Riding the Waterfall

Niagra

 

It is yet to be written

Fluid in thought

The mind cannot hold it

As it ought

 

Completely distilled

Purity uncomparable

Watch it tumble and wobble

This nameless chimera

 

I do not rhyme without reason

It makes no sense at all

Nor does this new vocation

Riding the waterfall.

Reviews

[JR]

Intriguing, the concept of riding the waterfall. Everything would be in motion, organic, changing� I like the way you approached this, shooting for an overall emotion using a very specific set of images, including the idea that riding the waterfall is a new "vocation." It reminds me of the stories I've read about those crazy a*s people who went over Niagra Falls in barrels�

I'm not crazy about the rhyme scheme� "I do not rhyme without reason," almost makes me think the breakdown was intentional, but it doesn't read that way. The first stanza is ABCB, and I thought that "ought" seemed an odd word choice, almost chosen simply to rhyme with "thought." That's what I dislike, generally, about rhyming� it forces rhyme choices, rather than allowing the poet to choose the words that best fit the situation.

The second stanza doesn't have a discernable rhyme scheme� why? Or, more importantly, if you're going to break the pattern that soon, why not go back up and get rid of the awkward "ought?" And why return to the scheme again in the third stanza? If you're going to use a rhyme scheme, it needs to be consistent is it has any chance of working on your reader. Otherwise, we're spending too much time trying to twist the words into something that makes sense rather than reading and absorbing your ideas.

That being said, I really like the way this poem ends up. Does it refer to life? To writing? I think it works, no matter what the ultimate direction. Poetry is, for me, like riding the waterfall, allowing all the shifting thoughts and words in my brain to come out on the page, though I've never thought of it in quite those terms. That concept, that image, is so fresh and unique that it's bound to catch up anyone who's reading into the vision you're presenting.

"Purity uncomparable" = "Purity incomparable." Couldn't resist.

I think you've got a lot going on here with ideas and imagery, and you'd really have a poem of consequence if you play with the structure some more, deciding to either go with the rhyming whole-hearted or abandoning the whole endeavor and letting the poem go where it wants, without the constraints of having to rhyme to make it work. I know where my vote is�

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Well, this is neat. I like the rhyme in it; very simple and elegantly... "flowy". I might have to disagree with Emily Rose; I don't exactly know how the rhythm can be described as "schizophrenic", and even if it could be, that's what would have gave it its character and tone. Excellently done, friend.

Ironically Yours. Blade and Blood

[Emily Rose]

Normally I would point out how the rhythm is a little... schizophrenic, for lack of a better term, but I kind of like it in this setting - Niagra isn't known for its predictable rhythm. Good job.

[Reika]

Nice. Simple. Flow = Fantastic.
I like it. =)