April

4-2-12
Wow, I can't believe it's already April. We only have a few more weeks of school left. And then I'll leave and never see Hayden again (Waaa!).
Anyway, today me and Scott didn't flirt at all. I kinda wanted to... but I didn't want him to still think I liked him. So when he didn't start flirting, I didn't try to start either.
At lunch, I walked passed Hayden's table. I noticed his haircut, so I said, "You got a haircut!"
"Yes... and I hate it," Hayden said and covered his head. Daniel laughed.
"Oh, well I think it's cute," I said and patted his head.
"You think his dick is cute," Daniel mumbled.
"What?!" I asked. Hayden and Scott cracked up.
"What?" Daniel asked.
"I heard what you said!" I pointed out and walked away.
At recess, I talked to Hayden again. We hadn't seen each other for a whole week because of spring break.
Luis was around and he was saying "I love you" in a retarded voice to all the girls. I said it back to him.
"What, so you're cheating on me now?" Hayden said, sarcastically.
"Nooo!" I whined.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You love me and I know it,"
"It's the truth,"
"And I love you, too..." Hayden said, shyly. I looked up at him and smiled. Then, I wrapped my arms around him and he leaned his head against mine.
Coming back in, I gave him another hug before he left.
"What kind of hug is that?!" A boy asked.
"Awww!" Manuela squealed. I quickly let go of Hayden and ran inside. Manny and Amanda followed and we all laughed. I happened to look through the glass door behind us and I saw Scott walking passed. His head was down and his face was serious. He must've been behind Manuela and Amanda. Had he seen me and Hayden hug? Was he... jealous?
Ugh! Why do I keep doing that?!

4-3-12
I poked Hayden as I walked passed his table during lunch. He turned around and smiled at me. I smiled back.
"Hey, look at the mess we made!" Scott said to me and pointed at their table. It was wet and crumbs were sprawled across it.
"What, did Daniel ejaculate or something?" I asked. Everyone cracked up.
"Yeah!" Daniel said. Scott was next to him and he smiled at me. I smiled back and his eyes looked down at the floor.
"Oh yeah, Scott, did you tell Madison that I told you everything she said?" I asked him.
"No, she's just accusing that I did," he said.
"Oh, okay," I said and kept walking.
Coming in from recess, Iyana caught up with me and Hayden.
"Hey, big hands and big feet!" She said.
"Really?" Hayden said and I laughed. He held out his hand. I put mine on top of his and compared them. Then I slipped my fingers between his. He laughed and put his hand down, but I was still holding on.
"I got you," I giggled.
"You got me," he said back.
And I'll never let go.

4-4-12
I was talking to Madison and Sabrina in the hall and I giggled.
"Heh heh," someone mimicked behind me. I turned around.
"Shut up, Penguin Man," I said to Scott and smiled. He smiled back and looked down.
Then, while waiting to get into art class, I was talking to Autumn. We were talking about how Andrew yelled at us for stealing his brownies. So I shouted, "Fat asses!"
"Woah there," Scott said, coming out of the art room. "That's not nice."
"Oh! I didn't mean you!" I said.
"It's okay!" Scott nodded and smirked. He walked away and Hayden passed by me, too.
"Oh, hi!" I said to him.
"Hey," he said back and smiled.
At recess, I talked to Scott and Hayden.
"Yeah, Mrs. Mardiat was talking about penguins in science class," Scott said.
"Oh yeah!" Hayden laughed.
"Oh my gosh. Scott's our demonstration. Run, Scott, run!" I shouted.
"Haha, no. I need my jeans without a belt so I hang onto them while running,"
"Oh yeah. Like this," I held onto my jeans and ran with my feat outward. Everyone laughed.
We walked towards the monkey bars and Scott clung to one. "Stripper Penguin!" He shouted. I cracked up. He tried swinging around it but he fell.
"Fail!" I yelled. He smiled and walked off with Daniel and Luis. Me and Hayden stayed behind.
"Eh, now we're loners," I joked.
"Aw, but we still have each other," Hayden said.
"Awww," I leaned against him.
"Alyssa!" Someone shouted. I turned around and saw Natalie running toward me.
"Oh God. Oh no. RUN!" I screamed. Hayden and I took off. I looked back and saw Sabrina running toward us too. She was pretty fast for a big girl. So she looked like a hippo charging after us. She caught up and we stopped running, but we backed away slowly as she kept walking toward us.
"What do you want from me and my beautiful girlfriend?" Hayden asked.
"Awww," I said and smiled at him.
"We wanna know if you'll join our track team," Sabrina said.
"Nah," we both said. Manuela walked up to Sabrina and distracted her. Then, Jordan came up behind me and Hayden and pushed us together. He made kissing noises and I shoved him.
Manuela, Amanda, and Jordan talked while Hayden and I awkwardly stood there. Then, the whistle blew for us to go inside. I walked with Hayden and we talked again by ourselves. I eventually held his hand. His arms are so long so he swung his hand high as we walked.
I love being so close to him, though.

