Sleeping Giants and Sleeping Beauty Working Class

Ignorance and apathy can kill. Inspired by McCarthy, The Velvet Underground & Manic Street Preachers. Image: 'The World is a Broken Heart' collage by me.

Sometimes you make me so happy,

Sometimes you make me so sad.

Returning slowly to life,

My day's are full of mistakes.

There's something wrong somewhere else

Has long as it's not here. The world is behind us now,

Someone squeezed it into their pockets

And told beggars 'Don't bother me'

You've been happy, I've been sad

Who cares about anyone else's problems

When we've got our own here. Everyone's 

dreaming, dreams sometimes come true. 

At someone else's exspense. My mind is some 

where else, whilst mindless killing goes on. 

We're mindlessly making love, Restlessly making 

love to hate. 'Don't bother us' or take our jobs 

Has the world mind numbingly ignores each other

(all the love and poison of those who watch over us)

We let mirrors break to make our way into the big wide world

For the price of a quieter life, 'Thank God it's elsewhere'. 

Reviews

[Michael X]

I couldnt get past the first 7 lines, but i'm just being honest, you seem to have so much out there, its like chewing a mouthful of what could be very good. in thought, the depth seems analytical, i think sculpting and toning down would add to the reader appeal, let me know if you revise it. one thing I can say from a reading perspective, there is an automatic feeling of sincerity that works well here

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

you've powerfully related the state of mankind in world in extraordinary spiritualdecline~

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

Thanks Kit Kat I'm really glad you enjoyed my poem. :D

[deeps]

I really know these feelings.
This is such an truthful write as well.
I really enjoyed this alot.

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

Thanks Habaeus for your extremely well thought out and constructive feedback.
I appreciate the suggestions.
It's more of a call out to humanity
to change or to see that ignorance/apathy never helps.

[Habaeus Diem]

It seemed as though you broke prose into verselike thoughts that you arranged to create a sort of commentary on the world. This style works very well if you were using the broken formatting to help further convey your message (were you? I'm somewhat unsure.)

Also, this seems to me to be a testament to the usual mentality we have, "As long as it's not near me" (or, as you put it, "Thank God it's elsewhere.") However, I see a little bit of cloudiness here. Are you calling out the people who think that way, calling them to change? Are you merely mourning the sad state of humanity? However, this has a lot of emotion here, and I am seeing a pattern. You talk a lot about dreams. Perhaps if you were to subtly intertwine your experiences, you might make those statements a little more poweful.

Elsewise, I can't see much else that needs improvement. I'm not entirely sure if you in fact should cut it down; the world is an overwhelming place, so your poem has a right to be overwhelming to the reader if you are trying to make a statement that will be noticed.

I do agree with Michael in the statement that your writing sounds very sincere. Really, in my opinion, all it needs is a little bit of clarity towards the point of the whole thing.

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

Thanks Michael for your interesting and intriguing feedback and interpretation of my poem. I will see about trimming it and rearranging it and I will see what it looks like. And if I change it or resubmit it I will let you know. I am glad that you felt there was sincerity in my writing.