No Future Without You

How do I describe it?

Repainting my nails with black polish,

It silently fills the void inside.

My heart has been demolished,

A hole, gaping 10 miles wide.

I wait for your text, you take eons to reply,

But once I see it, I smile a little.

You're "in love" again, it seems, 

which makes me wonder why.

Or if you're feelings for me were ever true,

I'm tired of the riddles.

Crinkled paper, scribbled with pointless poems,

They could never be acceptable.

But I'm so lost without them,

They're the only thing perceptible.

I can never posssibly survive, 

without your scent, your presence,

Constantly tortured-my heart stays.

Where has my common sense gone?

My mind has become a puzzling maze...

I'm not expecting you to come running back,

Though I wish you might.

With you gone, a conscious is what I lack,

With you gone, I'll never be right...

Author's Note

The line "A hole, gaping 10 miles wide" is a reference to the song "10 Miles" by Escape The Fate.

Reviews

[JulieÉmile]

Very depressing. I could feel all those emotions wash over me as I read through your poem. You've described it so well. That feeling that some people give us. One text from them brightens our entire day and gladdens the whole heart. Nicely written. Thank you for sharing this.

[Rahul]

Nice, beautiful but painful and depressed. Heart broken write.

[Simon Welsh]

Love hurts. But it's all a part of life dearie. Don't sweat the small stuff; it lessens with time.

[chaotic katie]

love this piece anf the song ten miles wide too. nice job i enjoyed reading

[unsavable_soul]

Nice piece Brooke,
Great flow and theme. You do very good with laying out personal suffering here so all might see it. Your rhyme scheme was near flawless and ever telling in a very artistic nature. Pain is beauty, it is hard to see but it either kills us so to speak or it gives us a new found thirst for the water that is life.

"Or if you're feelings for me were ever true,
I'm tired of the riddles.
Crinkled paper, scribbled with pointless poems,
They could never be acceptable.
But I'm so lost without them,
They're the only thing perceptible."

The inner and outer rhyme scheme her was nice, I do it often and find it very enjoyable to read such things. Sorrow is a hole, best to sit at it's edge and ponder the bottom rather than risking it being a full well. I will say I felt your rhyme scheme decomposed in it's ending. This took away from the impact of the piece. I am a big fan of a stronger ending then even body of the work. I fail at this often but I shoot for it. Thanks for the read request, I hope this was somewhat insightful or helpful. Again great read and write here Brooke.
Sincerely
Christopher
95/100

[BThomvanWart]

I can totally relate to this. My first serious relationship was like this and it was grueling. I'm glad I'm not alone, haha. And I love the line "Or if you're feelings for me were ever true, I'm tired of the riddles." It speaks to me, for some reason.

[Roxii]

This is absolutely touching.

[Eagle Cruagh]

"I`ll never be right" / Oh, yes you will.
That is probably the surest bet the reader
can make. You will be right again---- it is
human to recover from affairs of the heart,
to breathe, to live again.
A great poem --- thank you .
---- Eagle Cruagh

[quinfinn]

cleverly penned and full of raw emotion. this almost literally sing itself off the page. definitely one of your better writes.