7:55 P.M.
Scott's been texting me lately. It's weird because we actually have long funny conversations, like we've been friends for a long time.
We were talking about the whole thing with Sabrina. Then, he said, "Luis told me something,"
"What was it?" I asked.
"He said that you liked me,"
S**t. He told him.
"...Ugh, I'm gonna kill him," I said.
"...It's fine if you do,"
"Yeah, it's true. It's just that I like Hayden at the same time, too, but I don't want him to find out so he'll be heartbroken. Like, I'm stuck, you know?"
"Yeah, I understand,"
"Haha, anyway,"
Silly me, thinking he actually cared.

4-5-12
So... today was pretty boring. Hayden was absent and I was kinda upset about the whole Scott thing. I wish he never said that. It just made it awkward between us. I liked being [almost best] friends with him. The thing is, when I confronted Luis about it, he said he never said anything. So I'm pretty confused with that one. Scott's a compulsive liar, and Luis is a really good liar, so I don't know who to believe.
Ugh, I'm so tired of Scott's s**t. I hate that thing that he does when he acts like he likes you but he really doesn't care.
But stupid me. I still like talking to him.
Daniel and Scott were walking behind Manuela and me. Daniel started flirting with Manny and I awkwardly walking in front of Scott. So I finally said, "Penguin Man!"
"Yup! I waddle and run like a penguin," he said and I laughed. "I'm a penguin king!" He started walking away with Daniel.
"Emperor Penguin!" I called out.
"What?" He shouted back.
"Emperor Penguin!"
"Oh yeah!" He said and smiled. I smiled back and shook my head.
Oh, I'm such a mess.

4-10-12
I saw Hayden in the hall and poked him. He smiled and I smiled back. I kept seeing him everywhere. I kept thinking today was gonna be just fine. Me and Hayden were gonna keep seeing each other and smiling.
Until...
"What's up, Alyssa?" Scott asked me in the hall. I had seen him walk out of his homeroom and I tried to pass him quickly but he caught me.
"What the hell," I said because he said it in a funny voice. I turned around and our eyes met. He smiled and I smiled back. I saw Madison, so I caught up to her. We talked and Scott was with Hayden behind us. S**t, they were together. I acted casual and kept walking. They went into the bathroom. Madison and I stood by the water fountain.
"I want to go out with him so bad," she said. "Like today,"
"Just act calm and don't be a stalker," I said. "Don't chase after him. Let him chase after you,"
I always try to give her positive advice even though I know it's not gonna happen. He always talks s**t behind her back. I always tried to tell her, but she thinks he's faking.
Scott and Hayden came out of the bathroom. Madison followed and I caught up to her to slow her down. Nicole ran up to Scott, though.
"Woah! Don't scare me like that, bro!" Scott said. He's such a wannabe.
"Yeah, Penguin Man!" I called out.
"Yup!" He said and started running like a penguin.
Watch this," Madison said. "Scott, I like your shoes."
He turned around, "Oh, gracias!"
I giggled.
"Are they new?" Madison asked.
"Yup," he said and kept walking. Madison tagged along and they went into their homeroom.
At lunch, I poked Hayden again. Daniel was absent so I asked, "Where's the Emperor Penguin?"
"I don't know. He got stuck in the igloo!" Scott replied. I laughed and kept walking. Please forgive me, Hayden...
At recess, I talked to Hayden. Dalton came up and kicked me.
"Dalton, what the hell?" Hayden asked him. I hid behind Hayden and Dalton walked away. "Get a girlfriend!" Hayden called out. I laughed.
Then I heard, "...Alyssa calls me that!"
I turned around and saw Scott talking to Madison. He turned around, looked at me, and smiled. I rubbed my neck and smiled.
That was recess: Talking to Hayden, flirting with Scott, and  helping out Madison.
I still hugged Hayden at the end of recess, though.

I wanted him to know I still care, and that I'll never ditch him for Scott. Even though I keep looking back, I still wanna make us last for as long as I can.

