Knight of the Underwater Realm

Not sure about the first part. Your thoughts appreciated

Knight of the underwater realms

 

Descending depths so far out of sight

They defy the tentacles of the giant squid

Who knows no deep, no reach unreached

 

The waves may take life as well as give

I know the fearsome power of the tide

The eternal pull of salt to salt, sea to sea

The water that is within me

 

Take me down

In the gunmetal gray water.

I no longer see the innocent baby fat

But the cynical old man who

After millennia only feeds on hunger

Offering only puffer fish and man o’ wars

 

So many ways of coursing current

That I will know in time

In time I will know the final mile of sweet water

And will finally fall into the sun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[C. Harter Amos]

This has to be one of your best pieces. The word panache came to mind. As I sat here reading, the last section had me in tears. Beautiful approach to death, and to life. "Sea to sea", etc. I liked the way you add "I wonder who stole my picture", which seemed to come out of the blue. It adds a more modern feel to a poem that otherwise feels as old as the sea itself. I had to laugh, that I pictured someone taking your picture with a zoom lens and this being the stolen picture rather than a picture hanging on a wall or a photoghraph that was taken from you. Again, you show your mastery of the language; making it seem that your thoughts flow onto the page effortlessly. Beautifully done.

[C. Harter Amos]

Like "St. George and the Dragon", I liked that the Knight is nonchallantly looking into the mouth of Death itself. (The sea = death, and Knight vrs. Death themes.) The ominous coldness of the "gunmetal gray water", the infiniteness of 'depths deeper than the deepest deep', that even a giant squid finds unreachable, that "final mile of sweet water" were all phrases that were...awful in the most beautiful of ways. It really made me think of someone tired to the bone so that 'falling into the sun' seems like a final fall into a feather bed; a welcome relief, or the ultimate letting go. Atlas shrugging at last, a poor and tired soul. I guess you can see I liked it beginning to end. As always, I enjoyed your work. Five star, no debate on that. Well done as always.

[FoolsGold23]

"I no longer see the innocent baby fat
But the cynical old man who
After millennia only feeds on hunger
Offering only puffer fish and man o' wars."
True, how often have we wondered in awe of something and then discovered it was just a facade of glint,
that hides the rip-tide beneath. The beginning suits it, though within the ending is the true soul of the piece found. There's something about 'sweet water' and 'falling into the sun', that evokes images of homecoming and rest.
lovely piece!~P

[Bubo]

I think you have conveyed a great piece here, and the feeling of getting lost in water but belonging...........the end so well written!

So many ways of coursing current
That I will know in time
In time I will know the final mile of sweet water
And will finally fall into the sun.


To be able to fall into the sun..........what a beautiful thought.

[Legion]

Pandering to Posiedon I see. :) Very well done. Great imagery. Delved deep and delved well. Kudos.

[Fran Marie]

A very well penned piece to be sure

so deeply expressed~Fran Marie

[R J Askew]

it's like life drowns us from within. a drowning we can't escape.

I still like the poem. though you have taken out the likes I liked first time round. I got stuck on the line 'In the gunmetal grey water' which i read several times. I just wondered if there was a word too many there. I like the way you end up plunging through all the grim reaches to the sun. The ending is very strong.

[Amy]

I really enjoyed the second part of this piece. Very well written I think. Good job.

[R J Askew]

Well, as half-human-half-squid myself, this is like a homecoming. 'The water that is within me' catches my eye as it is just so true. We really are atavistically linked to the oceans. These were the lines I thought the most poetic at least visually:

Seaweed twines through the pier pilings
Vying with the barnacles for superiority

And not just because I like a tasty barnacle starter myself.