October

True.

10-3-11
Blahhh. I don't know what to say. Nothing interesting happened today.
I got a new virtual boyfriend. I know it's stupid and desperate, but he's really sweet. His name is Drew and we met on YouTube. He subscribed to me and I messaged him because he was a newbie. We talked until 1 A.M. and I started to like him. The next morning, we went on xat and he met three of my friends. Jimmy told him I liked him and Drew said he liked me back. Yay!
Later, Drew changed his YouTube icon and it was of me and him holding hands (on MapleStory). So I changed mine to him carrying me. I love him so much <3.

10-4-11
Ahh... the smell of fall. It gives me butterflies, because it reminds me of Josh. But that's when he started being an a*s to me so... forget the butterflies. I love the cold weather, though. It brings back so much memories. Maybe something special will happen around Christmas with Daniel. My crush on Mitchell disappeared. Back to Emil.
Okay, I really don't know what to write. Nothing special happened today. I realized that Timmy always tries to find an excuse to make fun of me. He says I'm weird because I always talk about guys I meet online. I don't. Not anymore.
I meet guys online because they're more mature than the guys in real life.
Two years ago, I used to be obsessed with this chatting website called xat. I caused sooo much drama on there. But it was fun. I had a lot of guy friends on there, which I love hanging out with guys, so it was really fun with them. I didn't have many girl friends because they were really annoying and bitchy. There are so many memories from xat, though. After I quit, two years later, Ness told me that everyone quit after I did. Well, that's depressing.
I remember a LONG time ago, when I used to live in Puerto Rico, I had a guy best friend. Hunter. Oh, Hunter, he was so cute and nice to me. I even had a sleepover with him, too. You don't find guys like that now.

10-5-11
So we finished practicing our song in Music class and we had a few extra minutes before we had to leave.
"You can just dance over here," Mrs. Vandorth said. Wtf? everyone thought. We thought she was gonna turn on the regular radio, but instead, she turned on some Elvis music! Everyone stood by the door.
"We should sneak out," Autumn said. "Amanda, you first." Autumn pushed Amanda out.
"What?!" Amanda said. She had to run passed the second door without Mrs. Vandorth seeing her.
"Just run passed the door!" Autumn shouted. Amanda hesistated, then she sprinted passed. Autumn pushed Manuela out and she started dying. While she was on the ground laughing, everyone ran out. I dropped my stuff, and picked them up quickly. We ran all the way to the classroom. Sierra, Michael, Tim, and Jordan were the last ones out.
"Wait! Stop!" Mrs. Vandorth shouted. They froze.
"Yes?" Sierra said.
"I need the clipboard!"
Crap, she's gonna mark everyone down, Sierra thought.
"I need to mark down Jordan and Luis for talking," Mrs. Vandorth said.
Phew, Sierra thought. She gave her the clipboard. Then, they caught up with us and Sierra told us everything.
The lights went out during class, too. It was like a scary movie. The light flickered three times and went out. But our teacher kept teaching!
Sometimes I wish I could accidentally run into a guy while the lights are out. Or I get lost and the teachers send Emil to find me. He'll have to hold my hand and lead me back to homeroom. Or we'll get lost together...
ANYWAY.

10-6-11
My goals at school:
Flirt with Emil
Make fun of the boys
Show my airheaded-ness
Not run
Be a pervert at times
Get the latest gossip
Make jokes with Luis
Laugh with Autumn and Manuela
Get in trouble with Mr. Pagoria
I keep thinking about Armon. My other old guy friend. I know him, because his mom was my teacher in daycare in Italy. Now HE was cute. We visited them a couple times. We haven't visited them in a while, though. I want to. But my mom said it'll be awkward now that his parents are divorced. Armon's father was cheating on his mother.
I wanna new guy best friend so bad! In 4th grade, I had a guy best friend, Alex. We ended up dating. But he moved the day before Valentine's day. On his last day with me, he gave me a stuffed puppy and chocolates. He hugged me and we cried together... nah, I'm kidding, we didn't cry together. He hugged me, walked away slowly and when I got home, I cried.