9:22 P.M.
"My glog pic is Mumble from Happy Feet which is a... penguin," Scott texted me.
"Omg hahaha!" I replied.
"Haha,"
"But Mumble's adorable, you're ugly. Haha, just kidding! Just kidding!"
"Gee, thanks. My penguin heart is hurt! Haha, just kidding. But that's not what you said the other day,"
"Ahhh! Shhh! Haha!" He meant when he found out I still liked him.
"Haha, I wont tell anyone. Don't worry. I hate it when you're mad at me, because... nevermind,"
Wait... what?
"Thanks, and because why?" I asked.
"Because... I... still... like you,"
"Really...?"
"Yeah..."
F**k.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Yeah,"
"Is it true you never liked me while we were dating?"
"I did. Did Manuela tell you that?"
"Not just Manuela... but I can't say who else..."
"Oh, yeah, okay. But if I do ever date you again, I would like you,"
"Oh, okay,"
"Yeah,"
Paragraph time!
"To be honest, in D.C., I broke up with you because I thought you didn't care anymore, but I still did. I tried to make you jealous with Mitchell, but that didnt work. I thought Hayden would make me feel better, too, which he does, but still..." I explained.
"It bugged me a little when you broke up with me. Was it because of the picture hayden showed you that made you break up with me?" He replied.
"No, because people were saying you were texting other girls and you still liked Amanda. We never talked. And you told someone that you never liked me, that you were just desperate. And after we broke up, Luis kept talking about your "new gf", so i knew you didn't care at all when we broke up," I said.
"I wasn't desperate. The other girls I texted I dont talk to anymore. Well, we don't talk anymore. And yeah, one of them were cute, but I didn't want to go out with her," he said.
Alright, time for the ultimate heartbreak story.
"One more thing: At the Valentine's Day dance, you slow danced with a bunch of other girls right in front of me. I sat there like an idiot, because I was hoping you were gonna ask me. You don't know how broken I was. But i still got back together with you on Valentine's Day anyway because that's how much I was still in love with you," I blurted.
"Oh, I didn't mean to dance with them in front of you. I was gonna ask you but... I don't know,"
Yeah, right.
"Oh... well... anyway..." I said.
"Yeah,"
"Can you not tell anyone about this conversation? Especially Hayden..." I asked.
"Yeah, I was gonna say the same. I flipper promise (Penguin flipper) I won't tell Hayden,"
"Thanks," I said and typed a smiley face.
"No problem," he said and typed a smiley face back.
Oh, Scott, how did it end up like this?

4-11-12
Today was boring. Hayden didn't talk to me at all. So I was freaking out. What if Scott told him what happened? What if it was Hayden who was secretly texting me from Scott's phone to test me? What if Scott told a friend and that friend told Hayden?! I don't know!
Everytime I saw him, he ignored me. And when I did my usual poke at lunch, there was no reaction. So I avoided him at recess because I didn't know if he was mad at me or not.
Scott and I didn't talk to each other, either. I wanted to, but I was waiting for him to start the conversation. He never did, so I just kept walking whenever I saw him. But... I still freaked out and rubbed my neck.
Just when I thought it was over between me and Hayden, he texted me after school.
"Hey," he said.
"Heyyy," I said.
Thank God.

4-12-12
I walked out of my homeroom and saw Hayden's class lined up in the hall. I met eye contact with Scott.
"Penguin Man!" I called out.
"Sup!" He called back. Okay... so I kinda blew off Hayden. But I talked to him all the time, so it's okay! I think.
I had to leave early today, so I went to my homeroom to pack up. As I was walking down the hall, I ran my mind through Hayden's class's schedule. The had Social Studies while I had art. Which means they were in my homeroom... s**t.
I opened the door, glanced at the class, and looked back down. While I walked toward my desk, I looked up. Daniel was sitting at my desk. He smirked and I shook my head. I kneeled down by desk and he scooted his chair back.
"This is my desk," he whispered.
"No it's not. It's mine," I whispered back.
"Stop touching me, Alyssa," he said, sarcastically, as I reached across his legs to get my books. I kept shaking the whole time, knowing that Hayden and Scott were in the same room.
"Shhh!" I laughed quietly.
I got up to get my backpack. Hayden's desk was near there. His red hair caught my eye, but I kept looking down as I grabbed my bag. I walked back to my desk and kneeled down again.
"You need to poke Hayden before you leave," Daniel whispered.
"Oh, haha," I whispered sarcastically. "Tell him I said 'hi',"
"Okay," he said. I stuffed everything in my backpack and left. Halfway through the hall, I realized I forgot my cell phone. S**t! I ran back and went into the classroom again. I asked Mrs. Horn for the keys to the closet and walked passed my desk again.
"Haha," Daniel whispered. I laughed and shook my head. I grabbed my cell phone out the closet, gave Mrs. Horn her keys back (which I had to walk passed Scott to do), and left (again).
And the only thing on my mind when I left was Scott.
S**t.
I'm so disappointed in myself.

