February

2-1-12

“Do you still like me?” Scott texted me.

“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?” I replied.

“Because you told Daniel everyone’s calling you an idiot for getting back together with me. But then when I break up with you, I’m a douchebag or the biggest f*****g loser ever,”

Here we go again… I thought.

“Just ignore them. Even though the girls are kind of being snobs (no offense) about me getting back together with you, I don’t care. We all make our own decisions. It was my decision to get back together with you because I really like you and no one can decide that for me,” I explained.

Silent pause.

Then, I said, “I love you… a lot.”

“I… I don’t know,” he replied finally.

Okay, what the f**k? I thought. I just typed that whole paragraph for you and you reply with “I don’t know”? Ugh.

“I’m just confused,” Scott said.

“Well then so am I. I don’t know who to believe now,” I said.

“Just friends for now?”

Fine. Again. I guess.

“Sure, and this time I won’t say anything,” I said.

“Thanks, and you’re a friend to me, but more like a sister,”

Uh… cool? Thanks?

“Haha, yeah,” I said. (WTF?)

“Thanks,” he said again.

“No problem,” I said when I really wanted to say thanks for nothing.

Thanks for the fake hugs. Thanks for the broken hearts. Thanks for those two words you ever actually said to me. Thanks for the worthless slow dancing.

Thanks for nothing.

 

2-2-12

Me and Brandon flirted like crazy today. At lunch, we had to sit at a table together to do makeup work. Just us. Alone. At a table. Together.

“Waa, I got chili on me!” Brandon said in a high pitched voice. “Can you get me a napkin?” he asked, sarcastically.

“Okay,” I said and stood up.

“Oh, seriously? Okay,” Brandon said, surprised. I gave him a napkin.

Scott was sitting two tables in front of us. We met awkward eye contact. He must’ve noticed me and Brandon sitting together. Alone. (Hahaha, I sound like such a creeper.)

Me and Brandon worked on a test together. We weren’t supposed to, but we didn’t care. And I kinda developed a crush on Brandon again. I wanted to, though. It’s the only way to get over Scott.

Later, on the way to math class, I dropped my calculator. The boys laughed but Brandon picked it up and gave it to me.

“Oh, thanks…” I said.

“You’re welcome,” he said.

In math tutoring after school, I dropped my cell phone. The battery came out as it hit the ground.

“No!” I screamed. My prized possession!

I went to pick it up, but Mitchell beat me to it. He picked up all the pieces and tried to put them together.

“I’ve got it,” I said.

“No, I’ve got it,” Mitchell said. As he put my phone together, I got this weird feeling in my stomach. Why was he being nice for once? After him calling me homo and all our fights, does he still have tiny feelings for me?

Do I?

 

9:32 P.M.

“Hey, did you draw a picture of me and you holding hands?” Scott texted me.

“What?” I asked.

“There was this picture someone drew of me and you holding hands,”

My stomach dropped and I had a major flashback. I drew that picture! But I never showed it to any of the boys. How did Scott see? I checked my folder for the paper. It was gone.

Holy s**t.

“Oh… how’d you see that?” I asked.

“Iyana found it on the floor. Did you draw it?” Scott asked.

“Yeah, when we were still dating, though. It must’ve slipped out of my folder,”

“Oh. Thanks, though, for drawing it. It was sweet of you,”

“You’re welcome,”

Yeah.

When we were still dating.

 

2-3-12

Everyone was freaking out about the whole drawing thing. I was like yes! I drew it! So what?!

Me and Scott avoided each other all day. I acted like I didn’t care. But I really did.

Like, in the hall. I was walking to homeroom and he was walking toward me with a friend. When we saw each other, we looked down. I kept walking straight, but he curved around me and kept walking. I got this weird feeling in my stomach and I just wanted to die.

Call me an idiot, but yes, I still like him.

Call me an idiot again but… I dropped the drawing on the floor on purpose. I wanted him to see how much I cared, okay? I knew his class had to go that way to get to math class, so I purposely dropped it there when no one was looking. And… my plan kinda worked out okay.

