t want Abraham to try and force anything or gain control. I don’t know what will happen in the other world but it might be nothing. So what I am thinking is that we go back to the other world and let her try again.”
“Matthew, I don’t think it’s such a good idea. You know how I get,” Christian said defensively.
“Yeah and I know that if you really fight it you will be fine. I can’t think of anything else. She has already made me promise to kill her if that’s what it takes to keep Abraham from having control over her.”
“No,” Christian yelled out, his eyes glaring at Matthew.
“That is why I am wanting to try this,” he said. He kissed me on the cheek before leaving me there with Christian.
I watched as he walked back into the cave. That beast planned this; I would have to remember to ask how he knew I’d be listening. I turned back to Christian who was very angry right now. So I went through the same conversation I had with Matthew last night. Ironically Christian was the harder sell this time. It was oddly as if they were two sides of the same being; I loved them both, and they always seemed to be on opposite ends.
It took me an hour to finally get him to accept what I had asked and to understand why Matthew had agreed. Since he still didn’t want to agree to that ever being a possibility he was willing to try Matthew’s plan. He needed a bit of time to prepare for that. I agreed before walking into the cave to join Matthew.
“So were you able to convince him?” he asked me.
“I get the impression that even though you went through the motions of coming in here you didn’t miss a thing,” I said as I watched the smile flash across his face.
“How did you know that I was listening?” I asked.
“Part of it is just human nature, part because I heard you move from one area towards the cave entrance. But mostly because every time you have eaves dropped on us you tend to hold your breath a bit.”
“What do you mean every time?”
“Ever since the first day that I saw you in Christian’s arms at the cave, I knew when you were there. One of those times you were not alone, but I knew you were there.”
“Matthew, I need to be completely honest. I can’t explain why I feel the way I do about both of you,” I started to explain but he quickly kissed me to stop me from talking.
“You don’t have to explain,” he answered back.
“Okay, I’m ready to try,” Christian said from the cave entrance, we both looked up at him. The struggle he was going through was on his face; it was so clear that he feared the harm he could do to me. I feared how he would handle it all.
“We will go first, find a place where we can bring you in safely so you won’t have to fight too hard or long.”
So I had an idea, I went to my storage and pulled out some of the money that was stored there and then opened an entry way. I took us through to one of the Las Vegas hotels where we booked a room for two nights. Matthew didn’t like the idea of two nights, said he worried about my health; which considering what we were trying it was almost laughable.
Once we were in the room we locked and bolted the door before opening an entry way for Matthew to go and get Christian. I sat on the edge of the bed not really sure exactly how any of this would work or if it even could. I worried about what we were putting Christian through. Actually I was worried for us all; what happened here could have a serious effect on us all.
I watched as the two of them came into the room. Christian was battling so hard; he was still frightening but it didn’t keep me from feeling the love I felt for him. Matthew had decided that we would reverse it this time, since technically he had marked me first. He took off his shirt and I went to where he had laid across the other bed.
Looking into his eyes for just that one moment I couldn’t fight my desire to be with him forever. I kissed him softly before I leaned down and bit into his skin at the base of his neck. As I felt my teeth break through his skin and the first drops of blood entered my mouth, his hand slid across my waist and rested on the small of my back pulling me tighter against him.
I felt him, his beating heart his shallow breathing as I sucked on the wound I had caused. His grip tightened as I felt him bite into my arm; and for a moment it seemed as if everything around me slowed down. It was the low growl that escaped Christian that made me pull away. I looked at him and I smiled as I looked into those eyes; the love was buried in those eyes despite the monster he appeared to be.
I took his hand and pulled him towards the other queen size bed. I gently kissed him feeling his fangs as they cut into my lip, gently I moved down pulling his shirt off before I bit him in the same location; and then I drank. I could feel him gripping at the bed; I shifted so that my still slightly bleeding arm was in front of his mouth. I stopped drinking from him long enough to smile at him. He grabbed a hold of me tightly and bit into my arm. I continued to drink from him till I became too dizzy, and I blacked out shortly after that.
I woke up alone in the room; this both startled and worried me. It was dark outside, the clock read eleven fifteen. How many days had passed this time? Was it two nights already. I had no way to tell as I walked towards the bathroom. I was gripped by the same emotions I had felt when I had been biting them; to be honest it had by-passed a sense of passion and bordered on erotic. I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t look any different. The emotions I was feeling I didn’t think had anything to do with turning, as images of both of them lying on the beds.
I looked harder for any differences. I didn’t see any fangs but then again Matthew and Christian didn’t show theirs all the time either. I looked at my arm and couldn’t really see the bite marks they had given me. I must have been out for days for it to heal that well. Surely there would be some sort of signs by now. I was hungry, but I craved real food; there was no craving for blood or anything like that. I called down for room service and ordered enough food for three or four people.
I sat and waited for the food to be delivered; going crazy at the thought that they both had left me on my own. What if I had turned? Then again maybe by now they knew that I couldn’t be turned. But what I couldn’t grasp was why they would leave me alone, surely they knew that I would be waking soon. The knock on the door startled me, I turned and looked at the clock, it had already been thirty minutes. I hadn’t realized so much time had already slipped by.
The waiter brought the tray in and set it on the small table in the corner of the room. I tipped him before quickly shutting the door behind him. My hunger was so intense as I went to the table and began to eat. I was amazed at how hungry I was; usually when I have woken up before I was easily satisfied. I realized I had almost devoured everything by the time the door opened and Matthew entered in. He dropped the bag he was carrying as he looked at me; there was no hiding the disbelief that was clearly plastered across his face.
