Sometimes

sometimes i dream of you

i dream and i wake up with hand out stretched in a desperate reach for you calling out your name

and maybe its even funny because

you are right there

so i wrap around broken bones and silent pleas for mercy with what comfort i can give

 

sometimes i dream of you

i dream and i come home to your broken body on the floor of my bedroom waiting for me to make it okay again

though we both know it was never in the first place

i see your fragile limbs crumpled under the weight of shattered dreams

crumpled under a thousand thousand lies i can never convince you aren’t true

crumpled under the screams of a man who never loved you

 

sometimes i dream of you

i dream and somewhere in the deepest  recesses of hell i hear dear lucifer carving out a special place for a man who should never had been allowed on this earth

i call out your name and i run my hands through your beautiful eyes, warped with fear and faith

i trail my fingertips through open veins of pulsing loathing

i clasp frail hands between my own and beg you to come back to me because there will never be another like you and even if you don’t want to believe it the world will be a darker place without you in it

 

sometimes i dream of you

i dream that you had never been born at all

i dream and i see in the farthest reaches of the forgiving universe a soul so perfect and pure

a soul untarnished by the harsh judgment passed by the god forsaken creatures on this foul planet

i see your soul free to dream and to hope and sing and dance and love and be loved and never to worry

 

and on those nights i wake up hating myself because no matter how selfish and heartless it seems to want to take away that pure silver joy i know only one thing for certain

 

even if i never met you i would miss you