Epiphany

Why all the fighting?

 

In the midst of all this, I'd just like to say that I'm wonderful.

 

I realized today that at this moment I have been given the opportunity for everything that I've wanted: Life, Love, and Happiness.

 

I am going to be moving to Norman this week. I have the chance to meet new people, do new things, and explore new ideas while strengthening old relationships, releasing old negativities, and remembering good old times. I'm getting the chance to make my life my own, something that I truly could not do in Yukon, no matter how hard I tried. I'm getting a chance to find my purpose in life.

  

I have good friends now who I know will support me through anything, as well as a boyfriend I care about deeply. I have a wide range of support, from the friends who will try to make me laugh when I just want to cry to the friends who will tell me to get the tears flowing so that I get it off my chest, which means that no matter what the situation, I have a therapy for that moment. I have the chance to have every kind of love there could possibly be in one minute.

 

And, through these, I have happiness. How could I not, when I have a chance at life and a chance at love? I’ve gone back to my creativity lately, making random projects on my own time. They may not be amazing or traditional, but they are a sign of many things: They are a sign that I cared enough to take the time to carefully lay each piece in place. They are a sign that I was also willing to go with the flow for a moment and just do what I felt like instead of thinking and planning until the ending was somewhat ruined by the prior knowledge. They are a sign that I can make something not only complete, but also beautiful, out of things that were previously broken and out-of-place and would have been thrown away. I know I shouldn’t look for symbolism in life, but I can’t help but gaze at the things I’ve created and wonder if I could do that to myself as well; if I could take all of the little broken pieces within me and take some glue and some pins and not only put myself back together, but make myself beautiful too. Lately, I’ve been thinking that I can do just that, and that makes me understand that I have been given the chance at happiness.

 

I’ve been given so many chances throughout my days, and though I wonder how I haven’t been able to see it before now, I do know that now, when life comes knocking, I’ll be there in my brand new running shoes, ready to follow it across the country, across the world, across space and time, taking the mountains in my way with ready feet and steady hands. I know that when I reach the top of the mountain and everything is downhill from there, I won’t be content to merely jump and let gravity take me to the bottom anymore, because I will know that I can control my life, my love, and my happiness.

 

I know that I can control me.