4-13-12
Hayden stood in my classroom doorway in the morning, and I walked passed him. He caught my eye and I looked up at him. My eyes widened and I giggled. He smiled at me and I looked down, embarrassed that I didn't see him standing there earlier.
Then, I was walking in the hall with Manuela. Scott and Daniel were behind us. Daniel caught up with Manuela and started flirting with us. Scott and I (like always!) stood awkwardly to the side. We kept meeting eye contact and looking down. I playfully punched him.
"Ow, my penguin flipper," he laughed. I laughed, too. Then Mr. Pagoria came around the corner and told us not to lounge around in the hall. We all split up, going separate ways in the hall. I looked back and saw Scott looking back at me. Our eyes met and we both looked away. Coincidence?
At bowling, it sucked because Hayden's team and my team were far away from each other, so I didn't get to talk to Hayden that much. But... things with Scott kept happening.
When Scott first went to bowl, I watched him. He got a high score. He turned around and he looked at me. I looked away quickly and rubbed my neck. A little bit later, I felt someone looking at me from the corner of my eye. I turned my head and saw Scott staring at me. I looked away quickly. But then I looked back again. This time, he looked away. Ugh, seriously?!
Manuela and Autumn sat at Hayden's team's table. They all talked and I joined them.
"Ooh, I wanna sit here, too!" I said and plopped down in one of the chairs. Scott was there and he stared at me. It kinda got quiet. I felt weird for making it awkward. So I poked Hayden, smiled at him, and walked away.
Before we left, I caught up with Hayden again and hugged him. I hadn't for a long time and I was afraid he might get suspicious of me.
I walked out of the building and saw Scott waiting for his chaperone's car. I poked him and he jumped.
"Ow!" He said.
"I poked the penguin's blubber," I said as I walked passed him.
"What?" He asked.
I turned around, smiled at him, shook my head and said, "Nevermind,"
He smiled back.
At dismissal, Luis did a cartwheel.
"Ooh! I can do that, too!" Scott said.
"I wanna see, Penguin Man," I said.
"Nah, my shirt's not tucked in," he said.
"Yeah, sure," I said. I walked away and joined another conversation. Then, I heard my mom calling me.
"Oh, gotta go," I said. Scott said something to me, but he mumbled. "What?" I asked him.
He looked at me, smiled, shook his head and said, "Nevermind,"
I smirked. Clever, Scott. Very clever.

8:47 P.M.
Scott texted Manuela. She told me and I had gotten a little jealous but she said he doesn't like her. Besides, she wanted to ask him who Daniel likes.
Then she said, "I'm gonna get the real juice out of Scott about you,"
I waited.
Then, "He doesn't like you... sorry,"
Well, that hurt. I knew it. I f*****g knew it. It was too good to be true. That whole conversation we had was bullshit. All that eye contact we made was bullshit. All the flirting and joking was bullshit. Scott is bullshit. He f*****g lied to me. No wonder I used to call him a douchebag! Because he is one!
Well guess what? He can say bye-bye to flirty Alyssa, and hello so that one girl he used to know. Because I'm permanently erasing him from my life.
I went through my contacts on my phone until I found Scott's number. I blocked him. I went on Oovoo and looked through my contacts on there. I deleted him. I'm done.
I'm so sorry Hayden. You don't deserve me. I'm a s****y idiot. I'll understand if you'd want to leave me and I'll be okay with it. Because I deserve it.

4-16-12

I was texting Madison and she kept forwarding messages to me about Scott.
"Alyssa, this is what he just sent me: OMG!!! Tell her why is she such an immature b***h. Tell her I don't care what she calls me because she is not important to me," she said.
"Tell him he's being immature because he's the one who won't say s**t to my face! He's too much of a p***y to!" I said.
"He just sent this and said that u are immature and a b***h. 'Her face is so God damn ugly that everytime I see it, I wanna puke,"
"Tell him: How am I immature? Because I actually try to defend myself? At least I don't tell lies to get sympathy from other people,"
"This is one: Tell her she's being immature because I had apologized for what I did in the past. Now she's being a b***h about it now and tell her also I just wanna be friends.  That's it if you wanna trash talk me. I'll be mean. But if your nice, I'll be nice and have your back,"
"Tell him I was friends with him until I found out he lied to me when he told me he liked me, and when i found out he's been talking s**t behind MY back to daniel. Everything he told me was bullshit and I'm tired of it,"
"He said he's sorry,"
Bullshit.
"Tell him I don't believe him and I'm afraid I'll look like an idiot again for forgiving him, like I did the last five times," I said.
"He said he's sorry," she said again and typed a sad face.
"Tell him I still don't believe him. It's gonna take a lot more than sorry to fix this,"
I said I had to go study and I left. If Scott wasn't such a liar, then I would believe him. But since he is, it's pretty f*****g hard to believe him. I guess he hasn't learned that,  though.

4-17-12
I finally got to see Hayden today and I was so happy! I saw him in the hall during break. He was with Scott. Perfect.
"Hayden!" I called out. Scott glanced at me and looked down.
"What?" He asked and turned around.
"I need to tell you something," I said and grinned.
"What?" He said again and smiled.
"Come here," I said. He leaned down and I whispered in his ear, "I love you."
"Really!" He said out loud, acting as if it was something bad.
"Yes, really!" I giggled and ran off, completely ignoring Scott.
Then, at recess, I talked to Hayden and Madison. Scott was completely on the other side of the field. Thank God. If I look at him one more time, I'll puke (heh heh).
I stepped onto the balance beam and tried walking across it. I almost fell off, but I caught myself.
"Hayden!" I said and reached out my hand. He smiled and held it as I walked again.
"Awww," Madison said.
"Well, it helped," Hayden said. I smiled at him and stepped down.
Then, Madison told me I had a bee on my back. I froze.
"Really?" I asked. Hayden walked behind me.
"Yep," he said.
"Oh my God," I said.
"Hayden, help her!" Madison said. He flicked my shoulder.
"It's gone," he said. Turned around and leaned on Hayden's shoulder.
"Oh, thank you," I said, over exaggerating.
"It's dead," he laughed. I laughed, too. (Lol, this is so cheesy and boring.)
Then, I did my usual hug before going inside.
During religion class, I kept watching the clock. At 2:50 I was gonna ask to go to the bathroom. Because I knew Hayden's class was going to be coming out of religion class. And the bathrooms are right next door. Yes, I've memorized all of Hayden's schedule...
Anyway, I turned the corner and saw Hayden's class. Just in time. Then, I ran into Hayden.
"Oh! Sorry!" I said.
"It's okay!" Hayden said.
"Oh wow, good job," Scott said but I pretended not to hear him. Oh well.

