Disposed
upon the frosty detritus a dry husk of reproductive potential spent lost within the litterfall, each open scale a testament a prickly, sap tinged reminder my decomposition will nurture the future.
I feel much the same today as when I was firmly fixed to purpose, swaying in the waving fronds of family and friends sweet scented, I endured with supple flexibility spending the seeds of my talent a gifted wealth, unreserved.
I am now empty…
tossed to a deathbed of chromatic revelation unmasked brilliance decorates my bedchamber humbled, I wait to be collected
or slowly rot...
useful still, if for nothing more than decoration,
This is such a cerebral write... brilliantly you kept it reachable without overdoing any aspect of the piece. One of my favorite reads in a while, excellently done!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you for your kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.
Wow. Comparing one's life to that of a pine cone is simply brilliant.They are fire starters, my understanding is some will not germinate without fire. They are playthings, objects of interest, beautiful and delicate yet tough - you hit on so many similarities in this and you did so masterfully.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you Tami.
It is fun to draw lessons from the simple gifts in nature. :)
I always sit here staring at my screen in awe after reading one of your pieces.. unsure of exactly what to say for fear of sounding silly... knowing that nothing I say will ever do it justice.. the skill and depth in which you write always blow me away and are evident even in the insightful way you review.. The imagery and emotion within this alone are exquisite.. then you add the clever metaphor that you carried out brilliantly.... the phrasing expresses that deeper message.. story... sentiment... in such a way that is so pleasantly intellectually stimulating.... the lines that stood out to me the most was: "my decomposition will nurture the future"..... and "your eyes will capture my spirit's defiance/sprouting beyond the passing of this shell."... it is a cycle and what we leave behind matters.. what we do while we are here to leave something worthwhile matters... the phrasing makes me wish I had thought of it.. and love a fighting spirit.. am a sucker for the underdog.. that resilience.. that determination... I may be gone, but my spirit you can't have.. I will live on... yes!.. what can I say, David?.. stunning as usual.. I thoroughly enjoyed..
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you April. I don't have the words to convey my gratitude for your response to my poem. You tou.. read moreThank you April. I don't have the words to convey my gratitude for your response to my poem. You touched me.
A gifted wealth indeed of observation and experience you share with us. You invite us to the table of thanksgiving and share the priceless memories and facts of the cycles of life. I'm leaving with more energized purpose and meaning. Excellent David...:)...........
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
I'm so happy you received a gift from my words.
Thank you for gifting me your time and feedbac.. read moreI'm so happy you received a gift from my words.
Thank you for gifting me your time and feedback.
Be well Sami.
a great extended metaphor. pine cones are very beautiful objects. i liked the touch of sadness in your poem and the thoughtful descriptions. fantastic.
As a philosophical reflection on the cyclical usefulness of degradation, you`ve chosen a perfect vehicle in the pinecone, David....and you`ve carried the metaphor through the piece impeccably.
Please forgive me, but I have to say that I found the constraint imposed by the formality of five line stanzas didn`t help, no more the capitalisation. I`d love to see this in a free verse form....which I think would help to personalize the piece. All in all, a fine piece of writing with some smashing phrasing. P
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you Pete. I enjoy your thoughts.
I actually do not understand the "definition" of free.. read moreThank you Pete. I enjoy your thoughts.
I actually do not understand the "definition" of free verse I fear... Compared to what I am used to this feels free verse to me... ;)
Yes, I understand removing punctuation and not using capital letters, but I want to give the reader some clue as to how I phrased each stanza in my mind. Even free verse must be read or spoken with phrasing... I think I need an education on this topic however. Thank you. I will have to look into this more in depth.
10 Years Ago
Ha ha....come to that, neither do I!....I`m not sure there will be one. For me, I go no further than.. read moreHa ha....come to that, neither do I!....I`m not sure there will be one. For me, I go no further than to allow the stanzas to fall naturally.....e.e.cummings et al can go the whole hog, but I need a capital to begin a propely punctuated sentence.
No....my only point is that the mechanics of fitting a thought stream into a strict format can often stymey or stunt the natural flow, because the line break dictates. P.
Beautifully written David. It grasped my emotion and I felt it to be truly sad yet elegant in it's installation. Excellent words.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you Mohamed. I have in fact been investing energy to become or elegant in my poetry and in my.. read moreThank you Mohamed. I have in fact been investing energy to become or elegant in my poetry and in my life. I want to live an "elegant" life in all situations, be they happy or sad.
For me, it's the title that stood out. It's the kind of title I wish I'd thought up. The metaphor or analogy between the two cycles of life, pine cone and person, is nicely developed, even though the poem is not long. Not sure why some readers find this sad; the end of life is what it is, and you've left some reminders here about the future, the cycle that continues, nurtured by all who came before.
Much like you...
Still, I can only ever be to you what you are willing to see of me. This is true of us all.
May we learn to see the best in each other.
I am happy to be friends with anyon.. more..