Heartbroken

He committed

An extempore crime

Of the most atrocious

                                    Nature by taking an

                        Innocent, pure, whole

            Heart and breaking it

Into many pieces.

 

Perhaps he thought

                                    No one would take

                                                Any notice or care if

                                                            The girl was the shy

                                                One who always sat

                                    At the back of the

Classroom out of fear.

 

Or perhaps he

                                                            Assumed that she had

                                                                        No true feelings since

                                                                                    She never talked to

                                                                        Anyone, but rather sat

                                                            In her cold seat each

Day, silent.

 

But whatever

                                    His reasoning was,

                                                He took her happiness,

                                                            Her only true joy at

                                                All, and shattered it in

                                    One simple motion

Like the others.

 

All the foolish

            People followed him

                        And merely shrugged

                                    When her heart was

                        Ruined, for it was not

            They who had been

Hurt so terribly.

 

Reviews

[Baby Boy]

Wow! Yor words says is all! This is so powerful and I can feel the pain of this person through your words! Sad story this is! But it was written very uniquely and it tells a message and I'm glad I got to read this sweetie! Keep up the good work! One luv gurl!


-JC-

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

unique presentation! and such wonderful and dramatic lines.. the usual scenes of a teenage role confusion...

great write my friend!


"silence can make us or break us, coz i doesnt speak...open up." - just a thought!

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Just looking at your profile, I knew your poetry would be good, and I can identify with. This first poem of yours I have reviewed, displays that perfectly. I like how you break up the stanzas in a tree branch image, maybe it signifies something deeper? I always love reading about heartbreak, because I have a lot of it, unf, and write most about that. And this one is def. not ordinary as some I have seen, it is deep, and pulls all your emotions in. Thanks for sharing.

[RareRed]

I like this take on heartbreak...we write about it in general, we write about from our own point of view, but I've yet to see someone write about it in the view of that shy girl that sits alone quiet. I remember being that girl a long time ago. Thanks for a great read!

[Edward Clay]

the structure, obviously, was what caught me first. and i started thinking, what is it? arrows? chevrons? keep right signs! (ha). but as i read, and saw the intent of the poem, to me it showed a movement, from one place to the other, until all returned to how it was, back at the start; heartbroken. that's how i read it. nice poem, and i think the structure does a great deal to further the thought process hen considering this.

[Carlee]

I love this! I like the style/format you wrote it in, and I like how you talk about the heartbreak from a outsider's point of view I think it adds a good touch. If that makes any sense >>'

[Andromeda]

the formatting is ingenious!

[justjenn_2u]

Hypnotic! I love the word flow in this one. I know the feeling of this girl in the poem. It's a power play situation. I enjoyed reading this.