6:34 P.M.
"Scott said just now that he will say sorry when u are mature," Madison texted me. Ugh, here we go again.
"OMG WTF! I AM mature!!! How am I not mature?! I'm being myself! And that makes me immature?! If he can't accept me for who I am, then that's fine. I'm done. Subject over," I replied.
But it continued.
"He just said this: She's calling me an a*****e, is she dumb?! Tell her she's calling me an a*****e and that's mature?" Madison texted me.
"Tell him he's calling me a b***h! Yeah, that's SOOO f*****g mature!" I said.
"He said this: She's trashed talked me more. Tell her let's just drop everything and ignore each other without trash talking. Just leave each other alone,"
"That's fine with me," I said.
But it isn't.

4-18-12
Today was normal. Scott and I ignored each other like we said. I still saw him everywhere, but I pretended I didn't. I would rub my neck, he would rub the back of his head, we would both look down, and pass each other.
At lunch, I walked up to Hayden.
"Hey, Hayden, are you going to the dance on Friday?" I asked as I shoved my hands in my pockets and rocked back and forth on my feet, innocently.
"I don't know. Probably," he said and smiled.
"Okay!" I said.
"Oh, so you're rocking back and forth now for Hayden?" Daniel asked.
"Psh," I said and walked away.
And the best part is, I didn't look at Scott at all.
At recess, I couldn't be all touchy on Hayden because Mrs. Horn was watching us like a hawk. She knew we were dating, alright. After that slideshow of pictures from D.C. There were at least four pictures of Hayden and I standing next to each other. So Mrs. Horn knows.

I glanced at Scott a couple times and everytime I did, he would turn away and run his fingers through his hair. I'm not sure what that means. You never know with Scott anymore.
If he goes to the dance, I hope every girl he asks to dance with rejects him. I'm not being a b***h, I'm just tired of him. I want him to know what it feels like to be broken. And if he asks me to dance... I don't know. It depends on how I feel that night. And if Hayden goes. But I'm pretty sure I'll blow him off.
Like he did to me.

4-19-12
At recess, I talked to Hayden and Madison again. The Three Musketeers, I always say. Even though Hayden gets annoyed with Madison sometimes... haha...
Daniel walked up to us and, of course, Scott followed.
"How's this party going?" Daniel asked.
"Oh... fine... you know..." I mumbled and looked down. Scott ran his fingers through his hair and turned away again. I tried not to pay much attention to him. Hayden was right next to me.
"See, Scott always follows Daniel," Madison whispered to me.
"I think we already established that in D.C.," I said out loud, glancing at Scott. Madison and I giggled. "But no, I can't say anything anymore so," I said and shrugged. Scott didn't say a word. Mitchell mumbled something insulting (I forgot what, though.)
"How about I kick you in the nuts, and you go away," I said back.
"Oooh," Daniel and Scott burned.
"And then Mrs. Horn will give you Friday detention and you won't be able to go to the dance. Oooh," Daniel said.
"Oh s**t, nevermind then," I said and everyone laughed. They all walked away. Thank God.
Was I mature enough for you today, Scott? And I wasn't talking s**t behind your back because I was right in front of you. So what are you gonna say now?
Ugh, I can't wait until the dance tomorrow.

4-20-12
I waited in the hall to get into Spanish. Everyone was looking at the paintings on the wall from art class. They were pictures of kings and queens. Manuela pointed out Scott's. It was ugly. Then, I looked at the title of his painting.
"King of Penguins".
Really? He named it after our inside joke? That's weird... does that mean... he still cares? No. He probably made that before we had the fight, and now he regrets naming it that.
At bowling, me and Hayden's teams were close to each other. So we actually got to talk.
"You have the gay sparkly ball!" I said.
"No, it works. Watch," Hayden said. He bowled and got a gutter ball.
"Yeah, that really works," I said, sarcastically and smirked.
"No, wait!" Hayden said. He bowled and got a strike. My jaw dropped. Hayden looked back at me and smiled.
"Okay, that was good luck!" I laughed. He laughed back.
Later, I looked at Scott and saw an old man talking to him. Hayden and I exchanged looks and laughed silently. Scott just nodded at everything the man said, but you could tell he wasn't really listening. The old man walked away and Hayden and I burst out laughing. Scott looked at me and I smiled but looked away quickly, knowing that I couldn't talk to him anymore.
"I got molested," he said. I looked back at him.
"What?" I asked.
"I got molested," he said and smiled. I laughed. I guess that means everything's alright? I don't know, because we still didn't talk for the rest of the time.
I bowled and only hit two pins.
"Ugh," I said to Hayden.
"Well, it's better than nothing," he said and smiled.
"Yeah," I said.
Hayden's team finished their two rounds. So he talked to me the rest of the time. Scott and I said some things once in a while.
Talking to Hayden must've been distracting me, because I started doing horrible while bowling.
"I only got one pin!" I whined.
"Aw," Hayden said.
"It's better than nothing," I said, looked up at him, and smiled.
"Yup," he said and smiled back.
Our chaperones dropped us all back at school and left. The teachers weren't back yet, so we were locked out of the school. The rest of the girls weren't there yet either, so I was the only one. I hung out with Hayden again. The boys were picking on Chris so I tried to hug him.
"Oh, I see how it is," Hayden said.
"Awww, nooo," I said and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back. It was long. "Since the teachers aren't here..." I said.
"Yeah, they would've freaked out if they saw," Hayden said.
To me, it was our moment. Yeah, it was only a hug.
But it's better than nothing.

