Just a Little Question

This poem is a question for every couple out there. If all this is true, and if love withers with time, I don't think I ever want to find that Special Loved one.

Just a little question to you

Do you think our love is true

After all that we've gone through

Just a little dilemma

Has the cupid's arrow hit Moi

But has the effect ended for Toi

Is this love a drama

And is it like a language without grammar

Just left behind meaningless swears and more drama

Just prove me wrong and just let us be

Or just tell me that was true and set me free

So that I can be distraught now, rather than eternity 

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

Careful insight of the trials and tribulation of love and love lost. The rhyming is a cute platform for a difficult and touchy decision. No one likes to tell their lovers to cut the s**t or cut me loose since it usually leads to hurt feelings. We all look for ways to communicate that without trampling flowers and this playful work is an appropriate vehicle for this.

and well...the use of French to help the rhyming scheme is clever...

Good work.

[Loner]

A very powerful write !

[sarah]

Wow a lump appeared in my throat while reading this, because I relate so well to it this is truly touching and amazing

[Jeff]

Strong poem and very thought-provoking. Love is never easy it seems.

[robyn.alexandra]

Strong question, so that's a good start, you've got the passion. The images you make are good too, but delve deeper. It's just not executed right. The rhyme is unnatural, it's forced and contrived. Don't think about it, just let it flow. Don't tell us. Show up, feel it, make US feel it. Don't think about it, just pour rverything you feel on the page, then if it doesn't flow, tweak it, don't force anything. Forcing it makes us forget what your really talking about. You've got the bare bones, flesh it out make it a fully functional creation of your imagination.

[OT]

nice!! EH passed this on - you've asked very interesting questions which people should be asking!! I quite like the structure, it's simple and to the point - not too much, so very readable!! I do agree, I think at times the rhymes seem a tiny bit forced (the second stanza -end rhyme (moi, toi - mar, ma) dragging on to the third is what I noticed most) - so free it up a bit, if the rhymes don't fit what you're saying then get rid of them!! don't push the rhymes! but it is nice! you have the substance and content for sure, it's just getting it across the way you wanted to! and then it'll be great!! nice work!!

[E.H. Monroe]

Well the message is there and a powerful one dipped in love. The first thing anyone wants to do is play with rhyme. Don't force it. It seems like you attempted, or tried to beat the love rhymes INTO the love poem. The thing needs to come together more oragnically.
Get your message down. Clear it from the rest of the poop. Then start from there and work forward.
DON'T work rhyme to message, the other way works best. I'll send this to some friends here, well see what they say.

Its a good start, now we fine tune.