A Teen's Guide to: Making Friends

Title's pretty self-explanatory, but a "guide" in making friends

So basically, you have ended up transferring to a completely different school. Part of it is because of your parent's job, the majority of it is because of that huge stunt you attempted to achieve in your last school (hereby humiliating you in front of the school and a near-expulsion for that stunt. What were you thinking anyways?). Well, despite that huge stunt, contrary to what you believed, nobody actually tried to come to talk with you. In fact, if anything, they avoided you even more, and you were left crouching alone in a corner crying silently to yourself.

            But now, after relocating to a school fifteen states away, there's no way that it can follow, so now you have a clean slate! But you still haven't gotten any better at making friends, and frankly, you're starting to lose hope in whether or not you'll die forever alone. Well, my answer would be...yeah, you will. Or you would, if I wasn't here to make sure that doesn't happen. So listen up, take a seat, and find out what you need to do to make friends!

            Remember when making friends was so easy? When you became best friends for life in a span of ten seconds in kindergarten? How you wish making friends was still that easy? Well, too bad, that's not going to happen. You have reached this stage known as puberty, which has this abnormal ability in making every simple aspect of life more complicated than necessary (the simple act of breathing heavily can indicate you're a rapist). There are a few guidelines set in place now, which you must follow if you wish to have any hope of being friends with anyone

            First rule in making friends: COMMUNICATE. It’s a simple and very obvious thing to do, but I must stress it. 98% the reason why you haven’t made any friends yet is probably because you don’t even try to talk to people. And I’m pretty sure even when that bold person comes and talk to you, you just simply stare back. And let me tell you, it is very, very difficult to speak to an unresponsive person. Have you ever tried talking to a wall? If you haven’t, then there’s probably a reason as to why…what’s the point of talking to something that won’t respond? And if you’re one of those who do go talking to walls, then there is a lovely psychiatrist I know who would be more than willing to help you out. We need to diagnose your mental illness first before we take any other course of action. Anyways, the point is, you gotta talk. You got to communicate. Understood? Now let’s move on to the next part of our guideline.

            Now, when you’re talking, I want to make something clear: be friendly. And by being friendly, I hope you realize I mean being nice and considerate. If you are actually one of those who attempted to talk to people before, then one of the reasons as to why you still don’t have friends might be your attitude to them. You need to be tactful and thoughtful. For example, if you’re going to say “Shut up before I stab your eyeballs out” or “I will strangle you and rip you to shreds”, you might want to stop and think “Would I like it if someone told me that? Would I feel safe?” …You probably don’t give a damn, don’t you? Well, here’s a heads up: Other people give a damn. Most of them like their life, and somebody going around threatening them doesn’t exactly encourage them to stick around you. So hold that sharp tongue of yours in check. Don’t get me wrong, still be yourself, but think about the other people’s thoughts if you want to be friends with them. Once you get closer with them, you can slowly start your insulting. Just don’t let all hell loose.

            So what are you going to talk about with your new (hopefully) friends? Well, since this is your first conversation with them, it’s best to find out as much as you can about them. Go through the standard greetings and chit-chat (“Hi, my name is ___”, “What do you like to do?”), the ones that you usually do when you’re trying to find out about someone. Even if it feels awkward and forced, don’t lose hope just yet. You need to find a common ground that you both like. It is almost guaranteed that you should have at least one interest that both coincide. Once you find it, exploit it like hell. A good example would be anime. If both of you like anime, my God, it can go on forever (“OMG, did you see what happened in that episode of One Piece?”) and you guys would have connected so well it feels as if you guys were friends forever (even though it’s only been an hour or so, but who the hell cares anyways?) If you’ve been trying to talk for over an hour with the person and have ABSOLUTELY made sure there is nothing in common at all, then now might be your time to take your leave. There’s little to no chance of you being friends with them. Move on to the other thousands of people that are in you school.

            Ok, maybe you can tell that person would actually be a good friend. Maybe the problem here is not because of you (which is often, sad to say), but because this time, they’re the unresponsive ones. It’s always good to have an ice-breaker for these kinds of situations. In fact, have several (I have about 50) of them, they come in handy. The best ice-breakers are the ones about you, the ones where you screw up (hey, I think you already have one!). People tend to enjoy a good story to laugh at, especially if it’s about you. It makes you seem more down-to-earth kind of person, an approachable figure. If you start talking about how you single-handedly led the basketball team to the championship, they’ll admire you, sure, but you seem to be a far-off figure in which they have to constantly compare themselves to, and relationships might be strained. Making them laugh also lowers their guard, so it overall is a good idea to use a tactic like that. Of course, if making people laugh isn't your forte, please don't make them suffer. Just go with some standard ice-breakers.

            At this point, if you successfully managed to get them talking, you’re pretty much friends (Congratulations!) by now. If not, well…there’s always hope, right? Once you have acquired friends, you need to maintain the friendship. No, you do not need to give them money every week (I know, shocking, huh?) to keep the relationship, but you do need to give them an attentive ear. Things aren’t going to go well if they told you their birthday was next week fifty times over and you managed to forget it with such ease. Having friends isn’t like one of those games where once you complete the mission, it’s over. No sirree, you got to keep the reins on that horse, and always constantly lead to make sure it’s heading the right direction. The difference now is that before, you pretty much were riding a bucking bronco, but now you’re riding a tamed horse that pretty much knows the general direction. Anyways, like I said, listen, even to the little details (especially to the opposite gender). As long as you listen, you’re pretty much set in your relationship to them

            And that, my friend, is my advice to you in order to actually get friends. I just pray that you follow through and that you’re not beset with some terrible destiny of you being forever alone. Well, what are you waiting for? Go get some friends already! And stop following me!

 

Author's Note

Again, I am writing as if I am talking to the person, so ignore certain things that normally wouldn't be allowed (of course, if there's some grammar you feel I missed, feel free to point it out). Also, I am open to suggestion ideas for my next chapter

Reviews

[T.Logan]

The you thing threw me off for a moment, but i really like this.