10-7-11
I was texting Josh. We were fighting. He thought I still liked him, but I don't.
"Why do you like me so much? Why won't you leave me alone?" His words appeared on my screen.
"I don't! Grrr! You know what... because I was the first one to notice you. Because I felt bad for you when you were sad. Because I had the guts to write you a poem and put it in your desk. Because me liking you made you popular. Because I actually CARED about you!"
He didn't respond for a while. Then, "You wrote the note?"
I woke up. It was just a dream.
I got stuck with Luis again. We had to move seats in homeroom and I was hoping to get put next to a cute, funny guy.
No, not cute at all. I got sat next to LUIS. I have three classes next to him now! Spanish, music, and homeroom! Why me? Why me?!
I've been so neutral between guys lately. I don't have one crush anymore. I think it's because ___ grade isn't here anymore. I wanna see Daniel again. Maybe he'll go Trick-or-Treating with me. HAHAHA. As if. Maybe something special will happen between us this Christmas.

10-9-11 (First year Anniversary on YouTube)
I don't wanna look like a f****n' little kid. I wanna look like a smexi teenager. I'm tired of being treated like a baby.
"Let me put your hair up,"
"Why?"
"Because I'm your mother and I can tell you what to do,"
How about this? I kill myself, and then you won't have anything to worry about.

5:09
I'm officially red riding hood for halloween. I wish I was more-developed. I have no b***s...

10-10-11 (My dog's 2nd birthday)
"Why did you punch him in the face?" The principal will say.
"Because I'm tired of being made fun of," I'll say.
I swear, one day I'm gonna pull a J-woww, and punch Andrew in the face. I am NOT a goody-goody, kissup, or anti-social! He doesn't even know what that means! He thought he changed!
Today in music, Mrs. Vandorth switched Jordan and my's seats. So now I'm next to Brandon. Once I sat down, Brandon scooted his chair away from me as far as he could. Gawd, it's like I have a f****n' disease or something.

10-11-11
I got to sit back in my original seat in music today. Good. Away from Brandon. Later, I stole his calculator for a math test, because I lost mine. He looked around for his and couldn't find it. He had to borrow the teacher's, instead.
I ran into Emil while getting my books.
"Oh sorry," I said. He didn't say anything and kept walking. What a gentleman.
Yeah... I'm sticking with Daniel from now on. Even though he's too old for me. But he's really sweet! Grrr!

10-12-11
"Heh heh, pedophiles," I said.
"Alyssa, are you a pedophile online?" Autumn said.
"Haha, yeah, I stalk little boys," I laughed. Me and Autumn laughed.
"Alyssa stalks little boys!" Autumn said aloud.
"Alyssa, you're attracted to little boys?" Brandon asked.
"No, I was kidding," I said. Andrew, Michael, and Timmy turned around and looked at me.
"Alyssa, you just said you do," Autumn said.
"I was kidding! Geez, Autumn!" I said.
"Alyssa's a pedophile!" Brandon said.
"Brandon! Why does it frikin matter to you?!"
"Wha..."
"Everything I say! You-"
Mr. Pagoria cut us off. I had actually yelled at Brandon. He was really getting annoying. For the rest of the day he was kinda nice, though.
I wanna see Daniel again. Seeing him is like a drug to me. I'd die without him. I wish I had the guts to actually talk to him. If I wasn't so ugly, I would.
Omg! I just got a perfect idea for a story!
Well, Dylan and Justin from YouTube have been critisizing me about Drew, my virtual boyfriend. Dylan called me desperate. Justin thinks Drew's making me act porny. I'm tired of it!
So basically my story is gonna be about that, and Drew and I are gonna runaway together, because we're tired of the drama.
Lame.

10-13-11
What's the point of living anymore? I hate my virtual life. I hate my school life. And I hate my home life. No one cares about me in my family except for my dad, and he's not home half of the time! I'm soooo tired of everything!
My mom is always critizing me! I mean, come on, she's so immature! I swear, I'm the only mature one in my family. She's always yelling at me for caring what others think, but at the same time she's critizing me! Gahhh!!!
Whatever. Anyway. Luis has been talking to me a lot. Manuela and Amanda think that he likes me. Yeah... he's not the best looking dude. But he's cool.... but.... he's like best friends with Josh. Well, maybe Luis will tell Josh how cool I really am? Or maybe I can get closer to Luis's Deadmau5 friend!
Errr. I don't know. Daniel, where are you when I need you?

