Disgusting

Disgusting 

I pinch the skin between my fingers 

Glare down at the dial on the scale through blurred vision

It seems I gain 5 pounds every time I check 

220 

225 

230 

235

I'm scared to jinx it 

I wish I could break all the mirrors 

But soon regret 

With glass in my fist 

The years of bad luck to come 

As if the last time I destroyed my reflection was so many years ago 

I'm ugly

Unknowingly I'd have blood trickling down my face 

My obsession with picking at the imperfections on my skin 

My eyes are unsymmetrical 

How can no one see?

I don't have natural or nice curves 

Not for a fat f**k either 

How blessed I am to spend hours subconsciously covering as much skin as I can 

Don't look at me 

Please don't look at me 

Not until I'm perfect 

Not until I'm 100 pounds lighter 

Not until my s**t brown eyes are even and beautiful 

Not until my complexion is smooth and glowing 

F**k me 

F**k the bad thoughts 

F**k everything that makes me disgusting 

Author's Note

Please don't comment about how I'm "not fat"
Or how I'm "not ugly"
I'm not fishing for compliments
I'm not looking for them
Just don't...

Reviews

[Jessica Gillitzer]

Very honest write. It's pretty straight forward and that gives it some power. These are thoughts I can understand. I don't think anyone is ever truly happy with themselves, if they are likely they're a narcissist. But you do have to question if these thoughts are truly yours or more so the thoughts a society gives us, tells us we're not good enough or not beautiful enough. A friend once told me something that helped me with these kinds of demons. He said stained glass is considered truly beautiful works and takes master craftsmanship, upon close examination no work of stain glass is without flaw. He said imperfection creates unique perfection. Corny I know. Thanks for the share. I liked this and hope these demons find some sleep in the dirt for you.

[Planet x]

wow , beautiful , powerful words of honesty

[-]

I like this because it is so real and raw emotion when it comes to that scale and beauty. Love you you express your feelings and all the frustration behind it. N.

[terry smith]

It is the pages of the book that make it a cherished piece of art, not the cover!

[Flutterby aish]

You know nobody is perfect. If we have a beautiful exterior to show of off we might just have the most digusting interior which if seen by anyone only makes them loathe us. Maybe you are not beautiful or maybe you are fat or whatsoever. I dont know cause i have never met you. But i am a writer (kind of) :p. i get the essence of words and words we choose define us as well. You know what definition i percieved of you? That you have a beautiful heart with just the right amount of emotions and senstivity in it! You are a beautiful life in itself and lives like yours are precious....trust me....you are cherished in this world! So love yourself...and there are many who love you and are ready to love you. As for the poem....it was a nice write up. Thank you for sharing!

[Tricia O'Brien]

I think this poem is rad as hell. I wasn't going to tell you anything in regards to you being beautiful hah :)
But your writing however, I dig for sure

[Danielle Anatomyy]

Your poems are always so meaningful. That's why I admire you so much as a writer. You're not afraid to write what you feel; to express the feelings you have that may be better repressed. Your poems are real, they're relatable, and this one, as always, pulls my heart strings.

[jennifer little]

i liked this poem it was good .. keep up the good work