January

1-1-12 ~12:00 at night~
It's a new year. Let's not f**k this one up.

 

6:29 P.M.
Yeah. I already fucked it up.
So I was outside and Daniel was outside, too. We were doing our usual s**t: Playing basketball on each other's hoops, glancing at each other. A few minutes later... he walked over. I got excited.
"Hey," I said.
"Happy new year," Daniel said.
"Yeah... happy new year,"
"I see you got your new hoop,"
"Yup, it's huge,"
We talked and play basketball. Joshua was over and he was being a spazz. I laughed at how Daniel was beating him. Later, his brother and cousin came over. They horsed around with Josh's three-wheeler. His cousin is the funniest guy ever. I swear, if we went to the same school, we would be best friends. We'll call him "blue shirt" because I don't know his name.
Okay, let's just skip to the good part.
So later, Nevan and his cousin call me over.
"What?" I asked.
"So... do you like him?" Blue Shirt pointed at Daniel. He was standing behind us.
I tugged at my hair, "Why?" I asked.
"Would you go out with him?"
"Yeah... but I'm dating someone else,"
"You are?" Daniel asked.
I whispered to blue shirt. "Did he ever like me?"
"Mhm," Blue Shirt said.
"If I weren't dating someone else I would go out with Daniel. I've liked him forever," I said.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Daniel asked.
"Sure," I said. He grabbed my skateboard and started walking off. Nevan and Blue Shirt followed.
"Oooh, here it goes!" Blue Shirt said.
"Alone," Daniel said. They strolled off, but still snuck around us. Daniel lead me to a tree. He put my skateboard down and sat on it. I stood next to him. "No, sit down," he scooted over. I sat next to him. We were so close, our asses were touching.
"I have a crush on you," he said.
"Since when?!"
"I don't know. For a while,"
I held my knees to my chest. Ugh, I can't believe this is happening.
"Let me just say it. Will you go out with me?"
Those words. No... not those words.
"I can't. I don't wanna cheat on my guy. I told him I wouldn't. If I wasn't with him, I would,"
"Oh. It's alright I guess. I never thought you liked me back,"
"Dude! I gave you so many signs! You never noticed?"
"Oooh, imma tell mommy and daddy you gotta girlfriend," said Daniel's little sister (or whatever relation she was)
"What?! No!" I exclaimed.
"Go ahead. Tell her. I don't care," Daniel said. We stood up.
"So are you guys going out?" Nevan asked.
"No," I said.
"We're just... close friends," Daniel said and smiled.
"Yeah... close friends..." I smiled uneasily.
"Good, because that could be considered rape," Nevan said.
"What?!" I asked.
"You know you could go to jail for that. 'Cause he's like way older than you,"
"That's nice,"
Daniel walked away.
"You know he can't read, right?" Blue Shirt whispered.
"What?! Dude! Then, how can he text?!" I asked.
"He goes to a school for stupid kids, you know. I'm not lyin'," Nevan held up his hands, "I swear to God,"
"Ugh. Can we just... get over this? Me and Daniel are just friends, okay?"
"Okay, but... if your boyfriend broke up with you, and Daniel didn't like you anymore, then who's next on your list?" Blue Shirt asked.
"Um... no one I guess. I'll be single and live the life,"
"Uh... duh!" Blue Shirt pointed at himself.
"Oh. HAHAHAHA!" I started dying. "I would date Nevan first, then you. No offense,"
"Ugh! For real? Don't even talk to me," Blue Shirt waved his hand in front of my face.
"Don't listen to him, he just does that to attract girls," Nevan whispered.
"Come on! Give me a hug!" I chased after Blue Shirt and hugged him. He put his arms around me. Daniel walked up to us.
"Okay... you can let go of me now," I laughed. Blue Shirt puckered his lips.
"Ooooh," Daniel said.
"Dude!" I pushed him off. Everyone laughed.
Me and Daniel flirted still. He had this toy helicopter and he brought it over. He kept blowing it's wind in my face or he'd put it on my head and launch it.
Later, my dad pulled his workout equipment and the boys surrounded it like flies around food. Except for Nevan, so him and I talked. Hannah finally got there and I told her everything.
"It's a good thing they didn't go out 'cause-" Nevan started to say. I glared at him. "Never mind, I'll shut up," he grinned.
Daniel came down the driveway, saw us talking, and turned back.
"What was that?" I asked.
"I didn't want him down here anyway," Nevan said.
"I do, though. Is he mad at me?"
"I don't know. Want me to ask?"
"I'll ask Blue Shirt,"
"No no don't! I'll just ask Daniel,"
Nevan went up the driveway into my garage. He came back down, "He said kinda,"
"Oh..." I said. I suddenly felt empty inside. This whole thing is just making it awkward between us. I just shouldn't have said yes to Scott. We've never talked before! But me and Daniel... we have. Like when my mom yelled at me and he asked if I was alright, he made me feel comfortable. So when we kept avoiding each other after Neven asked, it made me feel bad.
I went into my garage to watch the guys lift weights and I dropped my water bottle. I went to pick it up, but Daniel beat me.
"Oh... thanks..." I said.
"Yeah,"
Awkward.
At the end, Daniel helped clean up. Before I had to walk Hannah home, he asked if we could talk.
"So this is it," he said.
"I'll be outside tomorrow..." I said.
"Alright,"
"I'll miss you so much!" Blue Shirt said dramatically. He hugged me and pretended to cry. I laughed.
Me and Daniel exchanged cell numbers. He hugged me goodbye and I held him tight. His arms were so long and I was so short, so it was like he was grabbing my a*s.
"I love you, Daniel. Not like that... but you know," I whispered.
"Yeah," he said. We waved goodbye.
Oh well, s**t happens.

 

1-2-12
You know that feeling that you get when you're mad for no reason?  That feeling to punch a wall. That feeling to mention every curse word in the book.  That feeling cry your heart out. But it's all for an unknown reason.
Well.
That's me.
Right now.
And that reason is a mystery.

 

8:40 P.M.
"Did you hear what happened yesterday?" I asked Joshua. He was over and he had brought his three-wheeler again. I was riding it back and forth on my road while he followed behind me on my skateboard.
"Nope," Joshua said.
"Daniel asked me out,"
"Aw s**t. Are you going?"
"No, I rejected him, because I already have a boyfriend." I continued riding. I couldn't hear Josh's voice over the scraping of it's wheels against the cement of the road.
"Well. You already broke up with him, didn't you?" I heard him say. I stopped the three-wheeler immediately and gripped the handles.
"What?" I asked.
"You said you already broke up with him,"
"No I didn't. We never started,"
"Uh yeah. You told me,"
"Whatever," I said and continued riding.
"Daniel's so gay. I beat the crap out of him once,"
"Nuh uh. You can't even beat him at basketball!"
"Yeah huh, dude. He's weak,"
"Dude! Just shut up! Can we stop talking about him? You don't even know what you're saying!" I rode away from Josh as fast as I could and squinted, angrily, as the wind blew through my eyes.
Fight back the tears. Stop sniffling. It's just the cold weather.

 

1-4-12 ~Back from Christmas Break~
Scott was absent today. I'm kinda glad I didn't see him though, because we've only been texting each other. It would've been awkward seeing him in person. I guess he told all the guys at basketball practice we were dating, because the all knew.
"He was complaining that he didn't like you and you were annoying," Emil said to me.
"He did...?" I asked.
"Yeah. But then later he said he liked you. I was like dude, I don't care!"
"Oh..."
Well thanks for the turn-off. Then, later at lunch...
"How's Scott?" Mitchell asked me.
"What?" I asked.
"Mitchell's jealous of you and Scott," Daniel cut in, "I got them together. I did a good job, you're so happy for me," he high-fived me.
"How many people know?" I asked him.
"He, like, texted everyone,"
"Oh gosh,"
Daniel kept talking, but I just watched his eyes. I forgot how beautiful his face was. Or how cute his smile was. Then, I realized he had stopped talking.
"Yeah..." I pretended I agreed to whatever he had said, "Your eyes are pretty,"
"Oh yeah, thanks. My beautiful eyes," he fluttered. I laughed and walked away.
Fine, so I still flirt with Daniel. It's fun, okay? Scott wasn't there anyway, so I needed some attention.

 

6:24 P.M.
"Ugh, I so didn't feel like getting up for school today," I texted Scott.
"I know, right? I was so tired," Scott said.
You weren't even at school, you idiot, I thought.
"Were you even there? Haha," I asked.
"No, I had Mexican food last night. It didn't really agree with
me this morning. Haha,"
I laughed to myself. I told him how Mitchell was jealous of me and him together.
F"Yeah, he's probably jealous because he can never get a girl as cute as you,"
AWWWW, I squealed in my mind. Forget what Emil said!
"I love you," I said.
"I love you, too,"

 

1-5-12
Scott was absent again today. I'm kinda glad, though, because we've never talked in person. Also after what happened yesterday.

After the whole "mitchell's jealous" conversation, he brought up a stupid subject.
"Do you think it'll be awkward tomorrow when we see each other?" He asked me (through text).
"Kinda... because we've never talked in person before,"
"I know, but so awkward that we might break up?"
"Maybe,"
"Oh..."
Pause.
Then Scott asked, "Should we break up now so it won't be awkward?"
"Nooo... we'll just see what happens tomorrow," I said.
"Okay,"
You're just making it awkward now by asking that! I thought.
"Do you want to?" I asked.
"No. Do you?" He said.
"No,"
"I love you!"
"I love you, too!" I said (even though things are little bit s****y between us now!). I thought for a minute. Maybe I should tell him about the whole Daniel asking me out thing. Oh, what the hell, I'll do it.
"Hey, can I tell you something?" I asked.
"Sure. Anything for you," Scott said.
"On new year's day, one of my guy friends asked me out, but I rejected him because I didn't wanna cheat on you,"
"Awww really?"
"Yeahhh,"
"Awww! You're so sweet!"
Yeah I am, you a*****e. And to think, you wanted to break up with me.

1-6-12
Scott finally showed up today. But he didn't even say a word to me. He came in during prayers in the morning, and my stomach, like, DROPPED. Like, I wanted to throw up and I felt dizzy and everything. I didn't even look at him, because I was afraid that he would see me blush. You don't wanna see me when I blush... it's really bad and ugly. But anyway, Emil looked straight toward me and smirked. I gave him the "I'm gonna kill you" look and he turned away.
I saw him in the hall. (S**t!)
I saw him while crossguarding (S**t!)
I saw him at lunch. (S**t!)
I saw him walking out of his class. (S**T!)
He didn't even say "hi" to me or anything. I mean, when he was around his whole class he didn't have to. I understand that. But when I saw him in the hall and there we only three people there, can you at least look at me and smile?!
But I don't want him to leave me. I really like him. I feel more comfortable talking to him through text though instead of in person. Which is kind of stupid. You know what I think though? That if he asked me out in person, we would've talked more.
Next week is the Pep Ralley and Scott is gonna play basketball in it. I want it to be like the movies. I wanna be that girlfriend that cheers for her boyfriend loudly. Then later when he wins, I jump on his back and he carries me away, happily.
But no, we're just two people. In love. Virtually.

6:39 P.M.
"Heyyy," Scott texted me.
"Hey. What's up?" I replied.
"Nothing much. How about you?"
"Heading to T.G.I.F.,"
"Lucky,"
Pause. I have to say it.
"I'm sorry about... you know... today," I said.
"What happened today? You didn't do anything,"
"I know, but I felt like I avoided you the whole time,"
"Nahhh, it's fine,"
"Okay,"
No, it's not fine, Scott, I thought, We should break up. Because I'm an ugly dork who can't meet a guy before she likes him.
But no, I didn't say that. I just thought it in my mind.
So he wouldn't know...

1-7-12
Daniel came over again. I saw him by his house but then he went inside. I thought he wasn't coming so I stopped worrying. Next thing I know, he's walking over with a football and basketball in each hand. Oh gawd.
We hung out. Josh was being a spazz again. He always tries to be better than Daniel, but he's not. Also, Nevan came over and I kept calling him adorable because he's so short. Why do all the cute kids have to be so short?
We played hide-n-seek. I was actually glad to be "it" because whenever I had to hide, Daniel would make me hide with him. And it was getting awkward. I felt like an idiot, too, because whenever he told me to get down or run, I would be like "What?" So... yeah. I'm stupid.
Sadly, it got dark and we all had to go. I made Nevan give me a hug because he was so cute. So he did, and he hugged me tight (AWWWW!).
"Bye, Daniel," I said.
"Bye," he said. He opened his arms for a hug.
We hugged.
He kissed my head.

1-9-12
"Hi, Scott," I said to him. He was walking passed my classroom and he caught my eye.
"Hey," he said. Finally! I said something! Like that makes a difference.
Then, at lunch I had to recycle my water bottle. Scott's table is right next to the bin, so I walked behind Manulea while we went passed.
"Hey, Alyssa, you're going the wrong way!" Daniel shouted.
"Dude!" I whined. Scott looked at me and I smiled uneasily. "Come talk to Scott!" Daniel said.
"Nooo," I shook my head, but Daniel pulled out his chair, blocking my way. "Daniel!" I shoved him.
"Ugh, here," Manuela said and walked up to Scott, "Scott, say hi,"
He turned around and looked at me, "Hi," he said. I smiled again. He turned back around and faced Daniel, "There!"
"That wasn't a big deal-" Manny started to say.
"Okayyy!" I whined again. We sat down at out table and I layed my face down.
At recess, Daniel spotted me again. And of course, he was with Scott. So, he tried pushing him toward me.
"Be a good girlfriend! Talk to him!"
"Ughhh!"
"Scott stand there,"
"No!" Me and Scott said at the same time.
"Alyssa, guess what, Scott asked you out on a date. On Thursday,"
"You're lying!" I shouted.
"He's making stuff up!" Scott said.
"Scott, turn around and talk!" Daniel demanded.
"Shut up, Daniel! Why do you have to make it so hard?!" I yelled.
He shut up and stood in between me and Scott. It was awkward, okay? I feel more comfortable talking to him through text than in person. He's almost like a virtual boyfriend. Oh gawd.
I never thought I would even like him. We've never talked. I guess he just caught my eye...

1-10-12
Jesus Christ... I gotta get my eyebrows waxed again. ANYWAY...
I was walking down the hall during snack time and Scott came out of the cafeteria. He saw me and we both looked down. Agh, we're both so shy.
Then, I was outside talking to Jordan. Sierra got up to walk inside and I didn't want to be the only girl, so I followed her. BAM! Scott is right there in my classroom. He was doing makeup work from the last two days he missed. We met eye contact once, then Aaron blocked my view (wtf). I talked to Amanda and Manuela, and whenever Scott had his back turned, I just stared at him (ugh, I'm such a creeper). I almost started debating on whether I should break up with him or not. But then I shook my head at the thought. I want to, but I don't want to. He isn't Mitchell. I'll actually miss Scott if we broke up.

2:38 P.M.
"Hey," Scott texted me.
"Heyyy," I said.
"How's it going?"
"Gooood. How about you?"
"Good, but I feel bad about not saying hi to you,"
"Oh it's fine. I understand, because it's awkward,"
"Yeah, and Daniel makes it hard,"
"Yeah, he can go screw himself,"
"Hell yeah!!!"
I laughed.
"Love you!" Scott said.
"Love you, too," I said.
He makes me go asdfghjkl.

1-11-12
Do you have a question?
Because I'm here to listen
I'll do anything you say
Because I love how you are
And how you studder when you talk
Because I know you're just as shy as me
And I'll do anything
Just to see your face
And watch your hand touch mine
Because I love you

1-12-12
"So who's a better boyfriend to you, me or Mitchell?" Scott texted me.
"Dude, there's no competition in that. You! Of course! You're like way sweet and cute and stuff. Mitchell was an annoying pervert,"
"Awww, thanks,"
"I love you,"
"Awww, I love you, too!"
Okay, my turn.
"Who's a better girlfriend, me or Amanda?" I asked.
There was silence. He took a while to respond.
"Would you be mad if I said I don't know yet?" He said.
YES.
"Nahhh," I said.
"Thanks. 'Cause, I mean, we just started dating for a month,"
"Yeah, I know,"
That's it. It must be done.
"Scott, should we break up...?"
"Do you want to?"
"I do but I don't. 'Cause I'll miss you, but it's awkward seeing each other in person,"
He took a while to respond. I looked at my right hand. After the science test, I was daydreaming about Scott. So I wrote his name on my palm and doodled a heart around it.
He texted back.
"Me too, but I should tell you something. I love you, I really do, but when I lost Amanda as a girlfriend, I got heatbroken. I mean this was way back then, 'cause I had loved her and ever since I lost her, I was trying to find someone like her to love me like she did. Back then she was the best and then I found you, and you help me out a bit but... I don't know,"
"Oh okay," I said.
I looked at my hand again, took my thumb, and rubbed the ink off.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked.

6:27 P.M.
"So what should we do?" Scott texted me again.
"I don't know, give it one more day?" I suggested.
"I don't know,"
I could tell he was still thinking about Amanda.
"Yeah dude... we should break up," I said it like it was nothing. But inside, my heart shattered.
"Can we still be friends?"
"Sure,"
"Thanks, can you do me a favor?"
"Sure,"
"I know me and you just brok up, but can you tell Amanda that she should give me one more chance? Don't tell her I told you, though,"
What. Wait, what. Wtf. No. WHAT THE F**K.

"I already told her everything you said, though, and she said she didn't like you anymore,"

"Darn," he said and typed a smiley face.

Forget you, I thought.

 

(Stuff got deleted here. Sorry.)

 

There was this place called the Prayer Garden. In the daytime, it looked peaceful. But at night? Damn, it was creepy, and that's where we were looking for Ian. I kept screaming at any sudden movement.
"Stop screaming!" Derek yelled.
"Sorry! I hate getting scared!" I said. I heard a bush move and I shone my light at it. I saw a jacket. Ian.
"There he is!" I screamed. He lifted his head up and started laughing. "Ian!!! Stop doing that!" I said.
He stood up and walked toward me. "Need a hug? I heard you say you got scared easily," he said and opened his arms.
"Yes," I said. We hugged.
The next day was our last day there. Everyone said their goodbyes. Me and Ian hugged one last time.
"Hey, so do you have a facebook?" He asked, bashfully (I could tell he was "bashful" because he was looking down)
"Nah, not allowed to get one until next year," I said.
"Well, if you ever do get one, remember Ian ___ so you can add me,"
"Okay,"
I saw my mom. While I was talking toward her, I saw Andrew.
"Bye, Andrew!" I said.
"Bye," he said. I kept walking, but then he said, "Wait!"
I turned around and he opened his arms. Awww. I ran up to him and hugged him tight.

1-17-12
"Alyssa, you jerk, you told Manuela I loved Lexi," Daniel said to me while walking out to recess. He was with Scott.
"I'm sorry!" I said.
"No, you jerk," Daniel said but he was smiling so I knew he wasn't serious.
"Daniel just don't... say anything," I said to him. I was afraid he would share some secrets to Scott.
"Don't listen to him. He's crazy," Scott said.
"Yeah..." I giggled. F**k, I can never talk to him right!
We walked side-by-side, talking to Daniel. It was the closest I've ever been to Scott. Then I heard, "Oof!" I turned around and saw Scott run into the fire extinguisher on the wall. I giggled to myself uncontrollably until he caught up. Then, we split up and followed our friends.
Agh! I shouldn't have laughed! I should've asked if he was okay! Dpofghltfyr
What's wrong with me?

1-18-12
"Hi, Scott," I said quietly as he was walking past. He looked around for the person that said it.
His eyes met mine and then he said, "Oh, hey," he smiled and ducked down, bashfully.
"Hey, butthole," Autumn said.
"Omg, Autumn!" I laughed. Inside, my stomach flipped and I giggled to myself. He makes me feel so high! Like gawd...

9:40 P.M.
"Can I tell you something that I've been dying to say all day?" Scott texted me.
"Sure," I said.
Silence. I waited for 20 minutes. I couldn't take the wait anymore so I said, "What? Now I'm, like, dying to know!"
"I... f*****g love you so much it's not even funny,"
"Awww!!! I love you, too! So f*****g much!" I replied. I laughed, dorkily, out loud.
That's great, now can you say it to my face?

1-19-12
You're the only thing on my mind
All the time
Everyday
Every night
In my dreams
In my heart
When you walk pass me
I blush
When we meet eye contact
I look away
When people say your name
I get butterflies
And I always wish
That I could see you
Once
And talk to you
Once
And hold your hand
Once

Scott was at math tutoring today. Lemme just say... I could NOT focus AT ALL. I should've said hi. But I didn't. I just ignored him like a dork. Ugh, what's wrong with me.
But... he could've said hi. After all, I'm always the one who says hi first.
Okay, so maybe I should break up with him. I want to. But I can't. I'll miss his texts. He's too cute. I just wish he would talk to me. And hug me. And tell me everything is okay and that he loves me no matter what. Because that's what a real boyfriend would do.
Ugh, just stop thinking about that. It depresses me when I do.

1-20-12
I was walking behind Scott and Dalton in the hall. Dalton put his arm around Scott's head and rubbed. He let go and Scott fixed his hair.
"Good job, Dalton, you messed up his hair," I said.
"Yeah," Scott said. Awh!!!!
"I can do that, because we're brothers," Dalton said.
"Really? I don't see the resemblance," I said. It's so obvious Scott is the cuter brother, though, I thought.
"We grew up together," Dalton said.
I giggled to myself.
Later, Mitchell walked into the math classroom, "Can we have the C.O.W. (Computer On Wheels)?"
My first thought was, Ew, Mitchell.
Scott and Matt walked in. He looked at me and smiled.
HELLO! I thought. I giggled to myself, dorkily, and put my head down. He knew I was in math class so he came to get the C.O.W. to see me! He was thinking about me! At least that's what I think. I think about him 24/7.
Scott walked passed Emil and Emil looked at me. Tim turned around and said, "Oooh, Scott,"
"Shut up," I said and giggled again. I kinda hoped Scott would notice me giggling about him, because then he'll know I still care.
Because I do.
I love him.
So f*****g much.

1-21-12 ~Glory's Party~
As I was getting ready for Glory's party, I was having all these day dreams about Scott and I. Him holding my hand. Us talking for real.
I was so busy thinking about him that when I was filling out Glory's card, I wrote Scott's name instead of hers! I had to scribble it out. Maybe she won't notice...

2:30 P.M.
"Scott's here!" Glory said as she ran through the front door.
My stomach dropped, "He is?"
"Mhm," Glory nodded.
I went outside and saw Luis chasing him around a car. He saw me and stopped.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi," I said.
Eeeee!!! I thought. He noticed me!
Luis snuck up behind me and grabbed my cell phone.
"Dude!" I screamed. He ran off and I had to chase him. Mitchell took it from Luis and started running down the street.
"Ugh, Mitchell! I hate running!" I stopped running and put my hands on my hips. He turned around and grinned. I flipped him off. Then I turned around and flipped off Luis. Mitchell gave my phone to Luis and I chased after him again. He ran up to Scott. Oh gawd.
He gave my phone to Scott, "Here. Check her text messages,"
What the hell, I thought. Scott gave it to me.
"Thanks..." I said. Scott nodded.
"Aw, dude. You had a chance," Luis said.
"Go screw yourself, Luis," I said. He gave me his "I'm pissed off now" look and I rolled my eyes.
I sat on the swing and acted cute and innocent for Scott. More eye contact. And then he went inside. D****t.
I gave him a little time. I didn't want to follow him around like a stalker. Amanda, Manuela, and I went inside to find him.
He was in the air hockey room playing against Matt.
"Woo, go Matt!" Manuela said. Her and Amanda cheered for Matt. I quietly cheered for Scott.
"Matt, you suck," I said. There, that's good enough.
"It's, like, two to twenty three," Scott said. Matt got a goal.
"Oh..." I said.
"Guys, move. We wanna play," Manny said.
"Fine. Just kick us out," Matt said, sarcastically.
They both walked out. D****t!
Mitchell came in and was being annoying. A few minutes later, we were fighting with each other.
"You suck at everything," Mitchell said.
"You suck at dick!" I shouted.
"Ohhh!" Someone said. I turned around. Scott.
"Oh!" I said and covered my mouth. Everyone started laughing.
Scott and Matt walked back out. Waaa!
We went outside. All the boys were playing basketball. All the girls talked and I didn't pay any attention. I kept watching Scott play basketball. He's so cute!
A car pulled up.
"Who's that?" Someone asked.
"Scott's dad. He's leaving early," someone else said.
He walked toward the car.
"Bye, Scott!" I called out.
He looked up, "Bye!"
His car drove away.
Well, there goes my entertainment.

6:00 P.M.
"You looked cute today," Scott said.
FINALLY! FINALLY HE TALKS ABOUT MY LOOKS!<3
And probably because I wasn't wearing that damn school uniform.

1-23-12
That's it. I can't take it anymore. This isn't the kind of relationship I want. Not talking in person and only texting. What the f**k! Like, seriously, it's like going on Omegle (a chatting site) and saying "I love you" to some f*****g pedophile!
This is it. It must be done.
"Hey," I texted Scott. I had to use text free online because my mom blocked texting on my phone (don't ask).
"Hey," Scott said.
"I need to tell you something..."
"Who's this?"
"Alyssa,"
"Okay, what?"
"We should break up... again,"
"Okay,"
WHAT THE F**K? OKAY?! THAT'S IT?! AN OKAY?! Maybe he didn't even care about me anymore.
"Bullshit, this is Leroy or Emil. I recognize the number," he said suddenly.
Wait what? I thought.
"Dudeee, no! I'm using the internet, I haven't gotten texting back on my phone yet," I said (LMFAO).
"Prove it,"
"I was at T.G.I.F. and I saw a dude with gold teeth and I told you and you were like 'It's T-Pain!'"
"Okay,"
"Oh my God, hahaha..."
"What?"
"Nothing, nevermind, haha,"
"Okay. What did Dalton say at lunch to you, then,"
"'F**k you'. Yeah, he was nice,"
"Nooo, what Daniel said to you,"
"He was going to tell me something, but I yelled at him, so he wasn't gonna tell me anymore,"
"Prove something else. What song did I show you that was country?"
"I Love You This Big by Scotty Mcreery, and I said it was cute because his name was Scotty,"
"Damn,"
"Yeah, haha,"
"Wait, I'm confused, restart from the first text. We're done?"
"Yeah... sorry,"
"Why?"

"Because... we don't talk that much in person and that isn't the kind of relationship I want..."
"Okay,"
It was stupid for me for liking him, though. I didn't even know the kid. But he never knew me... and he's the one who texted me first and asked me out...
Ah, who knows where life will take you-
"I could change it, though," Scott texted me.
Say what now, I thought.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah,"
"How? You seem so shy, even though it's cute, but still..."
"It's whatever you want. I promise I'll change,"
"Nooo, don't change yourself just for me... you're perfect just the way you are, Scott. I'm just stupid,"
He didn't reply.
"Scott? You okay?" I asked.
"It's whatever you want,"
"Forget what I said. This might sound stupid, but I still love you. I don't know what I was thinking, because even if I broke up with you, I still won't get over you," I blurted.
"I know, right. Me too. I wanna be with you so much. You don't know how much,"
"Awww! I love you no matter what,"
"I love you, too! No matter what!"
F**k.
Why won't my heart listen to me?

1-24-12
"Why'd you try breaking up with Scott?" Daniel asked me at lunch. Scott was right behind him and my stomach flipped.
"Uhhh..." I said.
"You jerk," Daniel said.
"Stop, I regret what I did. I feel bad now," I said. I turned to Scott, "I'm sorry!" I said.
"It's okay," he said and ducked his head. AWWW.
"There! I confronted him about it! Let's go now!" I pushed Manny along, accidentally hitting her b**b, but I kept going.
I asked Sierra for her animal crackers, but Autumn stole them. I tried taking them back but they just got passed around the table. Manny grabbed them and ran toward Scott's table. No! I chased after her.
She gave Scott my animal crackers and walked away. I walked up to him, took them, and said, "These are mine," and I scurried away. I felt myself blushing and I put my head down on the table.
Later, I saw Scott after math class.
"Hi, Scott," I said.
"Hey," he said. And smiled. He smiled. That little smile of his. That little, adorable smile he has. That little, adorable smile that makes me melt and giggle inside.
I take back all that s**t I said to him.

9:38 P.M.
"You're, like, the only thing that's on my mind all day," I texted Scott.
"Awww. I know, right! I'll be wandering off in thought in class and it's always about you!" Scott said.
I guess that proves girls aren't the only ones who think about their crushes.

1-25-12
Scott kicked a soccer ball at recess and it curved while rolling.
But still I yelled out, "Good job, Scott!"
"Thanks," he said.
"Oh, now you talk to him!" Daniel said.
"Shut up," I said.
Daniel kept talking but all I heard was blah blah blah. I just payed attention to Scott.
"Have you hugged yet?" Daniel asked.
"Dude!" I said.
"You've been dating for a month and you haven't hugged?"
"So? You haven't hugged Lexi yet," Scott interrupted.
"Yes I have. In my mind," Daniel said.
"You f**k Lexi in your mind," I said while twirling my bracelet on my wrist.
"Ohhh!" Scott burned. We laughed.
"Scott f***s you in his mind. He gets boners," Daniel said.
"Dude!" I whined.
"Hug!" Daniel said while pushing Scott toward me. He kept fighting it. Please say yes, I thought. That's the only thing I want. Please.
"You're weak," Scott said as Daniel tried dragging Scott over.
"I'll give him a hug," I said finally.
"She said she'll give you a hug. Now hug," Daniel demanded.
"Alright," Scott turned around and looked at me. I opened my arms and he hugged me.
1. 2. 3.
We let go.
"Yay!" I squealed out loud.
Scott smiled and ducked again. So damn cute.
"Alyssa!" Daniel shouted. I turned around, "Catch this football and turn Scott on.
I gasped, "Dude, no!" He threw it at me and I caught it, "Hey, I actually caught it," I said.
"Oh, now Scott's turned on,"
"Dude!" I laughed.
Sierra slapped the ball out of my hand and dragged me away. Nooo!

1-26-12
It was Nerd Day today at school. At recess, I got tired of wearing my suspenders and started taking them off.
"Don't take off your clothes, Alyssa," Daniel said.
"What?" I asked.
"Don't take off your clothes in front of Scott," he said.
I turned around and Scott smiled at me. I smiled back and walked next to him. He looked down the whole time. Daniel started making fun of my nerd clothes.
"What? I'm having fun!" I said.
"Having fun? With Scott?"
"Dude!" I shoved him.
Scott wandered off toward Matt.
No... don't walk away... I thought. Daniel kept flirting with me but I tried not to pay too much attention to him. I didn't want Scott to think I liked him again.
I wandered off and saw Scott behind me.
"Bye, Scott," I said.
"Bye," he said and smiled. ASDFGHJKL.
"Oh, bye, Scott!" Manny called out.
"Derp, ruined the moment," I laughed.

1-27-11
Today was the dance. And omg, Scott was adorable. He asked me to dance 4 times.
I was talking to Mitchell and he came up and asked, "Alyssa, wanna slow dance?"
"Sure," I said and smiled. I felt my face get hot. I was blushing. There we were. So close. Cheeks almost touching. If only I could-
"Yeah, that's as close as you'll get," Mitchell said to us.
"Don't be jealous," Scott said. I giggled. Some people came up and made fun of us, but we ignored it.
He asked me again and again. And each time we danced, I never wanted it to end.
"I can't believe you're dating Scott," Jessica said to me.
"Why?" I asked.
"He's ugly and all hunched over,"
"No he's not. He's cute,"
"He's butt-ugly,"
"No!"
"Nobody likes him. Well, except for you of course,"
"Whatever," I walked away.
The dance ended quickly. The last slow song came on and me and Scott slow danced again. Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie.
"Now it's time for you to go home. It's getting late, dark outside," the song said. I looked down as I heard the words, thinking about if Scott ever left me.
At the end of the song, I jumped up and hugged Scott. He seemed surprised and hugged me around the waist softly. I let go and looked down, blushing again. We smiled at each other and walked away.
"Awww! That was cute!" Autumn said. I giggled uncontrollably. I just love him, okay?

12:20 P.M.
"Hey, listen, I had a great time dancing with you. You were a great girlfriend. You gave good hugs, but I don't want drama if we ever get into a fight. I'm terribly sorry if I break your heart, but do you think we could just become friends again? Don't tell anyone because I don't want drama please," Scott texted me. What the f**k.
"Drama? What drama? And what makes you think we'll get into a fight?" I replied.
"I know. I know. Sorry, but I just don't want it to happen,"
"Alright..."
"I'm sorry, it's just that Amanda said she wasn't gonna break my heart, but she did. I guess I saw it coming,"
What the f**k does this have to do with Amanda? I thought.
"Oh," I said.
"I'm sorry,"
"Scott, I got to go. Bye,"
"Bye,"
Bye. Forever.

 

1-30-12
I can't take it anymore. He hasn't texted me, talked to me, looked at me...
I mean, we met awkward eye contact during lunch... twice, but that's nothing. He probably doesn't even care. He's the only thing on my mind still and he probably hasn't thought of me once.
Like, when I walked passed his table:
"You don't even look at him?" Daniel joked. I hid behind my bangs ridiculously and walked on. It's not like he gives a s**t.
Ugh! Just stop thinking about him! There are other guys in the world and I'll have many more boyfriends in the future. There's no way we'll ever get back together. Stop thinking about him!
But I can't.

1-31-12
"We're going bowling. It's gonna be a double date with me, Tim, Lexi, and Daniel," Autumn said.
"Luck you," I said.
"What? Don't you have Scott?" Lexi asked.
"No. He broke up with me," I said.
"What?! When?" Lexi said.
"Like, five minutes after the dance. Isn't that stupid?"
"He asked me and Breanna out after you broke up. He kept saying 'Oh, I like you' and then he asked us out. We both said no," Shannon said.
"What?! Oh my God! What a cocksucker! Now I'm pissed!" I stomped away, "Ugh, now I wanna cry,"
"Why? Because of Scott?" Matt asked.
"Yeah,"
"Oh yeah. At the dance, he told me and Shawn he was gonna break up with you. He was like 'Ugh, I can't take it anymore. I'm breaking up with her later'," Matt explained.
"What the f**k?!" I said.
Later, at lunch, I was walking passed Daniel's table and he called me over.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Scott said he wants to get back together with you,"
"Psh, whatever!" I waved my hand in the air.
"No, seriously-"
"I don't give a s**t anymore," I kept walking. Scott was right next to Daniel. Why didn't he say anything himself?
I walked back to my table and laid my head down.
"Don't put your head down! Scott's looking at you. You're gonna look like a loser!" Manuela and Autumn warned me.
"Sorry," I threw my head up and told them what Daniel said.
"I told Scott he was a douchebag and you could do better, Alyssa," Manuela said.
At recess, me and Scott just glanced at each other. I looked down and rubbed my neck, trying to get over him.
In math class, Autumn wrote a note on her notebook to me. She held it up silently. I read it.
"Scott told me to ask you to forgive him and he never asked out those two girls."
I gasped. Autumn shook her head to tell me not to forgive him. I looked down.

4:27 P.M.
My parents found out about my 60% on my math test. Me and my dad went upstairs to "talk about my punishment".
"Okay, so we're taking your computer and cell phone away for a month," my dad said.
"What?! No!" I shouted and tears filled my eyes.
"We have to! Alyssa, it's only for one month. We took away your texting and you got better grades, didn't you?"
"No," I said and started crying.
"Well..."
"No no no! Please, daddy! Please! My computer is the only way I can get away from you guys!" I shouted.
My dad sat down next to me in silence.
"No! No! No! No!" I said.
"If you were in an after school sport then you wouldn't be worrying so much,"
"But I can't do anything!" I cried. (I can't explain the reason. Too personal.) "I wanna be in B-group, dad!"
"Why?"
"Because I'd rather do good there then FAIL in A-group!"
"I know but..." he kept talking but I ignored him. Haven't I been punished enough already? Scott broke up with me. The guys in my class are a******s to me. I suck at math.
"Daddy, I need to tell you something," I whispered.
"What?"
"I tried cutting myself once bcause I was so upset,"
"Alyssa... when? Why?"
"It's stupid,"
"Tell me,"
"It was when Mom took my texting away,"
"Ugh, Alyssa, you can be damned to Hell for doing that. It's death,"
Silence. My dad sighed.
"I was nervous to talk to you, too," he said.
"Okay?" I said.
"I hate to see you cry," he whispered. I looked at him. His eyes were red and he was rubbing them.
"Oh, don't you cry, too, Daddy!" I cried and hugged him. He hugged me back and shook while he cried.
That was the first time I ever saw my father cry. And it was over me...

7:07 P.M.
"Hey," I texted Scott.
"Hey," he replied.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah. Brb play practice, but I have to ask you something, too,"
"Okay,"
"He doesn't have something to do. He lied,"
Lol wtf, I thought.
"That was Willie. If he says anything, just ignore it," Scott texted me.
"Okay... haha," I said and laughed to myself, "It's about Autumn. You never asked out Breanna and Shannon?"
"Shannon I never asked out and I just told Breanna she was pretty. That was it. The only girl I like is... nevermind,"
"Oh, so you like someone else...?"
"F**k no. Only you,"
"Awww, I forgive you. I'm sorry what I said earlier. I was hiding my feelings because I didn't think you liked me anymore,"
"It's fine. Do you still like me?"
"Yeah. Sorry if I sound desperate, but I'll never get over you..."
"Awww, it's okay. I was stupid for breaking up with you,"
YES! HE ADMITTED IT! MWAHAHAHA!
Ahem, back to our moment.
"It's okay," I said and sent a heart.
"Yeah," he sent one back. "I love you!"
"I love you, too!"
Okay. I know what you're thinking. WTF. WHY'D YOU GET BACK WITH THAT COCKSUCKER?!
My heart still won't listen to me, okay?

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems?

Reviews

[Kayla]

Don't get back with scott. He is being really ramatic for attention. Daniel is so much better for you. Even if he is dumb. :/