10-14-11
I gave Mitchell a hug. It was akward. He was all smiling and he hugged me really tight. It was for a long time too. I finally had to say, "Okay," to peel him off me. But... I liked it.
So, I thought my friend, Justin, had leaukemia, so I made a video dedicated to him. Later, I found out he didn't. Grrr, I always screw up everything when I try to help. Now everyone thinks he has it.
There's a car wash tomorrow for Youth Group. I have to wear a tank top. I hate wearing sleeveless things.
I wish I had my own money. I promised Autumn I would get her a hat if she got mine. She got mine, and I asked my mom to get her one for her birthday. She said no because they were too expensive. Well, I just broke a promise! Maybe I can get her a gift card and she can buy her own. I'm a bad friend.
Last comment of the day: My mom's a b***h. Bye.

4:16 P.M.
Songs that give me butterflies:
Just a Dream by Nelly
Letting Go by Sean Kingston
Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
Meet Me Halfway by The Black Eyed Peas
Fireflies by Owl City
Now You're Gone by Basshunter
All Good Things (Come to an End) by Nelly Furtado
Yeah... don't ask.

10-15-11
Autumn and I were at Youth Group and we were the only girls again. Yay! We were waiting for Mrs. White and Meghan, the leaders, so I sat down next to Merser on a couch. Autumn sat on the couch across from us with (the other) Daniel. I just realized I know three Daniels. Haha!
Anyway, I leaned on Merser and ended up hugging him. He put his arm around me and I laughed.
"Alyssa, what are you doing?!" Autumn asked. I laughed again. "You know I like Merser!" Autumn shouted.
Then I woke up. Woah...

12:17 A.M.
At the beginning I thought the car wash would be fun. But it turned out to be a*s-busting hell.
They were sooo many cars to wash. It was a little fun 'cause we got wet and stuff, but geez, we're kids, let us take our time. Also, there was this girl to help out and her and Merser were flirting the WHOLE time. They still are! It's like, gawd, go out already. And who knew guys could be such nerds when it came to cars. Daniel and Andrew weren't there and they're the funniest.
Then, I got a little jealous because Autumn went to advertise by the road with a different girl, not me. So I was alone. And they wanted the cars, like, spotless. I just wanna go home and pass out on my bed. But my mom's all like "You have to clean your room when we get home!" Whatever. Clean my room my a*s.
No.
Not much courage.

7:12 P.M.
My mom said I'm forming my teenage body now. She was looking at a new picture I took. I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing? Well, at least I won't look like a 3rd grader anymore.

10-17-11
My hair was actually pretty today. No bumps, messiness, or greasiness. But anyway, that's not the main topic today.
Luis was sick today again. He told me he threw up before he came to school.
"You should've stayed home!" I said.
"Yeah, but I don't like staying home alone. I get scared," he said.
Oh, wow, I thought. I noticed that he always tells me first that he's sick.
Him and I talked in snack. I had to hang out with the guys during class because all the other girls were called out to do something.
Later, in music, me and him were cracking up the whole time. Emil had tripped on the recycling box on the floor and he was practically dancing on it! His arms were flying in the air and then he fell. Luis and I were DYING.
In the middle of class, Manuela whispered to me that Luis and I were a cute couple. EW! When I sat back down next to Luis, he kept nagging on me to tell him what Manny said. I told him. He didn't say anything. He just flipped Manuela off. But he didn't talk to me for the rest of the time. It was awkward. Then, I got this weird feeling.... in my stomach.
My face felt hot. That usually what it feels like when I'm blushing. Oh no. No... I don't like LUIS!
Okay. Maybe I do...
EW AS IF.
YES! I ADMIT IT!
I LIKE LUIS!
At least, I think so...
I don't want to. He's not the best-looking guy in the class. And he's Josh's best friend. It'll be like liking Josh! That dude with the messed up face from Dancing With the Stars looks like an ugly Josh.
But he's so funny.
Errr... what do I do?