11:48 P.M.
When I first got to the dance, Madison dragged me to the bathroom right away.
"I'm scared!" Madison said.
"Scared of what?" I asked.
"Scott!" She said.
"Is he here?" I asked.
"No, not yet. I'll text him," she said.
"No!" I said and grabbed her hand, "Don't text him. He'll think you're obsessed."
"Okay," she said. But later she still did anyway.
We walked out. I scanned the whole room for Hayden.
"Where's Hayden?" I asked Madison.
"Right there," she said and pointed over at a crowd of boys. I spotted Hayden's red hair. He was wearing a hoodie and jeans. Just my taste.
"He looks adorable!" I said out loud. Then, my eyes widened and I looked at Madison. She started laughing.
I kept waiting for Hayden to come over to talk to me. I wasn't gonna go to him first. If he really wanted me, then he had to come and get me.
But he didn't. Maybe he was nervous? I looked over at him again. He was looking at me. He smiled and waved. I smiled back and waved.
Suddenly, Madison screamed. I turned around, startled.
"He's hear!" She shouted. I covered her mouth and stopped her from bouncing up and down. I looked toward the entrance. There Scott was, wearing that same shirt he wore to that dance he broke up with me at.
Wait a minute. That light blue shirt.
I looked down at my shirt. It was light blue also, but mine had a Hollister logo on it. S**t. Scott and I were practically matching!
He walked in and glanced over at me and Madison. Our eyes met and he turned away.
"Bathroom!" Madison grabbed my hand and ran off, almost knocking me off my feet as I tried catching up with her.
She bounced up and down, giggling. I grabbed her shoulders, "Madison,"
Her smiled faded, "What?"
"Don't freak out around him. Keep calm and act casual or else he'll think you're weird. Don't scream," I warned her. She nodded. "Let's go," I said.
As we walked out, Madison said, "Wanna go say hi to the guys?"
"No, Scott's over there," I said.
"But so is Hayden," she said. My stomach dropped and I thought I would almost scream, too. But I listened to my own advice.
"Alright," I said. First we stood around and waited for the right moment. Hayden's back was faced toward me. And his hoodie was just waiting to be tugged...
I ran over and pulled Hayden's hoodie over his head.
"I'm sorry, I just had to do that," I said as Hayden turned around. We smiled at each other. "Hi," I said.
"Hi," he said. Him and I talked. But eventually I went back over to Madison after it got awkward.
Then, a slow song came on.
I Love You This Big by Scotty Mcreery. I recognized the song just by the first note. It totally sent me on a flashback. When we were dating, Scott had sent me that song and said it reminded him of me. I remember laughing at the song when I first heard it because it was country. But now... it made my heart sink. I took a few steps backward and ran into Hayden.
"Hayden!" I said.
"Heyyy," he said.
We talked more. I was waiting for him to suggest us to slow dance. He never did. He must've been nervous...
"Oh, Hayden," I said and grabbed his hand. I lead him to a stop on the dancefloor and tried to put my arms around him. He was too tall.
"Ahhh! You're so tall!" I said.
"Here," he said and shrunk down. I laughed. I put my hands on his shoulders and leaned against his chest. He laid his head on mine and we swayed back and forth. This was it. This was our-
"AWWW!" A girl squealed. Our heads popped up. It was Glory. "You guys are so cute!"
"Thank you?" I said, uneasily. She stood there, smiling. Then, she walked away.
"Awkward," I said.
"I know right," Hayden said.
We both laughed. Then we went back to our moment. Scott was standing behind us. I glanced at him. He was looking down and rubbing the back of his head. Oh well.
The song ended and Hayden and I seperated.
"Yay," I said. Hayden laughed. I looked back at Madison. "Oh God, is she crying?"
"Uh oh," Hayden said.
"I'll be right back," I said. I ran over to Madison. Her face was red and tear-stained. She sniffled and showed me her phone.
"Stalker," it said. It was a text message from Scott. My jaw dropped and I slowly pushed her phone down. I linked arms with Madison and took her to the bathroom.
"What happened?" I asked.
"We're fighting. He called me a stalker and I talked back and now we're fighting,"
"Don't text back! Do what I did, block his number,"
Madison shook her head.
"Madison, he's been talking behind your back this whole time. You need to let him go. He's not who you think he is,"I said. We walked back out and I found Hayden again. I hugged him, overwhelmed by all the drama. He hugged me back.
I looked at the dancefloor. No one from my school was dancing. This was the last dance.

