Scarlet Scars

So this is one i really wouldlike reviews on. it was a quick poem i wrote last night. And im not sure i like it opinions? honest opinions?

She weeps and crys,

as tears rundown her redened cheeks.

Her first love gone forever,

never to come back.

Her tears fall more intense as time goes by,

by and by she cries.

 

Until one day a mysterious man walks into her life,

he takes her hands in his and dries her tears.

Showing her to have no fear.

He is there for some years,

until now he is called away.

He leaves so swiftly telling her he will be back.

 

Three months go by she findsherself carrying,

now its nine months, she has her baby.

But those tears are back.

She cares for her baby and ries when she is alone.

He is supposed to come back, he promised.

 

Years start to tick by and she is still in wait.

Her now teenaged son reminding her of his father,

more andmore everyday.

 

Tick-tock ~ Tick-tock ~ Tick-tock

years go by so quickly.

She is still sittng in her room waiting for him.

80 years old and she still cries everyday.

He never returned, he broke his promise ans her heart.

She is scared forever, she never found another man,

but then again she never looked.

 

90 years old and on herdeath bed.

Her son by herside, he had never left her.

She thnks to herself,

"At least he is better than his father"

She cries one more scarlet tear,

with one last breathe it traces her wrinkles.

Her son closes her eyes and catches her last tear.

Reviews

[Dahlia Phoenix]

This is so sad. I am going to be honest, this was about to make me depressed but I see this almost every time when it comes to my friends. Life goes on but at least the son in the end is the better person.

[Jibin]

Interesting write. though there is some sad traces, really enjoyed this work.

[Chris]

I love the story element to your poetry. It makes it very enjoyable to read. A good story without all the unnecessary blathering.
Though thid is very saddening, the last stanza adds a small drop of optimism.

The last three lines are so strong, and heavy. They end the poem with dreadful serenity.

[Dark Angel ~]

People are so mean!!! What makes this poem even sadder is that it's so true! People are just so untrustworthy, its not fair!

[Dai Edenburough]

Wow, just goes to show what lengths people take. And how people are untrustworthy.

[lostboy]

when we love this way and its not returned what do we do? ithink i know where this came from. the seconds go by like thunderclaps the years without a sound.

[SpokenWord]

I should have been her friend I would have told her to move on years and years ago. Some do fall in love like this and they can never move on or love another but to hold onto a promise in words with no actions to back it up isn't a good way to live life. Interesting write. :)