Losing Him

A sequel and alternate perspective to "Losing Her"

Eyes so hopeful, heart so trusting
I stand on the edge of my endless life
holding onto a sliver of memory, a pipe slowly rusting
each day a sharp pain, a quick stab of a knife

He sits there patient, worried, always looking at me
all I want him to do is to get up, to live his dreams
I need him to walk out that door, to set himself free
but the chains are heavy and thick, holding here, it seems

He feels indebted to me, feels he owes me so much in return
for raising him, making him strong, for teaching him all I once knew
but inside I have only one passion, one so desired that it burns
but inside, I know he won't run, he won't leave me, he is doomed

Memories come, memories go, like changing seasons through the years
I want to remember him, to remember myself, if only for a minute
When he sleeps, my secret is exposed, through my endless, streaming tears

I want to drown in them, in the storms and rain, standing out there in it

I'm forbidden to leave here, this simple sheltered place
because i DON'T KNOW WHERE i am, who I'm with, or why I'm here
I feel the anger escaping its prison, creeping slowly into my face
and along with it, in a cold wave, comes its aftermath, the fear

The fear I won't remember him tomorrow or the days after that
I need him, more and more, even if I didn't want to admit it
The smoke from the candle matches my thoughts, bitter and black
and although I detest the flickering light, I force myself to keep it lit

to remember why it is here, a last ray of his desperate hope
that I will one day be cured, normal, repaired, and whole
but in my hand I hold it, the key, my secrets, in a white envelope
hoping to somehow preserve what I know, the part of me that time stole

Some days I speak to him, of my past, my life, the storm, my worth
I know that he can understand me, though I'm not sure what he hears

I needed to convey to him, my crowning achievement, that it was his birth

that ended my lonliness, gave me reason, but I cannot escape his fears

He says it every day, every night, that he cannot lose me
that I am his reason, his purpose, but I can't see him suffer
Try as I might, through his protests, I cannot make him see
that he and I aren't coexistent, one can live without the other

He needs to love, he needs to live, somewhere outside this nightmare
I cared for him, built him up, and I cannot see him hurt, cannot see him fall
I won't see his life lived here, always watching my demise, this I can't bear
If he gives his life for mine, he'll have no reason for living, he'll have lost it all

so now I lay here, in my own cold and blatant reality, a prisoner of my mind
I feel the exhaustion creeping in, easing my nerves, my heart slowing down in my chest
I have no regrets in this world, this life, that I am about to leave behind
I'll live on in his memories, everlasting and strong, in his arms, one last time, my body finding rest

Author's Note

Note: This was a rush job. Let me know what you think. Please ignore the spelling errors due to the time crunch while writing this.

Reviews

[Chip]

Considering it was rushed, it top quality, worth of publishing!

[EternityWolf101]

Really beautiful, Dreamwaver. You sure do live up to your name.