Change

the storms that came,
they tore at my being.
my home was wrenched from me.
the flowers in the meadow were uprooted.
and i was left,
all alone.
and i just sat there.
in that metaphorical place.
and i cried.

thats all i did,
thats all i could do.
i cried for days.

i felt like i had lost myself.
lost my world.

i didnt want to get back up.
i just wanted to sit there,
feeling sorry for myself.
surrounding myself with negativity.
with the sorrow that i felt.

i allowed myself to sink in to the mudd of that ravaged feild.

i allowed the beauty to leave my world.



because of the storm,
i lost everything.
i lost my home,
and my family.
and most of all,
i lost myself.
to the darkness of depression.
to that feeling of surrender.
i let myself melt away.
so that nothing could touch me.
so that nothing could hurt me, anymore.

but in doing so, i surrendered to misery.
i lost the most important thing to me.
i lost my perspective to see the positive and beauty in life.

i found myself dwelling on the past,
things i couldnt change,
and even if i could i probably wouldnt.

im tired now,
tired of being depressed.
im ready to start fighting again.
but not in anger.
im done with being angery, bitter and sad.
i will leave that to people who live for that kind of thing.
i want to live my life.
live it, and be happy in it.

that field that was so upturned and ruined.

ive left that behind,
it wasnt my field to begin with.
not mine to live in,
or to fix.

yes, i will always love my family.
but its my turn to find who i am.
its my turn to live.

to return to the living.
to feel.

its my turn to find love, in any form that i so choose.

im done pleasing people who dont know what they want.
im done pretending to be something im not.

im done being afraid of who i am.

ive learned something very important
and that is,
that im still a kid.
im still learning, maturing and growing.

i dont know everything,
and i know i make a lot of mistakes.

but doesnt everybody?

i learned too,
that i have people everywhere supporting me,
wether ive known them for a long time,
a little time,
or just a few minutes.

and i learned that, a beautiful heart is prettier then a beautiful shell.
and thats what im really gonna be working on
from here on out.