“I don’t know why you looked so shocked, I am always hungry after being out for days. How many days was I out anyway?” I asked as I finally put the fork down.
“It hasn’t been days,” he said, his voice almost cracked. He looked at the clock and then back at me. “It’s only been about eleven hours.”
I began coughing as the food I had just swallowed seemed to catch in my throat. I shook my head almost violently.
“That’s not possible, look my arm is healed up already,” I said as I held out my arm. Forcing him to look at it, waiting for him to admit to the truth.
“Maybe you are changing this time,” he said though I could tell that this was not exactly good news for him.
“Why did you leave me? Where did you go?”
“I figured I had a few days since we drank you pretty low, so I went to finish feeding and then I picked up something for you. If I had thought there was the slightest possibility of you waking up I would never have left.”
“Is it normal to still crave regular food? I kind of figured that I would start craving odd things, you know, like blood.”
“Have a seat for a minute,” he said as he held out his hand. I took his hand as he guided me to the edge of the bed. He gently kissed my palm before releasing my hand and heading back over to the doorway to retrieve the dropped bag. As he approached me I watched intently as he pulled a small velvet box from the bag.
“I know that we have already gone through the ceremony, but it was lacking this one small thing,” he said as he opened the box to reveal a very beautiful ring. It was simplistic and yet more amazing than any ring I had ever seen in my entire life. He gently removed it from the case and slowly slipped it onto my finger. I looked into his eyes, knowing how completely lost I was; never in my wildest dreams would I have ever believed that I could be loved like this.
“Thank you, I love it. I love you,” I said barely able to speak as my throat tightened and the tears began to trickle down my cheeks.
“I love you,” he said before he kissed me.
We spent the rest of the night walking the streets of Las Vegas, enjoying each other’s company and just looking at the lights as they blinked and flashed. I had to except that fact that I wasn’t going to turn. And even though I hadn’t turned, I had changed again. I didn’t know the full effect of what all was happening to me; I also didn’t know if it was a natural occurrence or if being marked had something to do with it. Or maybe it was because I was double marked, I just wish I had someone to talk to about this all. Matthew gently squeezed my hand bringing my attention back to where we were at, I leaned up against him enjoying the embrace. I gave a little tug on his shirt to reveal the almost non-existent bite mark I had given him.
We enjoyed the night together and as dawn started to creep up on us we went back to the room. We checked out that afternoon and returned to the cave. Christian arrived moments after our return, it was a bit maddening that he always knew when I came back. He was waiting to know what had happened, Matthew walked outside and Christian followed him. Normally I would be curious but for now I was just too tired. I fell asleep instantly as I laid down.
My dreams took me back to the village as the vampires were beginning to attack. I saw the one elderly man again and followed him as he went into a different hut this time, here there were two other elderly men.
“I need all the records quickly,” he said to the other two.
“You will hide them too well, how will they ever be found again?” the one in the black cape like robe asked.
“They will be found.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because she is watching us now. I‘ve seen her in my dreams as she sees us now.”
I woke up, and stared across the room. The cave was just as it always was, the fire was lit casting such a warm glow around the room. As I stared at the fire it dawned on me that there was no outlet for the smoke, and yet it was never an issue. Another strange detail about my new world; I wonder if my parents were ever baffled about things like this or if it was just a normal thing here. Maybe they didn’t understand the way things were in the other world. Why this was such an issue for me I wasn’t sure.
Matthew had felt me stir and his hand slowly moved across my waist, I rolled over to look at him. There was always such a comfort that came across me whenever he looked at me; I knew deep down how much he loved me. I only hoped that he knew how much I loved him too. He smiled at me just before his lips claimed mine. I think he knows.
Whatever changes had taken place had a positive effect on one aspect, I thought to myself. Granted it was only the second time we had attempted it, but I couldn’t formulate words to describe how great it felt. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had noticed the difference too; I didn’t really know how much he could enjoy when he had to concentrate on keeping his emotions under control. I went to try and get up and fell immediately before I could get too far. My legs did not seem to want to work right now, not that I blamed them. Matthew turned to look at me and his expression changed to the most horror stricken expression imaginable.
“Oh god, Jesse. I am so sorry,” he pleaded as he kneeled next to me.
“It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I assured him as I started to attempt to get up again. This time his hands came down on my shoulders and kept me from moving. His expression hadn’t changed and was starting to worry me.
“You should just lie still,” he said to me in barely audible tones.
I looked down at my legs to see that my femur had been broken, severely. I stared at my leg and at the obvious break that was visible. I should feel something, pain, but there was nothing. If anything it was actually fascinating; as if I was looking at it on someone else. Matthew helped me get dressed and then splinted up my leg tightly. I couldn’t help watching everything with such interest.
After he had splinted up my leg he took me down to the stream, he hadn’t really wanted to move me but I insisted. When he set me down on the ground near the water I felt a sudden connection to everything around me. In just that very moment I failed to exist as an individual; every living organism reached out to me. The amazing feeling that filled my every sense of being was almost too over whelming. Everything was trying to get inside me to let me feel their complete essence. And then I heard the voices again; I felt a pull to them that I couldn’t understand.
I had no idea who the voices belonged to or where they were coming from. The harder I focused the clearer they became; I tried to focus on where the voices were coming from. The voices became louder, then someone screamed.
I opened my eyes suddenly at the sound of the scream. I was no longer sitting near the stream; I was inside some kind of cave or cavern. The expanse was so large that it could be its own world. There were people standing around looking at me with curiosity; some were whispering to others but all eyes remained on me. When everyone turned their attention from me to the other end of the cave my view also followed. I saw the two elderly men from my dream; I smiled knowing that these were people from my parents village.