10-18-11
I was looking at my entry from yesterday and... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! I DON'T LIKE LUIS! NOOOO!
So. That's over.
But let me tell you the interesting things that happened. Mitchell kept giving me hugs in the hallway. Later, at dismissal, I was talking to Julie, Brianna, and Daniel. Mitchell came up behind me and put his head on my shoulder. Daniel made a face. I laughed.
"Mitchell, are you going to math tutoring?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said.
"Yay!" I hugged him.
"Dang it, I'm going to math tutoring, too," Daniel said. He kept swinging his bag back and forth, pretending to almost hit me in the face.
Me and Mitchell leaned on each other. Him and Daniel kept making fun of each other and I laughed.
"You guys are so nice to each other," I said.
"Yeah, we're like brothers," Mitchell said. "Me and Daniel are like brothers. You, Alyssa, are my half. You're like my twin."
"Awh," I said and put my arm around Mitchell.
In math tutoring, Mitchell sat next to me. Daniel sat behind me, in between Madison and Nicole. You could tell they liked him because they laughed at everything he said. Then, they would tell Mitchell to shut up.
I couldn't even focus on my work because me and Mitchell kept flirting. He put his arm around me and said, "Look into the future. I'll be a famous athlete, and Daniel will be... Daniel will be a hobo,"
I started dying of laughter. "Daniel's a hobo!" I said aloud.
"Hey!" Daniel said.
"Come on! I mean, look at your socks!" I pointed out. He was wearing his socks up to his knees.
"Don't be jealous of my sexy legs,"
"Yeah, girl legs,"
"I won't be a hobo! I could be a... a model!"
"Yeah, a female model," I snorted.
Everyone laughed.
Halfway into tutoring, I told Mitchell that I skipped a grade.
"You skipped a grade?! You should act dumb so you can go a grade lower... so I can go out with you..." Mitchel said.
"Awh!" I squealed.
"Nah, just kidding," Mitchell said.
"Awh, you ruined to moment," I said.
"Okay, you guys shouldn't be having a moment. Get to work!" Mr. Pagoria said. Mitchell and I giggled.
Later, he gave me his number. Then, while we were walking out front, he took my purse and cell phone. "I'll hold this and this,"
"Okay..." I said. Then... he held my hand. My stomach dropped.
"And we'll hold hands because we're besties," he said.
I giggled. "Oh, Mitchell.."
We walked all the way out and then he let go.
"Bye," I said.
"Bye!" Mitchell said.
I didn't wake up. It wasn't a dream. It was all... real.

10-20-11
Fine. She can have her frikin Mcdonald's breakfast by herself. I was hungry, my stomach hurt. I wasn't gonna wait for her! She should've brought home breakfast after she dropped Sabrina off at school! Gawd. My mom gets mad over retarded f****n things. What the hell. I can do with the fattening food...
But it's so good.

1:03 P.M.
I got a haircut. I wanted it Christina Grimmie style. My dad didn't like it that way so...
I got layers and side bangs again. This time it looks better, though. I wonder what Mitchell will think. That's what I'm mostly thinking about... OH! And Daniel from next door. Can't forget him.

10-21-11
"Okay, Alyssa! They'll give you money and you give them a ghost or an orange paper," Mr. Smith said to me. I was helping sell pencil grams at my sister's elementary school. (A.k.a. My old school.) I was in charge of money. That meant I had to count it. Oh Gawd.
I was horrible at it! I think I gave this one girl too many grams when I wasn't supposed to! I'm horrible at math!
Then, I had to help out with popcorn. I had to deliver the bags to different classrooms. I was so lost. There were so many new teachers! All the old teachers that taught me recognized me and said I looked so grown up. They called me beautful, tall, grown-up, etc. It made me feel good. I can't wait to go back to school on Monday and show off my new haircut. I really like it.
Oh geez, I'm starving. I haven't eaten since 7:00. It's 11:54. Gah!

2:17 P.M.
Fixing my hair after a slap in the face. Yayyy, life is good.

10-22-11
Two more days until Monday! Yes, I'm actually excited to show up for school. Well, that's a once in a lifetime thing!

8:32 P.M,
My great-grandfather (I call him Papi Lolo) is in the hospital. I don't think he's gonna make it. There's nothing else the doctors can do. It's all shutting down.
My mom's going to ___ to attend his funeral. My dad has to stay home from work this week to take care of me and my sister. I didn't want to see the funeral. Three years ago, during the summer, I was just at his house, laying in his hammock. I haven't cried. I might cry myself to sleep later, though. It's scary because Papi Lolo might die around my birthday. Well, that's not good.
I need Daniel or Mitchell. They always make me smile.

