How I got here

From birth to age 29 was a blur to me, though I remember it all with crystal clarity. Mine is the quintessential creation of a high functioning, over achieving Human Doing! In this day and culture, if you fit the mold...and you drink the Cool Aid....and you fool yourself into a false awareness.....you get Molded!

When I woke up, like a newborn, I was bawling uncontrollably sans the doctors slap on my a*s! Like Neo, I began my training in earnest in this brave new world I was now living in. I possessed an insatiable hunger for knowledge as I had been starved, despite the doctorate, two professional degrees, and worldly success that was supposedly mine. Reading five books at a time, I devoured hundreds and hundreds of volumes of every sort. I was searching with the angst only one who shares my affliction can truly comprehend.

Fast forward 16 years. I'm alone in a new apartment. What the hell now?!? At first I need to replace this hole, this void, this emptiness! I'm not the type to live alone! I was born to be a father, a husband, a leader, the best of the best!

Depression, debauchery, and surviving, not coping!, just surviving for the next 12 months was all I could manage. Eventually, with a forced encouragement, from a friend of the first order and I could sleep in a bed with sheets and store my underwear in a drawer instead of a pile in the corner.

Slowly, albeit falling backwards innumerable times, I started to care, a little, again. My experience, "what was now", had began to sink in a bit. Endless hours of watching Game of Thrones over and over gave way to reading and then writing a bit. Then I noticed something! I like this s**t! I like to learn, to think, to express me! The spark that had once burned so brightly was rekindled! It was different now though, I was different now! I know myself a bit better, I accept myself more, I like myself, I love myself!!!

Now, I get surges of energy that come from within and I can actually channel them! Where before my energy was strong, it was unfocused! Now I can aim a bit better! Before I hadn't even noticed this damn thing had a scope on it!