At dismissal, I flirted with Daniel and Emil. Scott was right behind us, so I was kinda hoping he noticed…

The Valentine’s Day Dance is coming up and I’m hoping something special will happen. You know… so I can get over Scott.

 

6:45 P.M.

When we were dating, Scott told me he would go to the school play on Friday because I was going.

That play was today. I dressed cute, thinking he would still show up even though we broke up.

He didn’t.

So there I was, fighting back tears throughout the 30 minute play.

 

2-6-12

I was waiting in the hall to go into homeroom. I looked into Mrs. Kwoka’s doorway and saw Scott throwing something away. I looked down. What if he knew I was standing there so he went by the doorway on purpose? Nahhh… maybe I’m overthinking- again.

I went into Mrs. Kwoka’s classroom to give her a student’s clip that was left in my homeroom.

“Mrs. Kwoka, is this anybody’s?” I showed her the hairclip. Scott walked right passed me. His shoulder brushed against mine and I froze. Mrs. Kwoka looked at me strangely.

“I… I mean… do you know if this is anybody’s?” I stuttered.

“It could be Grace’s,” Payton said.

“Yes, Grace’s,” Mrs. Kwoka said, taking the clip. I scurried out of the classroom. Was he trying to make me notice him? I thought he didn’t care.

Until recess…

I was flirting with Mitchell in the front corner of the field. Usually, Scott stays in the back. But this time, he came to the front, around me and Mitchell. I glanced at him once. He was laughing, happily, with his friends. He was smiling. That smile… S**T.

I turned back around and rubbed my neck while looking down.

Does he still care?

Or is it just me?

Psh, it’s just me.

 

2-7-12

In the morning, Mrs. Horn had everyone from Mrs. Kwoka’s class who didn’t do their Capitol project come see her. Scott didn’t come in. Thank God.

I didn’t finish the project so I had to do it in homeroom during lunch. Those students from Mrs. Kwoka’s to do it in my classroom, too. Guess I won’t see Scott, I thought.

I looked up from my work.

Daniel, Matt, Scott… wait, SCOTT?! What’s he doing here?! I thought. My eyes widened and I looked back down. I looked back up and saw Scott and Daniel whispering. Daniel glanced at me and grinned. I shook my head at him. Was Scott talking about me? Maybe I’m just paranoid.

Scott sat two desks behind me. He and Matt talked. The sound of his voice made me shake. I tried squeezing my glue and I shook more. Hopefully, Scott didn’t notice.

I finished my work quickly, packed up, and zoomed out of the classroom.

I really like him. A lot. I don’t care what anyone else says. I love him

So f*****g much.

 

2-8-12

Things I do when I’m nervous:

1.      Rub my neck

2.      Look down

3.      Shake

4.      Stutter

5.      Shake my head

6.      Cover my face

 

Me and Manuela walked out of the classroom during snack time. We were talking and I looked behind us. Scott. He was with Daniel and they were walking to buy snack. I whirled around and acted casual. Well, I at least tried to. They caught up to us and Daniel started flirting with Manuela. Me and Scott stood beside them quietly. We met awkward eye contact. I looked down and rubbed my neck. Then, I tried flirting with Daniel but he was too into Manuela.

Coming in from recess, Daniel kicked the back of my leg.

“What the hell,” I said and shoved him. Scott was behind us, but I pretended I didn’t notice. Daniel tried tripping me again but I held onto the door of the school and walked in. Daniel and Scott went a different way.

Scott’s so quiet and shy. That’s one of the reasons I liked him. Well, I still do like him, but… I don’t even know if he likes me anymore.

You know what I’ve been thinking lately? That me and Scott broke up because of other people’s opinions on our relationship. Maybe Scott still liked me, but he couldn’t stand what everyone kept saying.

So… this whole thing isn’t my fault.

It’s everyone’s.

 

2-9-12

I know I sound ridiculous… talking about missing Scott and all, but I just can’t get him off my mind. Like today, I walked passed my classroom door and looked out. Scott was walking by. Our eyes met. My stomach flipped and I walked quickly passed my door.

“Agh…” I whispered to myself and shook my head.