I should make the best of it.
I walked over to Madison. She wasn't crying anymore, but her face was still a little red.
"Madison, let's go dance," I said. She smiled and took my hand. We ran to the dancefloor and danced crazily. We might've looked like losers, but who cares anymore? It's almost the end of the year.
Madison kept looking back at Scott.
"He keeps looking over here..." she said. I turned her around.
"Madison, let's just have fun and not worry about boys," I said. Even though, after that I kept glancing at Hayden. I kept catching him watching me dance. But I still had fun.
Later, while I was still dancing, I ran into someone. I turned around.
"Hayden! Ahhh! What are you doing here?!" I said and leaned against him, embarrassed.
He laughed.
"You make me nervous," I said, smiling.
"Why?" He whined.
"Because," I whined back. I started dancing again, but not as crazy as I was before. Hayden awkwardly stood there.
"Haydennn, you're being boring," I said and took his hands. He smiled at me as I swung his hands back and forth. I giggled and hugged him.
We slow danced to every song. I always caught Scott watching us once in a while but whatever.
The last slow song played. I was talking to Hayden, Daniel, and Manuela. I knew Daniel wanted to slow dance with Manuela, but he was too afraid to ask.
When Manuela was looking away, I said, "Psst, Daniel." He looked at me. I pointed at Manuela.
"Hey, Manuela, wanna dance?" He asked her. She said yes and they walked off together.
I didn't want the dance to end. I liked spending time with Hayden. We were either holding hands or just talking.
Later, Hayden and I sat down in some chairs. I looked up at Madison and she waved for me to come to her.
"Hang on, I'll be right back," I said to Hayden.
"Nooo," Hayden said as I stood up.
"Hang on! Madison needs to tell me something," I whined.
"Nooo," Hayden said and grabbed my hand. I froze.
"Okay," I giggled and sat back down.
At the end of the dance, Hayden and I walked out together. He saw his dad so I hugged him goodbye.
As I walked toward my mom, I ran into Scott.
"Oh," I said. He just stared at me. I shook my head and kept walking. Oh well.
This was officially the best dance ever!

4-23-12
I walked out of my homeroom and saw Hayden's class lined up in the hall.
"Hi, Hayden!" I said.
"Hi," he said and smiled. Scott was standing next to him and he just kept looking down.
At lunch, I walked passed Hayden's table.
"Hey, Hayden, guess what?" I said.
"What?" He asked.
"I laugh at you!" I said.
"Oh my gosh," he laughed.
At recess, Hayden and I laughed at everything we saw. We just found everything hilarious for some reason. First, Autumn was attacking me. Then, she started screaming. Then we saw Dalton rolling on the ground.
Daniel came over and talked to us. I saw a miniature wooden house in the woods.
"Hey, look a house!" I said. It got silent.
"Hayden, perverted thoughts," Daniel said. They both cracked up.
"Ewww," I laughed.
"It's you guys' house," Daniel poined out. "Now go have fun."
We all laughed.
At the end of recess, I hugged Hayden goodbye again and went inside. Mrs. Hessen saw but she didn't say anything. Awkward.

4-24-12
I met up with Hayden again at recess. He hugged me for some reason, but I hugged him back. Yay!
We talked and Daniel came over again, but this time Scott followed.
"Can you go away?" I asked Daniel.
"No," he said.
"Please, because certain people follow you and... it just gets really crowded," I said and glanced at Scott. He picked at this eyebrow, knowing that I meant him.
"Scott looks all helpless," Hayden said.
"Psh, he always does," I said like a b***h. Hayden and I laughed.
Scott whispered something to Daniel. I knew it was about me because I heard my name. Daniel smirked, but I didn't say anything.
Who gives a f**k?  If you want to say something then say it to my face. Besides, it's almost the end of the year. I know I keep saying that, but I have to keep telling myself that to stay worry-free.
I feel bad, though, because Hayden is always saying he'll always love me and he wants us to last forever.
Silly Hayden, nothing lasts forever.

4-25-12
Today was pretty normal. Nothing special happened. Hayden and I talked and flirted. Scott and I met awkward eye contact and ignored each other. And Madison told me about her bi-polar love life.
I've been starving myself lately. Luis is having a pool party in a couple of weeks and I need a better body. I at least just want my stomach to be flat. Josh is also gonna be there, so I wanna impress him, too. Even though Hayden's gonna be there haha. That's another thing. I'm planning on having a moment with Hayden so that we could... makeout. Ahhh! Yeah, I said it.
I mean, it almost happened at the dance. We were talking and he said something cute so I looked at him and smiled. He did the same and we were just staring at each other. I almost leaned in, but then I freaked out and said, "ANYWAYS..."
Ugh, why am I so awkward.