10-24-11
Mitchell was absent. Waaa. I would text him and ask him why he didn't show, but I already texted him twice. I don't want him to think I'm annoying or desperate.
So... I've been attracted to the other Daniel at my school. Argh, so many mini-crushes! I should make a list:
1. Daniel (from next door)
2. Mitchell
3. Emil
4. Daniel (from school)
5. Timothy
6. Andrew (when he's not an A*S)
7. Andrew (from Youth Group)
From biggest to smallest. Mwaha. Yes, Daniel is and forever will be my number 1.
Nothing really interesting happened today, except for Luis being really annoying and immature. He's still mad at Manuela. I agree that he's being immature because he needs to get over it! Manuela doesn't even care anymore and he's still trying. Even I'm annoyed.

10-25-11 ~Great-Grandfather died at 2:00 A.M.~
"Mitchell!" I called out. He stopped walking and gave me a hug. "Yay, I missed you yesterday. You always make me smile, Mitchell."
"Um, okay?" He said and backed away.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! Why did I say that?! Gahhh!!! I feel like such a weirdo! I couldn't eat lunch afterwards. I was so mad at myself. I avoided Mitchell for the rest of the day. Hopefully, he forgot.
I can't stand math anymore either. That's the only thing that holds me down. One day I'm gonna have an emotional breakdown! I think I'm at the point where I can't catch up with A-group anymore. I should be moved down to B-group.
Luis kept breathing on me during music class because he had a mint and his breath smelled good. I happened to be sitting close to him, too, so he was like, "Oh, does this attract you?" Ewww, as if!
After music, I walked passed a glass door and got a quick glance of my reflection. I swear, I saw the old me with ___ and short hair. It was scary.
Oh today was horrible... not like any other day has been better.
My mother invited Kayla and her family to come with us to the play on Sunday AND to my birthday dinner. Kayla's family! Of all people, my mother picks them! It couldn't have been Amira's family?! Kayla and Meghan annoy me so much! Kayla tries to act like an adult and Meghan is a brat. EVEN their mother annoys me! She's like my mother to me! Amira's mom would be on my side, Kayla's mother is always on my mom's side! Grrr!!! I'm not wasting my birthday AND my last day of the weekend with THEM. I swear, my life can't get any worse.

10-28-11
My two other dates got deleted by accident. Too lazy to restore them. Omg, trunk-or-treat at my school was great. Mitchell said happy birthday to me. We walked everywhere together. Everyone thought we were a couple. People kept walking around us saying "Cheater" to Mitchell. Agh.
Later, when I had to leave Mitchell hugged me. He kissed me on the neck. Just a peck. And.... I did back. He said he was trying to break up with his girlfriend. Maybe he'll dump her for me? Aw gawd.

10-30-11
It's my F*****G BIRTHDAY and my mom's still being a b***h to me. I can't even wear f****n' eyeliner on my birthday?! What's so bad about EYELINER?! I don't think I'm getting a facebook. I'm so pissed. Birthday sucidalllll. Yayyy.

1:55 P.M.
I can't get my mind off of Mitchell and that Friday night.

10-31-10
Mitchell has officially moved up to number 1 on my list. I gave him a hug in the hall and whenever he saw me, he would call me sis. He's going to math tutoring tomorrow. I asked him *GIGGLES UNCONTROLLABLY* I wonder if he feels the same way about me as I feel about him. I don't know.
I almost got mad at Luis today... he kept calling Mitchell a homo and a f****t. And then I got mad at him for something else... I forgot. So I ignored him for a little bit... but then I gave in.
Argh. I'm such a softie.

8:54 P.M.
Trick-or-treating was pretty fun. I thought it was gonna be boring because we were going with Kayla's family, but I met a girl, Sasha. She was pretty cool. She kept calling me red riding hood because she kept forgetting my name. We kept running ahead of everyone and it was pretty fun. We got lots of candy. I saw a couple kids I knew, but I don't think they recognized me.
Oh well. Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver... but the other gold...

Author's Note

All true.

Reviews

[lovely-livia]

WHAT THE HELL?? TIM REALLY!?! and guuurl im gonna slap some sense into you bout the suicide things!!!

[Kayla]

Having crushes on boys dosen't make you a s**t. Thoose people are just jealous.