Coming in from recess, Scott and Daniel were behind me and Sierra.

“Do it,” I heard someone say. I heard them getting closer and closer. I zoomed toward the school door, leaving Sierra behind, and opened it.

“Ahhh, lost your chance,” I heard someone say again. I went inside and waited for Sierra. Was Scott gonna ask me something? No! No! I’m just paranoid. Grr.

But… at dismissal…

I was talking to my friends and Scott walked passed me. I looked up and watched him walk to the edge of the sidewalk. As he was waiting to cross, he turned around and looked at me. Straight at me. I looked down quickly and replayed the moment over and over in my head. When he looked at me, he sort of looked… worried. Like, I can’t explain it. It could’ve been my imagination. He could’ve been looking at someone next to me or behind me and I just assumed he was looking at me. But you never know.

Anyway, the dance is tomorrow night. Wish me luck!

 

2-10-12

“So I heard about you and Dalton,” Daniel said to me at dismissal.

“Ew, no. I like someone else,” I whined.

“Who? Scott?” Daniel said. I looked up and saw Scott right there.

I looked back down and shook my head, “Nooo!”

“Alyssa!” Iyana called out and pulled me over. Thank God. Then, I saw my mom. How embarrassing. It was raining so she had her umbrella and raincoat on. She looked ridiculous. I shoved my way through the crowd and walked through the crowd.

I can’t wait for tonight.

 

11:47 P.M.

Everyone commented on my outfit, so I knew I looked okay. But did Scott think I looked okay?

We avoided each other, like usual. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, though. He could be avoiding me because he still likes me and he’s shy. Or… he’s just avoiding me because we broke up. Ugh.

I had fun, though. I flirted with some guys. Not to make Scott jealous, but just to have fun.

Then, a slow song came on. I sat down quickly. I had a bunch of daydreams in my head about me and Scott, but he just sat there. He never asked me. But… Mitchell did.

We danced. We talked. It was kind of awkward.

“I don’t get dating here. We can’t talk at school,” Mitchell said.

“Yeah, we can,” I said.

“Oh yeah,”

“We just can’t make out,” I laughed.

“Well, in front of the bathrooms…”

“You did it once?!”

“Yeah,”

“With who?!”

“Katie,”

“Oh, wow,”

“Yeah,”

Awkward silence.

“Making out with Katie was a mistake. But dating you… wasn’t a mistake,” Mitchell said.

Those words. He actually said them. In person. To me.

“Mitchell… you know I still like Scott,” I said.

He shrugged.

The song ended and we let go.

Later, another slow song came on. I waited for Scott again. He was sitting next to Daniel and some other girl. She was really pretty. Scott faced the girl and said something. They stood up together and Daniel cheered Scott on.

They danced.

My chest hurt. I watched them sway back and forth together. I stood up and ran to the bathroom. I went into a stall and closed the door.

Don’t cry. Do not cry, I thought. I took a deep breath and clutched my stomach.

The next slow song, Jordan asked me. While we were slow dancing, it was funny because he kept pretending to sing to me.

I looked to my left. Scott. He was with another girl. My smile dropped and I looked down. I’ve never felt so broken before.

I sat out the rest of the dance. Mitchell bought me a drink. Why is he suddenly being so nice?

I can’t.

I still have hope for Scott.

So when Mitchell asked me to dance again, I said no. I sat down and waited for Scott.

He didn’t move.

I guess I was just expecting something I knew wasn’t gonna happen.

 

2-13-12

At recess, a little girl gave me a soccer ball to use.

“Oh, Alyssa, you’re so mean,” someone said. I turned around. It was Daniel. Scott was with him and I tried not to look at him.

“What the hell?” I asked Daniel.

“You’re so mean. You stole that ball,” Daniel said. I threw the ball at him. They both dodged it and it hit the bushes.

“Ha! You missed! Or were you trying to aim for Scott?”

The smile on my face faded and I looked down.

“Ohhh…,” Daniel said and smirked.

“No, she wouldn’t do that,” Scott said.

I looked up as he said those words. Was he serious, or was he being sarcastic?