4-26-12
Hayden came out of Social Studies. My class was lined up against the wall in the hallway. When Hayden walked passed me, I pretended to trip him.
"Trip!" I said as I stuck my foot out in front of him.
"Really?" Hayden said and smiled at me. I smiled back and kept walking.
At snack time, I walked with Madison in the hall. Daniel walked passed me.
"Where's Manuela?!" He asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Why isn't she with you?" He asked. Scott stood behind him and stared at me.
"I don't know, she went back inside?"
"Okay," he said and walked away. Scott walked away but glanced back at me. I kept walking.

9:18 P.M.
I unblocked Scott's number... I know, I'm stupid. But I don't really care anymore. Like I said, it's almost the end of the year so I don't give a f**k about anything anymore.
Something must've sent him a message saying that I unblocked him, because then he texted me.
"You unblocked me?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm kinda over the whole thing that happened. It was stupid," I replied.
"Yeah listen, I'm sorry for everything that happened. It was mostly my fault, but still I feel bad,"
"It's okay. I'm sorry for calling you names and stuff. It just takes me a while to forgive people,"
"Its okay and am I Penguin Man again?"
"Haha, yeah,"
"Yeah, buddy!"
We both typed smiley faces.
And I guess that's it... we made up... as friends, of course.

4-27-12
In bowling, Hayden clapped for me everytime I bowled. Even when I messed up. We talked a lot and I cheered for him everytime he bowled.
Scott went up to bowl and got a gutter ball.
"Awww, Penguin Fail!" I called out.
Scott looked at me and smiled uneasily, "Yeah." He failed again and said, "My penguin flippers are wet!"
"Heh, he needs to wash his paws," Hayden said.
I laughed, "You means his flippers?"
"Oh! Yeah, his flippers," Hayden corrected himself. We both cracked up.
Everytime Hayden went up to bowl, I called out, "Go wash your paws!" He would crack up and mess up his bowling.
Scott bowled again.
"And there goes Penguin Man up to bowl!" I narrorated.
Scott turned around and smiled, "I heard Penguin Man."
Hayden and I laughed.
Our bowling coach shut off our games and we put everything away. I was the last one to change my shoes, so everyone ditched me. I stood up and saw Hayden waiting for me.
"Awww, you waited for me," I said.
"Yeah, I didn't want you to be a loner," he said and smiled. I smiled back and we both walked out together.
Our chaperones dropped us off again at the school and the teachers weren't there yet. I walked up to Hayden and Scott. We all talked and laughed and got along.
Okay, I'll admit it. I still like Scott. A tiny bit. I'm kinda happy that we're friends again. Yeah, I'll probably go back to paying more attention to him than Hayden. Actually... no. I'll stop myself from the doing that. I like Hayden way more. I don't want to let him down either.

4-30-12
I walked out of my classroom and saw Hayden's class lined up. I walked passed Hayden and poked him. He turned around and smiled. I smiled back.
Later, I went into the cafeteria to get the lunch count. There he was again.
"Stalker," I joked.
"What?!" Hayden asked.
"I'm kidding!" I laughed.
In literature, the people who weren't in NJHS had to go down to the science lab, while the NJHS members practiced for their ceremony. I'm not in NJHS, so I went down to the science lab. Hayden's class was still in there for their period. I automatically started shaking once I walked in. Me and some other boys sat down at an empty table. Hayden looked up at me and smiled. Then, I felt something hit my back. I turned around and saw Daniel smirking at me. I gave him a look and picked up the eraser he threw at me. I threw it at Hayden and giggled when he flinched.
While his class was leaving, I heard Scott say, "...she likes balls,"
I looked at him funny.
"Oh, no! Not you!" He said and smiled. I laughed.
"Yeah, you have no idea what we're talking about," Hayden laughed.
At recess, I talked to Hayden and Madison. Daniel came over and Scott followed.

"Where's Manuela?" He asked.
"I don't know. Go stalk her," I said.
"Ugh," Daniel groaned.
"Ugh," I mimicked.
"Ugh!"
"Ugh!"
"Those are some weird noises," Scott said. I laughed. They eventually walked away. Then it was me and Hayden again. But... they came back.
"He put his finger up his hole," Anthony said.
"Ew, what?" I asked. All the boys cracked up. Scott and I kept looking at each other. I raised my eyebrows and looked down. We both reached up and rubbed the back of our necks. Weird.
Then he said something funny and I laughed casually. He probably wanted to stop the awkwardness. Thank you!
I came out of math class and saw Hayden walking toward the bathroom. I stepped in front of him and pretended to trip him.
"Really?" He smiled.
"Yup!" I smiled back.
After I passed him, I thought for a minute. I wonder if he knew I was coming out of math class at that time, so Hayden asked to go to the bathroom to walk passed me. That's what I usually do when he comes out of science. The math and science room are right next to the bathrooms.
Oh Hayden, I love you so much.

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems.