November

Yeah. I think this month was the most exciting month of my life.

11-1-11

Ahhh... what a beautiful first day of the month.

Agh. I can't hold it in any longer!

DEGVHT43RED

Mitchell found out I liked him!

"Alyssa, come here," Iyana called me over.

I walked toward her. "What?" I asked.

"Are you and Mitchell going out?!" She asked.

"What?! No!" I said.

"Oh okay. Do you... like him?" Iyana asked.

"Um..."

"You can tell me!"

"Well..."

"Do you?"

"Yeah..."

I walked away quickly. "Oh, Mitchell! What are you doing here?" I clung to him.

"What'd she ask you?" Mitchell asked.

"Um... she asked if I liked you..." I said. I felt my face get hot.

"What'd you say?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes,"

"I said... yes."

Mitchell's eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yeah..." I said, nervously.

"Oh my..." he whispered.

I ran to Autumn. "I TOLD HIM!" I said. My insides were screaming.

"You told him what?" She asked.

"That I like him!" I said and covered my mouth.

"You're stupid," she said. I giggled. Then, I walked back to Mitchell.

"So... are you going to the fall festival?" I asked him.

Me liking him didn't seem to affect him. (UNLIKE THE F*****G JOSH THING.) Except for: "Yeah. I'll pay for your ticket. I have 20 bucks,"

"Nah. I'm fine," I said and smiled.

"If it makes you any happy, I'll take you on the ferris wheel," he said and smiled.

My eyes widened. "Really?!"

"Sure," he said.

Holy S**T. I'm so happy! He even carried my backpack in and out of tutoring.

Before that, he tackled me twice at recess. The first time, I knocked him over and kneeled next to him, laughing. The second time, he got me down and I just laid on the ground covering my eyes. Then I stood up and laughed again.

Damn, life is good.

11-2-11

I think Mitchell's mad at me. Scratch that. Mitchell IS mad at me.

I think his girlfriend found out everything that happened. Mitchell didn't talk to me at all today. When I called out to him, he would ignore me. And when I finally got his attention... he said he hated me. My insides cried. And I fought back tears all throughout the end of the day.

He seemed happy with his girlfriend, though. At least... his girlfriend was. He kind of dragged along with her and her friends.

My mom's making me go to school night at this restaurant. I don't wanna go though. First of all, I don't like the food. But mostly, I'm afraid I'll see Mitchell. Just seeing him might make me cry. This is definitely worse than the Josh thing, because I've actually been in touch with Mitchell.

Does this mean the ferris wheel's off? I might not go anyway. My mom said that if I didn't get a good grade, she won't let me go. I think I got a bad grade. I couldn't focus, while blinking back tears.

And just yesterday, I thought I was the luckiest girl alive. I deserve to be dead.

11-3-11

I avoided Mitchell all day. There was always this giant pit in my stomach, too. No matter what people say about him, I'll still like him. He's the only boy that's nice to me.

When I went to throw my food away at lunch, I saw Mitchell getting a napkin. Our eyes met, but I looked away quickly, and walked back to my seat. I wonder if he even realized how hurt I looked.

When I was walking out to recess, he was walking in front of me. He saw me and stopped to wait for me to catch up. I shook my head at him, but I still caught up.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked.

"What?" He said.

"Yesterday you said you hated me..."

"I don't know what you're talking about,"

"Did Shelby say something to you?" I wanted to hold his had or link arms again. How sick am I?

"What do you mean?"

"Did she find out what happened?"

"What happened?"

Now I was getting frustrated. He was trying to avoid the truth. I went to say something but... "Mitchell! Are you cheating on your girlfriend again?!" A girl shouted from behind us. Mitchell turned around and dashed off, leaving me to answer my own questions.

During class, I was thinking about telling Mitchell that we shouldn't be friends. It just made me more depressed.

At dismissal, Mitchell was walking behind me.

"Sissy!" He called out.

This is my chance, I had thought. But before I could start any drama, Mitchell put his arm around me and kissed the side of my head.

Gawd, why am I such a softie?

11-4-11

There's a rumor going around that Mitchell's gonna ask me out. He broke up with Shelby.... for me. But he never got around to asking me. So I flirted with Daniel during electives to keep myself from being depressed. All I was thinking about was seeing Mitchell though. I hugged him today in the hall. And then he tried dragging me with him after Math.

Take me with you, I was thinking. And that was the last time I saw him.

9:24 P.M.

Oh mother,

Oh sweet, dear mother.

I wish I could tell you everything

Everything about school.

About my life at school

About how Mitchell always gives me hugs

But then he ignores me

About how everyone found out that I like Mitchell

And that there's a rumor that he's gonna ask me out

And that I'm upset and I hate my life sometimes

And that I write everything about you in here.

And that I'm not just writing a story

It's my diary.

But if I told you...

I don't even know what to expect.

11-5-11

My class was on another field trip. We were eating lunch and a boy walked up to us. Everyone gasped and started talking to him.

"Um..." I said. The girls kept talking. "Who's that?" I asked, tapping Manuela. She kept talking to Manuela. "Who's that?!" I asked again. But then I finally recoginized him. It was Josh! "Oh my gosh! Josh?!" I said.

"Yup," he said and smiled. "You're so nervous."

"Ugh," I groaned and rolled my eyes.

"Come on, give me a hug," he said.

"Fine," I stood up and hugged him. For a long time. "I can't believe this. Waaa, I hate you," I joked. Josh laughed and I laughed.

Then I woke up. It was only just a dream.

11-6-11

HOLY S**T. Tomorrow's Monday! Defgfcdxedrf. A school day! Ahhhh!!!! That means... I'M GONNA F*****G SEE MITCHELL. I don't know whether I'm scared or excited. Oh gawd.

2:33 P.M.

I noticed that I have a thing for basketball players and skateboarders, lately. But Mitchell is neither of those...

11-7-11

He ignored me again today. He's flirting with other girls. He's denying everything. He's breaking my heart.

I found out today that Mitchell never broke up with Shelby. Supposedly, she wouldn't let him. So... yeah. I really liked him. And I thought he liked me back. I truly thought he was gonna ask me out. He avoided me.

That's it. It's over. I'm gonna tell him we shouldn't be friends. The ferris wheel's off. I'm better off flirting with Daniel. I'm done.

11-8-11

"Mitchell loves you," Jordan said to me. I slouched in my seat at lunch. Ugh. Now, this is turning out like the Josh thing. I walked passed Mitchell while going to recycle my water bottle. He tried to get my attention but I shook my head at him and walked on.

Later, in the hallway, I saw him coming out of spanish. "Did Jordan say I like you?" He asked me.

"I'm mad at you. Go away," I said and walked away fast. While I was walking away, a bunch of "what if" thoughts ran in my head. What if he gets mad at me? What if he won't talk to me anymore? What if he won't go on the ferris wheel with me now? I couldn't focus in religion.

Finally, while waiting for math tutoring, I saw Mitchell. He saw me and I motioned him to come over. He walked over.

"Why are you mad at me?" He asked.

"I'm not. I'm just... sad," I said. "I'm sorry, okay? Give me a hug."

"It's kind of crowded so..." he said. Then, his teacher called him over. But then, all the tutoring people had to stand in the corner and wait.

"So Mitchell, do you like Alyssa?" Manuela asked.

"Um..." he made a face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"I don't know. Whenever I see you you're always like 'Ahhh. Mitchelllll!," he said, like a girl.

"So you don't want me to like you?"

"No. I mean, I want you to like me but..."

"Whatever, Mitchell," I said and walked away. But I came back eventually.

In tutoring, Leroy, Manuela, Mitchell, and I sat at the same table. We talked. Mitchell borrowed my calculator and Leroy snickered.

"What?" I glared at him. He shook his head. I noticed Mitchell had a good pencil. A ticonderoga one. The one's with the really soft erasers and good led. Only I would notice that (haha). I took it from him.

"Ooh, I wanna use this pencil," I said.

"You would want to use my pencil," he said. Leroy snickered again.

I threw the pencil back at him, "Fine. Whatever." Mitchell' water bottle fell over and he tried to blame it on me. "No, you retard," I said.

"Fine. We're not going on the ferris wheel," he said.

"Fine! I didn't want to anyway!" I shouted. He looked at me. "I mean... I wanted to but.... I don't know... I don't want anyone calling you a cheater," I said. We stopped talking. Leroy and Manuela went to a different table, leaving me and Mitchell alone. Oh gawd.

Silence.

Finally I said: "You're being such an a*****e,"

"What?" He said.

"You used to be nice about me liking you, but now you're being an a*****e about it!"

"What do you mean?”

"Like... about the ferris wheel thing... and that pencil thing,"

"It's just.. ah... okay. You're like me,"

"Why?"

"You take jokes seriously. I do, too,"

"Yeah... I do,"

"Is that a blue bow? Or purple, or pink?"

"It's blue, you idiot," I giggled.

"See?" He smiled.

"If it wasn't for that, then I would've stopped liking you..." I whispered. Mitchell gasped.

"We should link arms again," he said.

"Yeah, but then..."

"Yeah, we shouldn't..."

Silence again, then we had to leave. Aw, it was getting interesting. He talked to Manuela the whole way out. I was a little jealous, but I don't wanna seem obsessed, so I let him.

Ohhh... what a love/hate romance.

6:18 P.M.

Emil told me that Daniel likes me. I can't decide between Mitchell or Daniel. Any other girl would think of that as a no-brainer, but to me... agh.

Oh and, I saw the Daniel from my neighborhood. We waved. But I didn't get a rush. My crush faded on him, I guess.

11-9-11

New goals for school:

Flirt with Daniel

Talk to Mitchell

Hug Mitchell

Roll my eyes at Shelby and Katie

Get in trouble with Mr. Pagoria

Laugh with Autumn and Manuela

Doodle during Science

Make fun of the guys in my class

Get the latest "gossip"

I was walking to class alone and I heard someone running behind me. They snatched my backpack and ran off.

"Mitchell!" I shouted.

"Mwahaha!" Mitchell laughed. I chased him all the way to my classroom. He finally gave my bag back.

"I don't wanna go to class," I whined.

"Too bad. You have to," Mitchell said and hugged me.

"The festival's tomorrow..." I said.

"Eh..." he said.

"Bye, Mitchell!" I said and went in.

I saw him during snack, though. "Hey, Mitchell," I said. "Waiting for your girlfriend?"

"Sadly... she didn't let me break up with her,"

"Oh," I saw Shelby. "Imma go. I don't want her to see you with me."

"But..."

"Bye!"

I walked passed Shelby and saw her whispering to her friend. When she saw me, she said "Shhh!" I rolled my eyes.

At dismissal, I waited with my class. I saw Mitchell, but he didn't see me. Then, I saw Daniel. He pointed at Mitchell and made a heart with his hands. I shook my head and Daniel smiled. He's so adorable. He pointed at Mitchell again and lifted his eyebrows. I flipped Daniel off. He gasped and covered his mouth. I laughed.

It got less crowded and I made my way toward Daniel. He shoved a gatorade bottle in my face and said, "It's Mitchell's. Make out with it,"

"Ew, no. You're an a*s," I joked.

"Another bad word!" Daniel gasped. I laughed. I was tying my shoe and my cell phone dropped. Daniel grabbed it.

"No!" I said. He opened it and went through my contacts.

"Hmm... ooh! Mitchell called you!" He said.

"No he didn't. He doesn't even have my number you idiot," I laughed.

"Um... oh. Hahaha! You're mom texted you!" He laughed. I laughed hard.

"Why are cell phones out?" A teacher asked. "Who's is that?"

"Mine," I said. I took it back.

"Put it away now," the teacher said sternly. I put it away and glared at Daniel. He smiled innocently.

"Good job," I said and swatted him. But I laughed again.

"Are you going to the festival?" I asked.

"Yeah. All four days,"

"Ugh! Everyone's going all for days! I'm only going once."

"Ha! You're a loser!"

"Oh, shut up,"

"What day are you going?" Emil cut in.

"Thursday," I said.

"Yes! I'm not gonna be there! I won't be with the transexual!" Emil said to me.

"Hey, don't be mean," Daniel said to Emil.

"Yay. See? Daniel's nice!" I said. Daniel smiled at me.

Aw... why does Daniel have to be so cute and nice?

11-10-11

I'm stuck.

The fall festival's tonight and I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Luis gave Daniel my number and I've been texting him. Daniel said he told Mitchell to make his move at the festival. At the same time, Luis is trying to convince Daniel to ask me out. It's either tall, popular, and hot; or... short and spazzy. Again, any other girl, this would be a no-brainer. To me, it's like a world challenge.

9:52 P.M.

I ruined everything.

Let me tell you from the beginning though:

Mitchell and I went on a lot of rides together. We held hands and he kept kissing my head. Same thing on the ferris wheel. He was so cute. We went on the ferris wheel three times. We cuddled and I leaned on him. People saw us together, and when we saw our friends, we ran. But the boys chased Mitchell down.

"Stop! Leave him alone!" I shouted. When I caught up, he was on the ground covering his face. "Go away, d*********s," I said and they left. Mitchell stood up. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"Gawd, I'm thirsty," I said.

"Come on, I'll buy you something," he said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah,"

He bought a coke and we shared it. Drinking from the same can. Friends saw us and winked. I rolled my eyes. Later, we met up with Daniel and his bud.

"Heyyy," Daniel said.

"Hey," I said.

"We should all go on the ferris wheel together!" Mitchell suggested.

"Yeah," Daniel said. We went and squeezed in. Me and Mitchell on one side. Daniel and his buddy on the other. Me. The only girl. Hanging with three guys.

"Four way," I said.

"You would," Daniel joked.

I held hands with Mitchell, but I still flirted with Daniel.

"Katie texted me," Daniel said.

"Ew! That b***h? You gave her your number?" I said.

"No. Someone else must've,"

"She was, like, following me and Mitchell around everywhere. She gossips about me. I know it. That b***h..." I said.

"Haha!" Daniel laughed. The ferris wheel circled to the top now. "Ew, she said she likes me," he said.

"Ew! Well, I used to like you. You're hot," I said. F**K! WHY'D I SAY THAT IN FRONT OF MITCHELL?

"What the hell?" Mitchell said and let go of my hand.

"Well... you're hotter!" I said.

"Oooh," Daniel smirked.

"Mitchell, you know I love you," I said.

"Okay," he said.

"It's okay. Luis already told me everything," Daniel said.

"What?!" I said. Daniel laughed. The ride stopped and we got off. I followed Daniel, but Mitchell went the other way. I felt bad. "Mitchell! Come on!"

"No, I'm going this way," he said, sternly.

Ergh, Mitchell... Daniel... Mitchell... Daniel... Daniel... Daniel!

No. Mitchell.

I caught up with Mitchell. "Mitchell! I'm sorry! Are you mad?"

"Why?"

"Because of the whole Daniel thing..."

"No."

We were walking behind bushes. So I stopped him and wrapped my arms around him.

"What are you doing..." he asked.

"I'm sorry. I love you," I kissed his cheek.

"What the hell was that,"

My heart fell apart. I ruined everything.

11-11-11

My wish

Is to have you

For you to hold me

In your arms

Forever

And ever

For us to share secrets

About our miserable lives

And for you to tell me

How beautiful I am

And that you want to run away

With me

And never look back

And I

Will never tell anyone

Who this poem is for

Because this is just between

Me and you

 

11-14-11

Fmlfmlfmlfmlfmlfmlfmlfml.

I just found out that Daniel likes Shannon, and she probably has a better chance with him than I do. Eh, whatever. Mitchell's my backup. Gawd, I sound like a w***e/b***h.

Mitchell tried to pull his 2:30 move on me. I was like "Uh? No!" It's when you meet at the bathroom at 2:30 and talk.

"Hey, what are you doing at 2:30?" He asked.

"Um... I don't know... WAIT! You used to do that with Shelby! I'm not doing that!" I said and walked into class. Seriously, what the hell.

I keep telling myself that I'm gonna meet new guys in the future, but I always get those stupid butterflies in my stomach. Hm, I wonder when the next dance is. I wanna try just having fun instead of worrying about who I'm gonna slow dance with.

Oh yeah, and I had a dream that I tried to commit suicide and my FRIEND helped me! But I just fainted or whatever and ended up at home in bed.

Hopefully, it's not one of those dreams that's trying to tell you something... oh gawd.

 

11-15-11

"Alyssa, we have to talk to you!" Katie and Shelby said to me. I looked behind me and gave them a weird face.

"Me?" I asked.

"Yes, you!"

I thought they hated me! At least, it seemed like it. After all the whispering and dirty looks.

"About what?" I asked.

"Don't go out with Mitchell!" Katie said.

"He's gonna do the same thing to do as he did to us," Shelby said.

"Yeah. He's a player," Katie said.

"He puts his arm around other girls," Shelby said.

"You're too pretty for him," Katie said.

"Aw, thank you," I said.

As I walked away, Shelby said: "Don't do it!"

Gawd, can my life get anymore pressuring?

At P.E., I was team captain and I picked the worst team ever... Andrew, Matt, and Dalton. And of course, Andrew was being a TOTAL DOUCHEBAG.

"Alyssa! You're not trying!" He shouted.

"This isn't my thing!" I said.

"You're just standing there!"

He got knocked over by Jordan and fell. Karma's a b***h isn't it? I said to myself.

Later, he came back and nagged again.

"Gawd, you pick crappy teams!" He said.

"Well!" I said.

"I quit,"

Kay! F**k you! Have a nice life! I thought and stuck up my middle finger when he wasn't looking.

Mitchell threw up and had to leave early, so I didn't get to see him at math tutoring. Well, I get to focus now. I finished my homework early, though. Basketball practice was going on outside so I watched. Daniel was out there. He's so tall and sporty. Good thing he didn't see me creeping. Don't want him to think I'm obsessed... which I kinda am... BUT ANYWAY...

Nicole tried talking to me, but I just nodded my head and did my fake laugh at everything. Never bother me when I'm daydreaming...

 

7:35 P.M.

Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you. Today, I told Emil that I used to like.

"Are you serious?!"

"Yeah. But then I moved on because I thought you were ugly,"

"Pfft,"

"I went from you... to Andrew... then Jacob,"

"Jacob,"

"Uh... yeah..."

He stared at me. I stared back. His eyes are so blue. "What?" I interrupted.

"Nothing," Emil said, shook his head, and looked away.

Kay! New crush list:

1. Daniel (from school)

2. Mitchell

3. Emil

Notice how there's only 3 now. Argh.

 

11-16-11

And... me and Emil had a mini fight today. Long story. At P.E., we kept giving each other dirty looks. Everytime we met eye contact, I just shook my head at him.

Mitchell was absent. Daniel doesn't flirt with me anymore. I miss it so much. Maybe I tried to hard.

Anyway, Andrew was on my team again at P.E. He was being a d********g again. He complains about everything! He'll flirt with every girl, but when it comes to me, he gives me that frikin look! That snobby girl look!

Whatever. Long story short. I'm just gonna stop trying. There's no point anymore...

 

11-17-11

Emil and I got over the fight. We flirted again today. He tried to see how long I could go without laughing. Because apparently, I laugh at everything. I couldn't last 12 seconds without laughing. Ugh. Maybe it's just Emil's cute face that makes me laugh.

Anyway, Mitchell came back today. I think he was kinda disappointed that I didn't ask what happened or why he was out, because he wouldn't let me hug him. But he still smiled whenever he saw me.

Tomorrow, since we don't have electives, we're gonna have some kind of "fun day" at school. There's gonna be movies (sexy sexy), snacks (yay), Just Dance (a wii game), ping pong (HAHAHA), and scrapbooking (for the quiet people). I'm excited because we get to do it with the other classes. So I'll get to see Daniel! The thing is... I kept seeing him flirt with Shannon. Now that was depressing.

Hopefully the teachers will let us untuck our uniform shirts, so I can fold up my long a*s uniform skirt to make it shorter. Last time I did, Mrs. Horn caught me and told me to bring it down. Now I know not to do it around her!

Anyway, so I'm excited for tomorrow. Wish me luck!

 

9:05 P.M.

"Alyssa, you're not a good singer," my sister said.

"I'm better at it than you,"

"I don't think so,"

"Everyone thinks so, Sabrina! The only thing I'm better at than you is singing! You're good at everything!"

"No you're not,"

"Then what am I good at?! What can I do better than you?!"

"I don't know. Nothing?"

Exactly.

Nothing...

 

11-18-11

"Did you say yes yet?" Mitchell asked me.

"To what?" I asked.

"You asked her out?!" Manuela asked.

"No..." I whispered.

"Um, girls, didn't I ask you to collect food cans?" Mrs. Kwoka cut in.

"Yeah... but we went to buy snack real quick," I said.

"Hahaha! No. Put the your snacks away, and go do what I asked you to do," Mrs. Kwoka demanded.

Manny (Manueal) and I dropped off our snacks in the classroom and caught up with the other student council people. We took the cart full of cans and walked off. We got by the cafeteria and stopped.

"There's too much to carry," I said.

"Here, I'll carry some," Jordan said.

Brandon and Emil saw us.

"Give me a ride!" Brandon said, making room on the cart.

"No, help us!" I said.

"Okay, I guess," Brandon said. They grabbed some bags an cans and we walked to room 103. Dalton joined us. He had peered around a corner and raised his arms. Me and Manny just about died of laughter. Brandon and Emil got in before us and when the rest of us walked in, they weren't there. The bags they had were on the ground next to the room door.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Who?" Jordan asked.

"Brandon and Emil," I said. "They're probably gonna jump out and scare us."

Brandon walked out of the boy's bathroom and I screamed. "What the hell, Alyssa?"

"You scared me!"

"I didn't even do anything,"

"Jordan, open the door," Manuela said. He put the key in the lock and tried opening it. Emil leaned against the wall and I made fun of him. Manny imitated him and I laughed.

"Hurry up, Jordan!" Brandon said.

"I can't get it open!" Jordan spazzed.

"Move. You don't know how to open a door," Brandon shoved him and took over.

"Yesterday, they couldn't close it. Maybe it's hard to unlock," I said.

"Maybe it's the wrong key," Emil said.

"We probably missed a whole chapter in reading class by now," Manny said.

"Oh gawd. What if we get in trouble?!" I asked.

"Well, this is what happens when Mrs. Kwoka yells at us," Manny said.

"Dalton, go tell Mrs. Horn we can't open the door," I said.

"Okay!" He ran out. Then came back and shouted, "CA! CA!" Like a bird and ran out again. Manuela and I were literally on the floor, laughing.

"I can't get it open either," Brandon said.

"Here, lemme try," Emil suggested.

"What the hell!" I said and put my hands on my hips.

"We should pick the lock," Brandon said.

"Okay!" Jordan said. He bent down, dug through his SOCK, and pulled out two paper clips, bent straight. Me and Manuela exchanged looks and exploded again. Jordan tried picking the lock.

"We shouldn't do it," Manny said.

"Where the hell is Dalton?!" I asked.

"Just leave everything here. Let's go," Manny said. We left everything there and went up to the door for the cafeteria. I tried opening it. Locked.

"Where are the keys?" Brandon asked.

"Dalton took them with him!" Manny said.

"Fuckkkkk," I groaned. We were locked out of the whole school! Room 103, that we were in, was a seperate building. "Well, this is fun."

"Guys!" We heard Dalton shout. "She said just to leave everything there!"

"Oh, thank gawd," I said.

Dalton opened the cafeteria door, and we filed in. I flirted with Emil in the hall. He flirted back a bit, but I still think he likes Manny.

Everyone finished their homework early in math class, so we fooled around. Today was going good. Spanish was the only thing that was gonna suck. It did.

At lunch, when I went to recycle something, Daniel scooted out his chair when I walked passed him.

"Wham!" He said.

"Ah!" I shouted.

"Heh heh heh," he laughed. I smiled and walked on.

Then... recess. I avoided Mitchell so I could talk to Daniel more. But instead, I talked to Breanna and Sierra. Mitchell was flirting with other girls anyway. Maybe he moved on. But then he chased Lexi all the way next to me.

"Go away! You're annoying!" She shoved him off of her. "Are you still dating him? Or no?"

"No! He hasn't even asked me out yet," I said.

"What the hell? Yes I did!" He said.

"No, you're just asking if I said yes yet. To what?! Like I'm supposed to know what that means!" I shouted.

"Whatever," Mitchell said. He walked away. Lexi made a face.

"Ugh. I gotta deal with this," I said and chased after him.

"I asked you out," Mitchell said.

"When?"

"Uh..."

"Exactly,"

"Are you gonna say yes?"

"I'll think about it,"

"Ugh, that means no!"

"Well, Katie and Shelby are telling me to say no!"

"Why? They like Shawn anyway,"

"Fine. Yes! Sure. There,"

"Really?"

"I guess. Just don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Okay,"

I wasn't stoked like I used to be when I wanted him to ask me out. I felt like he was just holding me down. And now I realize.... I have a boyfriend. But... I can't tell my mother. She'll kill me.

Anyway, for "fun day" we had choices: boardgames, Just Dance 2, or go outside. I chose outside.

"Come dance!" Mitchell said.

"Noooo. Go outside!" I said.

"No! You just wanna stay out there to see Daniel,"

"Why do you think I like Daniel so much?"

"Dude, because you're always flirting with him!"

"You flirt with other girls all the time!"

"No?"

"Yes you do! You were just flirting with Lexi! In front of me!"

"Please?!"

"No."

I went outside.

And yes. Because I wanted to see Daniel. And yes. I flirted with him. And yes. He flirted back.

We said he was gonna throw a ball in my face. I said I was gonna knock him down. We laughed. Daniel always makes me smile. I don't really care what Mitchell says... we all move on.

Don't we?

 

11-20-11

"Luisss," I was webcamming with him on oovoo.

"I got high," Luis said.

"You're kidding," I said.

"Yup," he said.

"Oh yeah, baby, have an orgasm for me," a voice said in the background. Luis cracked up.

"Umm..." I said.

"That wasn't me. It was my friend," Luis giggled.

"Kay then..." I said.

"Hi, sexy," his friend said.

"I can't see anything, Luis. You're camera is black," I said. His friend started making sex noises. "Pervs! I don't even wanna know what you're doing!"

"You need my number," the friend said his cell number aloud.

"Get a pen and paper!" Luis shouted. I laughed and looked in my drawer for some. "Dude, she's getting it,"

"Ready?" The friend said.

"Yup," I said. I wrote down his number as he said it. Then, I texted him. I found out his name was Dallas. He said he loved me. I said I loved him back. We were just kidding, though.... I hope.

He finally showed his face on the webcam. He wasn't that cute. His voice was hot though.

I feel like a major w***e now. Mitchell, Daniel, and now Dallas.

Wow, what have I gotten myself into?

 

11-20-11

Liars are one of my biggest pet peeves. And... Dallas is a liar. He asked Manny out. She told me. When I asked him about it, he kept denying it. Nah, I don't take that s**t. Forget him. Manny even had proof! She showed me her text messages. Kay, I see how it is. If he's gonna be a manwhore, I'm gonna be a s**t bag.

What the hell am I saying. I don't even know the dude.

Today's Youth Group. That means a bunch of guys again! I hope Andrew's there. He's the only true cute guy there.

 

11-21-11

Mitchell's telling everyone we're going out! I didn't want anyone to know! Like geez, you're that desperate to tell? Yes... yes... I'm ashamed about dating him. The thing is, he's weird and I don't even like him anymore.

"We should go to the movies," Mitchell said.

"I don't know. My mom doesn't really like me going to places with guys..." I said (trying to come up with excuses).

"You can bring friends and just say you're going out with friends," he said.

"Well... my grandparents are coming over for Thanksgiving, so I can't this week," I said.

Sierra was walking by us and heard. She said, "Or the week after that, or the week after THAT. Or even when she dies, because she will never go out with you!"

I looked at Mitchell with an uneven smile. His jaw dropped and he just stood there. I walked away with Sierra. Then I whispered, "Thanks, you saved me," we high-fived.

Later, in recycling club, I made friends with Mitchell's ex-girlfriend, Katie. Hell yeah, I did. She was cool for someone one year younger than me. She talked crap about Mitchell. Apparently, if you break up with him, he'll call you a w***e and stuff. She told me that he did that to her and Shelby. I'm gonna break up with him. Like, I don't like him, honestly! He took too long to build up some frikin courage, so while I was waiting, I developed a bigger crush on Daniel. So what's the point? What's worth getting Shelby's sloppy-seconds? He gives me a bad reputation anyway. That's a long story.

But... that's my story...

And I'm sticking to it!

 

11-22-11

Today was "fun day" again. I was avoiding Mitchell again, as usual. But he found me.

"Hi," he said.

"Heyyy..." I said, "Look! There's Daniel. Let's go talk to him,"

We walked over to him and talked. Mitchell walked away and I was left alone with Daniel. Everyone was called to sit around the court. Daniel sat down. I was about to sit next to him, but Nicole plopped down her a*s next to him. Daniel looked up at me, then at Nicole, and said, "Nicole, move. Here, I'll scoot over, Alyssa," he scoot over. I sat next to him. Daniel scooted closer to me and put his arm around me. I froze.

"Uh..." I said.

"What?" Daniel asked.

"Um, is Mitchell watching?" I studdered.

"Nah, we're fine," Daniel smiled. I almost melted under his arm.

"I... I thought you liked Shannon?" I asked.

"Who said I didn't like you?" Daniel said. I giggled, dorkily.

We got to go back to our places. D****t, I was having fun. I almost walked away, but Daniel said, "Ditching me?"

"No, haha," I turned around and smiled. I saw Mitchell. "Help, hide me from Mitchell!" I ran behind Daniel.

"Okay, I got you," he said. He put his arm around me again. Stop doing that! I thought.

"What if Mitchell sees?" I asked.

"Fine. How's this?" Daniel said and pulled me closer to him. I stopped panicking. Daniel rubbed my arm. I looked over at Mitchell. He saw us and was walking over. I panicked again. Next thing you know, he was right in front of us.

I woke up. Phew. Just a dream... about Daniel AND Mitchell?!

Mitchell was absent. Ugh. And everyone knows about us dating. I'm so stressed. I wish I never met him. Like... I never knew I would like him of all people.

"Luis, can I ask you something?" I asked.

"What?" Luis said.

"Who does Daniel like?"

"Shannon,"

"Oh..."

"Isn't it obvious?"

Of course. Ugh. I don't even know what to write anymore. Bye.

 

11-23-11

I walked outside and grabbed my skateboard. I looked over at Daniel's house and saw Devan and his father. No Daniel (not the one from school, the other one). Well, he's not #1 on my list anymore anyway. Even though I said he was forever... ANYWAY. Another boring outdoor day.

I rode my skateboard back and forth the driveway, trying to go faster everytime. Then, I looked up at Daniel's house again. He was there. My stomach flopped. I dropped my skateboard and ran into my garage. I stood there silently, but my heart was screaming, "DANIELLL! DANIELLLL!!!! AHHHH!!!

I walked back out into my driveway again and picked up my skateboard. I set it down again, and praticed. Me and Daniel kept meeting eye contact. Everytime we did, I walked back into my garage. That doesn't make it obvious at all! Finally I waved at him. He waved back. I was by myself so I looked like a loser. He was doing yardwork with his brother and his dad.

I texted Hannah and asked if she was home. She was on her way back from Wallmart. Hurry up! I thought.

When she finally got here, I grabbed my soccer ball and we kicked it around her and my yard. I told her about all my issues at school. About how Mitchell asked me out and about the other Daniel (from school).

"He's looking at you," Hannah said.

"Really?" I said and took a step backward, looking at him.

This went on. Eye contact. Glancing. Showing off. Hannah kicked the ball at me and I flinched. It flew passed me. "Hannah!!" I shouted. I heard someone laughed. It sounded like one of Daniel's brothers. I looked up and saw Daniel smiling at me. I smiled back and giggled.

Just when it started getting good, I had to go inside. Me and Hannah said our goodbyes. I tried to get Daniel's attention to say bye to him, but he was talking to his brother. I walked inside, sadly.

Daniel doesn't need a number on my list. He's permanently etched into my heart.

 

11-28-11

"Mitchell, we need to talk," I said to him during break time.

"What?" Mitchell said.

"You told everyone we're going out!"  I said.

"No I didn't. Who told you that?"

"Uh... everyone!"

"They all hate me anyway,"

Exactly! That's why I didn't want anyone to know! I thought. "Mitchell, I don't like you okay? It's over," I walked away.

I saw Iyana and Dionna down the hall. "I'm single!" I shouted and jumped in the air.

"What?" Iyana asked.

"You broke up with Mitchell?" Dionna asked.

"Yup! I'm riding solo!" I said.

"Yay!" Iyana high-fived me.

In the hall, Mitchell passed me, "What'd I do?!"

I shook my head at him, so he kept walking.

Then after lunch, Daniel snuck up behind me and tried to trip me. He missed and I laughed. I tried to trip him, but he dodged.

"Hey, tall guy! Stop walking!" Someone called from behind us.

I cracked up, "Hey, tall guy!" I mocked. Daniel laughed.

"Check out your boyfriend's hair," he said.

"He's not my boyfriend anymore. I broke up with him,"

"Oooh..."

"Yeah, I only dated him because I felt bad. I-"

"Really?! Hey Mitchell!" Daniel called out. I walked ahead.

When I was getting a soccer ball at recess, Mitchell confronted me again. "What did I do?" He asked.

"You told everyone we were dating. I didn't want anyone to know!" I said and walked away. He seemed upset but he started flirting with other girls again. Yay. I'm so happy. It feels like a big worry block has been lifted off me.

At P.E., we were playing gator ball on the field. I was doing sucky again and even though Autumn was on the opposite team, we still talked. Emil was near and he lifted up his shirt real quick to cool off. Abs. Right there.

"That's hot," I said to Autumn.

"What's hot?" Emil asked.

"Brandon flashed us in math class once," Autumn said.

"Ew! Brandon! Alyssa called you hot!" Emil shouted.

"No!" I yelled.

"Alyssa! Seriously?" Brandon shouted.

"No! Ugh! Not you!" I screamed.

"You want me to tell him?" Autumn asked.

"No... I don't want him to think I'm obsessed with him," I said.

Now, let's review my crush list:

1. Daniel (from school)

2. Emil

3. Daniel (the one that's etched into my heart [lol])

11-29-11

Mitchell looked so depressed today. He's been avoiding me and not talking to me. I should feel bad. A part of me is. I mean, he's cute. It's just his personality!

Now Daniel from school is perfect. He tall. Tan. Dark hair. Blue eyes. He's hot, you know? And he's sporty, funny, and flirty. Which... we flirted today. Attempting to trip each other again. He talked about his pretend horse named Buster. I asked him if he was going on the out-of-state field trip. He is. Mwahaha. After math tutoring, I saw him and he waved... then fell backwards. I laughed and he smiled.

That smile. His smile. His perfect smile that makes me smiles. His smile that brightens my day when it's dark. And I love that smile.

 

7:43 P.M.

We went from hating each other, to best friends, to dating, to breaking up the next week, to avoiding each other. I mean, who does that?

Me.

Obviously...

 

11-30-11

Mitchell’s still avoiding me. Is he that depressed? Or is he just mad at me? I just want to be friends with him. Dating was too far.

I didn’t get much attention from Daniel today. He was attached to Shannon again. I really like him. Like, more than I did with Josh. (Probably because he was a total asswipe to me but… ANYWAY.)

I’m really depressed, though, for some reason right now. I just don’t want Mitchell to be mad at me.

I also just want to know that someone likes me back. What do they see when they look at me?

Reviews

[Kayla]

Are you and Drew still dating? You make a cute couple :) Is he back yet?