He walked away and I looked for Mitchell. I looked at Scott and he was looking at me. 1. 2. 3. I looked down and rubbed my neck.

I found Mitchell.

“What?” he asked.

“I was thinking about the dance and everything you said. You bought me a drink and everything. It was sweet of you. Sorry for saying no the second time you asked me to dance,” I explained.

“Yeah, okay. It’s okay,” he said. He stood up and walked away.

Well, that wasn’t the reaction I wanted.

 

9:13 P.M.

“Alyssa, I was wondering since tomorrow’s Valentine’s day, will you be my valentine? And… my girlfriend,” Scott texted me.

F**k. Ugh… I just can’t say no…

“Awww! Sure!” I said.

“Awww, thanks,” he said.

“I missed you so much,”

“I missed you, too, so much!”

“Awww!”

“I love you!”

“I love you, too!”

Wait a minute.

What the f**k just happened?

 

2-14-12

“You got back together with Scott,” Daniel said to me during break.

“I know,” I said.

“You guy are on and off and on and off…”

I turned around and saw Scott. I ran into the cafeteria and smiled to myself. Then, I turned around and saw him again. He was smiling, too.

“Hi, Scott,” I said.

“Hey,” he said, still smiling. I felt so giddy it wasn’t even funny.

At lunch, I walked by Scott’s table. Daniel whispered something to me, but I couldn’t understand him, so I ignored him.

He finally said, “Say happy Valentine’s day to him! He made you this,” Daniel shoved half a pretzel in my face. I slapped his hand and walked towards Scott. I  stood behind him, wrapped my arms around him, and said, “Happy Valentine’s day,”

Manuela (who was with me) and Daniel’s eyes widened.

Scott held my arms and said, “Thanks, happy Valentine’s day,”

“Awww,” I heard Daniel say, sarcastically. I let go and felt my face get hot. I ran to my seat and felt myself blush deeply.

He probably didn’t deserve that, but I just wanted to hold him one more time.

 

2-20-12

So… how do I start this? Well, this weekend was our Washington, D.C. field trip and DAMN, it was fun.

When I first got to the airport on Thursday, the first thing I saw was Scott. We met eye contact a couple of times and I kept having day dreams about us together on the trip. Like, walking together on the tour and sitting together on the bus. But no. That didn’t happen. Of course. He did the usual Daniel talking to me for him thing. We didn’t even walk near each other. He would be all the way ahead of the crowd with Daniel while I would be in the back with my mom.

Halfway into the Arlington Cemetery tour, Mitchell caught up with me. We walked together and talked.

“So are… you and Scott still dating?” Mitchell asked.

“Yeah, we got back together on Monday,” I said.

“Dude, are you kidding me?”

“No,”

“I didn’t know that. Scott didn’t tell me,”

“He told Daniel so I thought he told everyone else,”

“I was gonna ask you out on this trip,”

“Nuh uh! No way! No, you weren’t!”

“Yes, I  was,”

“Mitchell, that’s why I tried talking to you on Monday! I was expecting you to ask me out because I wasn’t with Scott, but you were just like ‘Oh, okay’. That wasn’t the reaction I wanted,”

“Oh,”

“Yeah,”

“F**k,”

Stupid, I thought. We caught up with crowd and Scott kept looking at us. I looked at my friends and they raised their eyebrows at me and Mitchell. I shook my head and tried to pay attention to Scott. When Scott saw, did he care? Was he jealous? Would he tell Mitchell to back off? No.

Because later…

“Hayden took an embarrassing picture of Scott next to a naked statue,” one of the boys said.

“Nah,” I said.

“Yeah, show her, Hayden,”

“Fine, show me,”

“No,” Hayden said.

“You know Scott’s texting, like, three other girls, right?”

“Nah! He’s not,” Ricky cut in.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah, he wouldn’t do that,”

“Daniel, is it true that Scott’s texting other girls?” I asked.

“No,” he shook his head.

“Good,” I said.

“I know he’s texting other guys…”

“Oh, shut up,” I laughed.

At lunch, me and Manuela were throwing away our trash and we saw Daniel and Scott. Daniel flirted with Manuela while me and Scott awkwardly stood there again.

“He wants a hug,” Daniel said to me and pointed to Scott.

“Really?” I asked and looked at Scott.

“What? Oh yeah, sure. I don’t care,” he said. We hugged.

“Oooh,” Daniel said.

“Whatever. He doesn’t care so,” I said and stormed away. I… didn’t feel it. The “hug”. It was nothing.

On the bus on the way to the hotel, I stared out the window and thought about breaking up with Scott. Is this really what I wanted? A s****y relationship with this s****y guy. No. This is it.

When we got to the hotel, I texted Scott.

“Hey, you started this through text so I’m ending it through text. I really liked you but I don’t know, today I ‘wasn’t feeling it’. I already  know you didn’t like me and you were just desperate. Everyone tells me all this crap about you and I don’t know who to believe anymore. Don’t ever text me, talk to me, or even look at me anymore. I’m tired of you messing with my feelings. Bye.”

I slowly pressed send.

“…” he texted back. He was speechless.

The next day, Mitchell asked me out and oh my God… that was a mistake. The due would not stay off my a*s. I guess I was so used to Scott not talking to me that Mitchell was annoying me. Every time I turned around, he was right there. My crush on him faded quickly. I guess I just used him to make Scott jealous. I wouldn’t take him back, though. Never again. Plus, I was proud of myself for finally leaving his a*s anyway.

Next thing I knew, me and Hayden started flirting a lot. I don’t even know how we started. We came up with this inside joke, so every time we passed each other we would say, “I laugh at you!”

I eventually broke up with Mitchell. So I developed a little bit of a crush on Hayden? We couldn’t go out though because me and Autumn made a bet: I vowed not to date another guy for the rest of the year. If I did, then Autumn got to cut my hair. I was excited to be single. But… that didn’t last long.

On Saturday, our tour guy took us to the National Zoo. Our school group split into smaller groups and we explored the zoo.

Later, my group happened pass by Luis’s group.

“Hey, you know who likes you?” Luis asked me.

“Who?” I asked.

“Hayden,” he said. Awww! I suddenly forgot about Scott.

Mitchell told me Hayden was gonna ask me out. Skylar and Madison told me he bought me a stuffed animal from the zoo gift shop. Everyone told me all these sweet things about him.

When we got to the hotel, Hayden told Madison to tell me to wait for him when we got off the bus. I did. He met up with me and gave me the cheetah.

“For me?” I asked, pretending I have no idea. He nodded. “Awh!” I squealed and took it. I stood on my toes, reached up, and hugged him around the neck. He hugged me back.

“Ask her out, dude!” Luis said. Hayden laughed.

“Will you go out with me?” he asked.

“Awww, sure!” I said.

It was perfect. Hayden is the best out of everyone. We actually talk, we actually laugh, and we have our cute moments.

On the plane back home, me and Hayden sat together. We talked about everything. Eventually, I leaned on his shoulder while he showed me pictures and videos on his phone.

I closed my eyes and got comfortable, and so did Hayden. I felt him lay his head on mine and we both fell asleep together. I woke up once and saw Scott walked passed us. He looked at us and looked down. Oh well, I lost that bet.

 

8:45 P.M.

“Hey, listen, I don’t know if you’re mad at me or not but I’m sorry,” Scott texted me. Wtf.

“It’s fine, I guess,” I replied.

“Thanks,” he said.

Silence.

“And were you trash talking me at D.C.?” he asked.

“Yeah…” I said and started giggling evilly to myself.

“What did you say?”

“Um… I was making fun of how you low ride and you didn’t care if I was hanging out with Mitchell. And Madison and I were talking about how you can be jerky sometimes,”

“Okay, as long as you’re not mad I’ll be okay. I mean, I think you hate me,”

“I did… but I can be a big softie sometimes so I’m glad you said sorry,”

“Thanks,”

S**t! Why did he have to do that?

 

2-21-12

Today, everyone was talking to me about Hayden. The guys were being their perverted selves, but the girls told me all these cute things he said about me.

During our first period, students came in to drop off books. Hayden did, of course, but guess who else came along? Scott. F**k.

So many thoughts ran through my head. Why did he have to come? Did he volunteer on purpose? Did he want me to see him? Was he jealous of Hayden?  Maybe he just wanted to see Amanda.

Or did he… miss me?

I shook my head and looked down. Come on, forget about Scott. He was a loser. But I swear… I kept seeing his face again everywhere. We kept meeting eye contact, too. And whenever we did, we would both look down.

Like at recess, him, Hayden, and Ricky were playing around on the pole (sounds wrong). I looked at them and Scott looked at me. His smile got smaller, he looked down, and said something to Hayden.

Then, I realized… ever since me and Hayden started dating, Scott’s been hanging out with him a lot. Like, even more than Daniel, and Daniel’s like his frikin’ mama dog. So Scott’s up to something.

The thing is, people keep saying he still likes Amanda. So then I think it’s just me being my paranoid self. I don’t know.

All I know if that I’m confused.

“Heyyy!” I said to Hayden at lunch, grabbing his shoulders.

“Hi,” he said and smiled.

“Alyssa, why did you say Scott wanted to go out with you? He didn’t, he was just saying sorry,” Daniel said.

My smile faded and I gave Daniel a look, “I never said anything about him wanting to go out with me.”

“That’s what Hayden said,” Daniel said. I looked at Hayden and he smirked and looked down.

“Hayden!” I said and touched his head. He blushed and I walked away smiling.

Oh Scott, I forgot I didn’t give a s**t anymore.

 

2-24-12

At lunch, I walked passed Hayden and pulled his hoodie over his head. I turned around and smiled at him and he smiled back.

At recess, he kicked a ball and it flew right over me and Madison. We screamed and ducked. Hayden laughed.

“Hayden! Good job!” I shouted. He smiled and I smiled back. He walked toward me.

“We were like ‘Ahhh!’ And you were like ‘Mwahaha!’” I said. We both started laughing.

“Hayden wants your b***s,” Daniel said.

“No, I don’t!” Hayden said.

“Ew, Daniel! You’re such an a*****e!” I said and threw a ball at him.

Me and Hayden awkwardly stood next to each other.

“I want a hug. Can I have a hug?” I said as I got closer to him.

He wrapped his arms around me and I melted.

 

2-27-12

At lunch, me and Manuela were talking. I looked out the window into the hallway. Josh was standing right there. I looked at him. He looked at me and Manny.

“Hey, look there’s Josh,” I pointed out.

“Alyssa!” he called out  and ran toward us.

“Josh?!” I called back. He hugged me tight. What the hell is going on…

“I’m so glad we hugged,” he said.

“Haha…” I pretended to laugh.

“You’ve changed. You got so pretty and everything. What was I thinking last year?” he said.

“Uhhh…”

He hugged me again.

I woke up. WTF. A dream about Josh?!

 

So today was a normal day. Avoided Scott. Talked to Hayden. Annoyed Brandon (Haha!). And got the latest on Madison’s love life.

In the hall, me and Autumn passed by Scott and Matthew. He smirked and whispered something to Matthew. I pretended not to notice, but when we fully passed them, I shook my head. Nice try, Scott. All you’re doing is making yourself look like a retard because it’s obvious what you’re doing.

Sigh. I mean yeah, we broke up and I think he’s a total douchebag. But honestly, I still get those stupid butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him. Yeah, I have Hayden, but there’s still that part of me missing. I shouldn’t miss him, though. I shouldn’t have ever forgiven him. This is so unfair! I was totally in love with him and this whole time he never cared. It breaks my heart whenever I go back to Christmas break when he asked out. It’s amazing how you can go from liking each other so much to hating each other so much.

 

2-28-12

“All the guys are such idiots. Except for Hayden,” Dionna said to me at recess. I giggled. “Like Daniel, Ricky, Scott-“

“Yeah!” Scott shouted and fist pumped. I gave him a dirty look. He looked at me and his smile went away. He looked down.

Whatever, I thought.

I talked to Madison. Scott came up behind her and knocked her ball out of her hands. I rolled my eyes.

“Look who you’re attracting, let’s go somewhere else,” I said and dragged Madison away.

So I was being a b***h. So what? The dude broke my heart three times. (Yes, I’ve counted.) Can I break his at least once?

I swear he kept getting closer to me, though. When I talked to Dionna again, Matt was on the ground behind us.

“Look, he’s a triangle! Woo!” Scott yelled and jumped over Matt.

Then, when coming back in from recess, Scott spazzed out and fell on the ground. I found everything he did annoying. I don’t know if it’s because we broke up and I kinda hate him or it’s just because he’s f*****g obnoxious.

Or it might be because it’s that “time of the month” so I’m having  mood swings. Because then I happily skipped over to Hayden and talked to him.

“Hey Hayden, what’s up?” I asked.

“Nothing much,” he said.

“You haven’t gotten run over by a roller coaster?” I giggled. The other day we had on interesting convo on roller coasters haha.

“No,” he said and smiled.

“See Hayden, at least you talk to your girlfriend,” Dionna said.

“Unlike Scott,” I said.

“Yeah, Scott’s”

“He’s a douchebag,” I blurted.

Hayden laughed. Awww. His smile.

“His teeth are weird,” Dionna said.

“His teeth?” I giggled.

We got closer to the school door.

“Bye!” I said.

“Bye!” Hayden said. I smiled to myself and floated to math class.

 

2-29-12

“Hey, Alyssa! Why did you call Scott a douchebag?” Daniel shouted to me at recess.

“I’m not even gonna go there!” I shouted back and smirked. Scott hid behind Daniel. Coward.

Me and Hayden talked and we wandered around the field. I heard Daniel say, “Why did you leave me?” so I said to him, “Because no one likes you!”

He looked at me, smirked, and said, “You did!”

“Dude!” I screamed.

He walked toward me and Hayden. Scott followed behind him.

“Remember when you called me hot?” Daniel said. He kept going on about the Fall Festival. My jaw dropped and I tried covering Hayden’s ears, but I couldn’t reach them (curse my shortness!).

“Oooh, Hayden. Alyssa also said she raped me,” Daniel said. I looked at Scott. He was hiding behind Daniel still.

“I was talking about your frikin’ horse, stupid!” I laughed.

Me and Hayden eventually left Scott and Daniel behind. We talked more. I love saying that. That’s how weird I am. I love saying that me and Hayden actually talk. I love saying that we laugh together. No more only meeting eye contact and only saying ‘Hi’ when we pass by each other.

So before he headed to his class, I asked Hayden for a hug. He opened his arms and I hugged him. But I ruined the moment because we were standing in front of a pole so my hand ran into it. I got embarrassed but Hayden said it was okay.

Oh yeah! I forgot! At lunch, I was getting a cookie and Brandon was getting soda. We both reached for our items and our hands brushed against each other. I froze and looked at him. He had the same reaction.

“Sorry…” I stuttered.

“Uh… ooh! I’m gonna pour my soda with one hand!” Brandon said, trying to change the subject. I laughed.

NO! I don’t like him!

Oh, f**k.

 

9:31 P.M.

“Why are you calling me a douchebag when I already said sorry?” Scott texted me. Alright, time to confess.

“You want me to be honest with me?” I asked.

“Yeah,”

“Okay… this might sound stupid but even though I broke up with you, I still get that weird feeling in my stomach whenever I see you. Like, I’m totally in love with Hayden, but there’s still that little part of me that misses you. So the only way I can help myself get over you is to I don’t know… hate you? I’m not saying I still like you… but yeah. It’s hard to explain,” I blurted.

“I understand but I don’t want you to hate. You’re nice and sweet. I just want to be friends, that’s all,” he replied.

No, you don’t understand. I can’t be friends with you because then I’ll miss you more and it’ll make me feel like I’m playing Hayden! And I’ll be the idiot again and you’ll be the douchebag who leaves me behind! I thought.

But I only said, “Okay, sorry,”

“It’s fine,” he replied.

That’s what you think.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems.