September

All a true story of my life.

I remember at the beginning of the year, I thought: "Oh, this year's going to be boring without Josh or Tom here. All the guys in my class are ugly, this'll be the first year I won't have a crush."

I thought wrong.

9-14-11

Between the different classes, this year did seem pretty boring. There were new science books that were hard. We have to do a term paper this year, too.

Andrew isn't as much as a d********g as last year. He's pretty nice. Leroy and Timmy still make me feel unwanted and ugly, so those two are also who I'm avoiding this year. We also have a new principal this year. I like her more than last year's principal, though.

I haven't seen Daniel since the 4th of July. I miss him. My friends think he got adopted, but I don't know.

I forgot everything that happened in the beginning of August, so let's move onto the interesting stuff. 

During the summer, Brandon texted me. He told me that he was going to turn over a new leaf and be nicer to me this year. Well... he isn't. He's still the same old Brandon from last year. And you know what? I like it that way.

Everyone thinks me and Brandon like each other. They're right. At least, about me. Manuela thinks that we're a cute couple... (Mwahahaha.)

One time, I was packing up my backpack at school. Brandon walked behind me, I bent over to get something and knocked into my seat by accident. I turned around and saw him in my chair. We stared at each other wide-eyed and then I zoomed off to Manuela. She told me my face was red. Of course, I thought. Now I feel like I have a big a*s.

Weeks before that, in spanish, we had to describe a person and the class had to guess who it was. Brandon's turn came, and he stood in the front of the classroom. He described someone, and no one could guess who. Finally, Amanda said: "Alyssa?"

He said yes. It was me. He looked at me. I smiled, then felt myself turning red, so I looked away.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase.

One day at snack, Manuela and I were outside. I was mesmerized by my apples until I heard Manuela say: "AWWW!" And she jumped up and down.

"What?" I asked her. She took me into the bathroom with her and told me.

"I think Brandon's going to ask you out!" She said.

"Really?!" I asked.

"Yeah! I heard Brandon ask Emil: 'Should I?' And Emil said: 'Why not?'"

My stomach for butterflies. We went back outside.

"Hey, Alyssa, you want some poptarts?" Autumn offered.

"Poptarts!" I shouted. I ran over to Autumn and snatched one. The boys laughed.

"You fatty," Brandon said.

"I like my poptarts!" I said.

Then, everyone went back to their conversations.

"Hey, Alyssa!" Brandon shouted to me.

"What?" I replied.

There was a minute of procrascination, then Brandon said, "I love you!"

I stood there, staring. Then, I said, "Okay, I'm going to walk away now..." and I went inside. Manuela followed, and I heard all the boys laughing from outside.

What is this? The Josh thing all over again? I thought.

"Alyssa! You should've stayed!" Manuela said.

"I know..." I whined. Amanda came in and went over to us. "I think it was a joke," Amanda said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, 'cause they all laughed when you went inside. I think it was a 'Would You Rather' thing," Amanda said.

"Oh..." I whispered. That's it. I'm done with Brandon for the day, I had thought.

Later, after snack, we had to color a map for social studies. Mrs. Horn let us sit anywhere we wanted to. Brandon's desk next to Sierra was empty. I'll sit next to Sierra, I thought and sat in Brandon's desk. Brandon came over to get something out of his desk. I stood up, thinking he was kicking me out, and sat back in my desk.

"Wait, Alyssa, I wasn't kicking you out!" Brandon said to me.

"Whatever, I already sat down," I said.

Brandon sat in the empty desk behind me next to Andrew. "I know why, you want to sit in front of me." He laughed.

"No," I stood up, angrily, and walked back over and sat next to Sierra again.

"Oh! You SO like me!" Brandon shouted.

I ignored him and colored angrily. Why would he even like me? I thought to myself. I'm ugly. No one likes me.

Then I thought about the day before. It was picture day, so I wore my favorite dress that made me look really grown up. Everyone commented on how pretty I looked. When I had walked into the classroom, Brandon saw. His jaw dropped when he saw me, and then he had smiled.

What? He likes me because I changed over the summer? I don't want a guy who likes me for my looks, especially if I had "changed." I want a guy who likes me for who I am, my personality.

But I can't stay mad at Brandon forever, can I?

Well I didn't. And just when I thought I wasn't gonna see Daniel again, I went outside with Hannah, and he waved at me. I waved back, smiling, and then I started to show off my soccer kicks as usual. If only the basketball hoop was still up, then he could come over and play basketball with us.

He stood in front of his garage and bounced around his basketball, showing off back. I laughed.

I see him sometimes outside his house, and we always wave at each other. And then, I feel high for the rest of the day. Grrr, I wish he came over again. I love having dreams about him. They're so romantic...

And then there's the guys at Youth Group. I had to join for service hours. Merser and Connor are the best-looking ones. A different Andrew and a different Daniel are average. Autumn and I are the only girls in Youth Group. I like hanging out with the guys... they make me feel cool.

I can't do that at my school, I already made a bad impression on the guys. I feel welcomed at Youth Group. All the guys are so funny.

Merser sat across from me at the table. He's so tall, so his legs were stretched out. I kicked his foot by accident and he looked at me.

"Sorry," I said and giggled. Then, I started kicking him purposely.

"That's not nice," he laughed.

Later, during break, all the guys were doing push ups on the ground. Dang, Merser's weak. Autumn and I sat in some chairs, watched, and laughed.

"Come on, girls, why don't you do something?" Mrs. Jennifer suggested.

"Haha, no, we're good..." Autumn said.

"Come on!" Daniel said and stood up. He walked over to me and grabbed me by my shoulders. He pulled me up and walked me over to the other guys.

"He's touching me!" I whined and laughed. He let go and Mrs. Jennifer made me and Autumn do weird activities, too.

9-15-11

So for life skills, we had to make a powerpoint about ourselves. I made mine. It was fun and cool. I put a video of my friends in it from the parent meeting. I told Autumn and she thought it was bad and told me to take it down. I didn't. So she put a picture of me eating a churro in hers.

"Take it down!" I told her.

"Not until you take off the video," Autumn said.

"But the video's not embarassing! The picture is!" I said.

"What's embarassing?" Brandon asked.

"A picture of Alyssa eating a churro. It was at Ashley's party. Alyssa ate, like, five and when we got to Ashley's house, she threw up everywhere,"

Brandon laughed hard. Now he calls me churro.

When presentation day came, Autumn presented her powerpoint. I hoped she took the picture down. Everytime time she turned to a slide with pictures, I screamed.

"Oh my God, there it- oh wait, nevermind... No wait there- wait, nevermind again..... OH MY GOD, THERE IT IS!"

There it was, cropped onto only my face. Autumn pointed it out. I covered my face and sank into my chair, while everyone laughed.

"You're not mad at me, are you?" Autumn asked while we were going to lunch.

"Nah, it's fine," I said, casually. It'll only get stuck with me for the rest of the year! I thought.

Before that, boys from soccer were getting called out one by one into the hall with Mrs. Horn. So, that meant we had some time to talk before the teacher came back.

I usually look at people's eyes when they talk. So, when Emil was talking, I noticed his eyebrows kind of connecting in the middle.

I giggled. "Emil, you're forming a unibrow!"

"No, I'm not!" Emil said as he felt the spot inbetween his to eyebrows.

"Well, you're forming an ostritch!" Andrew said to me.

No... not the ostritch thing again.

Apparently, when I run, I run with my head out in front, with my body bent over like an ostritch. And guess what I found out? My dad did the same thing, and he was made fun of, too, when he was younger.

I hate running now. At the same time, I don't want to walk slowly or anything. That's why I never try out for sports. I would LOVE to be a cheerleader. I would...... if I could. Now that's a secret that I don't want to explain.

For the rest of the day, everyone made fun of me about churros. Now it's getting annoying. Okay, so maybe I'm a little mad. I just don't want the ostritch thing to come back.

9-16-11

Okay. Yeah. Churro is really getting old already. I mean, the actual thing happened two years ago! SHUT UP!

Anyway, so nothing interesting happened today. I had to sit next to Brandon today in Church. But he kept calling me a churro, so I switched spots with Autumn and avoided him for the rest of the day. I can't believe I'm saying this but... Brandon's kind of getting annoying. He's barely mature about me. I only get a serious conversation with him only once a month.

See, Daniel, from my neighborhood, is nice to me. I don't like him for his looks. I like him for his personality...

And you know when you really like a guy and you have dreams about him? I NEVER have dreams about Brandon. They're always about Daniel or Josh, even though I'm WAY over Josh.

I mean, it's alright for a guy to make fun of you a couple of times, but it's EVERYDAY Brandon does it. No matter how much Brandon and I look like a cute couple, I don't think he's the right guy for me.

9-19-11

There was a party at my house. Daniel from next door was there. There was a bed... in my living room? He layed down on it, because he was tired. I sat next to him and we talked. Eventually, I layed down, too, next to him. We looked at each other. We leaned in... but I turned away, embarrassed.

"I don't know how to kiss," I had said.

"It's okay," Daniel said and smiled.

I woke up. It was only a dream.

Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, guess who showed up to visit today?

No. You're wrong.

JOSH.

When I saw him I was like, "What... the hell?" Yeah. I wasn't happy to see him. I was actually PISSED to see him. And of course, everyone was being a frikin spazz, so it made everything worse. I was trying to be normal so he could see the real me, but instead I looked like a b***h the whole time.

Sorry for my foul language, but anyway.

Even Josh was being more mature then the other guys, and he's the one I HAD a crush on! I couldn't STAND it today! Okay, so I was only phased by Josh once, but I'm still over him. I'm never gonna see him again, anyway! Andrew sat there at lunch staring at me with that little smirk on his face, because Josh was sitting over there. I wanted to charge him down and nail him in the face!

I had it with Brandon, too, today!

"Brandon, I like talking to you, but if it's always gonna be this way, then I'm now gonna talk to you anymore. I'm sick of it," and I walked away. BOOM! Two sentences said. He must've finally got a frikin clue. I like Brandon for his personality, not his looks. I'm not even sure if I even like Brandon anymore...

9-20-11

Sitting in my room, pissed. I went outside and saw Daniel again. We met eye contact a couple of times or so, but then I had to go inside. Of course. Dinner wasn't even ready yet! GRRR. I know it's not right, but I hate my mother sometimes.

But Daniel lies about his age...

Everytime he lies about his age, he makes himself older. 15, 16, 17. What if he's lying to be too old for me so we can't date? What if he always just waves at me as a neighbor? Blah, I don't know... He's like my dream boy, though.

Anyway, my sister might get into this big chorus thing at her school, and I'm kind of mad. She can do everything that I can't. My only talent that I have that she doesn't have is singing. She's bad at it. Oh gawd, she's singing right now. I want to beat her at something. I at least want one talent that she doesn't have, besides video making.

I just want someone to be proud of me of something instead of my sister all the time. I don't want to be that "lazy fat a*s" on the computer anymore.

9-21-11

Have you ever wished that one day, when you woke up, you would have a perfect body and a perfect life and a perfect everything? Yeah, I have.

Anyway, yesterday my dad asked me if I was really emo. Psh, of course not! I just wear black all the time, whisper death words under my breath, and avoid contact with my family all day. Yeah... you think about that.

So for the past three days, I've been checking out a certain someone...

I have a confession to make.

I think I like Emil...

He's adorable, funny, and serious at moments. Everything you could want in a guy. But... I'm not sure if he likes me back. He might still like Manuela...

Today I told Luis I thought he wasn't too bad looking. I mean really, he not ugly. I don't like him (HELL NO), but he's not ugly.  Now, I wish someone said that to me. 

9-22-11

Am I annoying? No? How about weird? Goth? Emo?

Insults. To me, at least.

Have you ever wondered what a guy sees or thinks when he looks at you?

I have. And I think I know.

All the guys like Autumn, Sierra, Amanda, and Manuela! I'm just that weird, annoying, goth girl that used to like Josh. I don't want to be remembered as that. I don't want to be remembered as the girl who used to freak out around Josh, or that girl with "the socks", or the girl who has virtual boyfriends.

No.

I know it's right to be yourself, but everytime I am, no one accepts me.

I mean sure, I won't always get the guy I want, but I at least want a decent guy to like me, or make a good comment on my talents or how I look that day.

Tomorrow there's a dance. I'll have fun there.

Everyday's a new day, right?

9-23-11

3:24 PM

Yup, new day indeed. I've been talking to Emil more. He thinks I still like Brandon. Only Autumn knows who I truly like...

Anyway, the dance is today. No one asked me. Eh, whatever, I don't have time for that crap. I have no idea what to wear, though. The dance is at a different school. Usually I get bad at luck that school's dance...

Like one time, I used to be obsessed with Andrew. Like, love obsessed. It was bad. But the Josh thing was worst. Anyway, and I never got to slow dance with him. So I almost cried.

I know what you're thinking.

"Wtf, over that d********g?!"

I agree.

Anyway, and another thing that happened was: there's this dance called the shoe dance. The DJ picks if the girls or boys throw one of their shoes into a pile. So, he picked the girls to. So I threw my shoe in and all the boys surrounded the pile of shoes and dived for a shoe. When they pick your shoe, you have to slow dance with them.

I'm hopping around on one foot, waiting for a boy to pick my shoe. No one does. I hopped all over the place for nothing!

Another thing that happened was: It was the shoe dance again, so I tried again. A boy picked my shoe this time. He was okay-looking.

So we're slow dancing, and ohmygawd, he's a moron. I have my arms around his neck, and HE puts ONE hand on my SHOULDER. So at first I'm thinking, "Wtf?!"

WAIT! It gets better!

His buddy comes over, laughs, and nudges him. Then he motions my dude to follow him. You know what that retard does? HE WALKS AWAY FROM ME!

He's gone, and I'm standing there alone like an idiot! He ditched me! So you know what I did? Next time I saw him, I flipped him off and walked away.

Rude, I know.

Well, let's see how this dance goes.

6:12 PM

Almost time to leave for the dance. I look okay.

Shirt: White with navy blue stripes lowcut from Hollister, tanktop under.

Pants: Dark jeans.

Shoes: White flats

Accessories: Silver chain bracelet with dangling heart, silver hoop earrings.

Face: Light eye shadow, black mascara, (wanted eyeliner), light pink lip gloss.

A little nervous. But I'm gonna have fun, right?

8:46 PM

Manuela found out I like Emil. I might ask him to dance soon. Scared, what if he rejects me?

I've only been flirting with him so... wish me luck!

9:16 PM

"Hey, Emil, you wanna dance?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes and gave his phone to Aaron. "Sure, I guess," he said and stood up. So tall.

"You don't have to..." I said.

"I don't care," he said.

I walked to a spot and he followed. Waaa, I hate myself.

I put my arms around his neck, he put his arms around my waist.

It was going well until Timmy came. Timmy. That name. Rawr. RAWR. Grrr!!! What a f*****g d********g...

Aha, anyway...

So Tim comes over, makes a heart with his hands, and says, "You guys are in love!"

"Oh, whatever, Tim!" Emil said. He let go of me and walked away. I stood there.

What the HELL just happened? Of course. Me, right? Why me? Because I'm ugly. I'll never get my dream guy.

Why can't I have hair like Manuela? The eyes of Autumn? Sierra's dance moves! Or Amanda's personality?!

Why do I have to be the ugliest girl in the class? Why do I have to be dorky around guys? Why do I have to react annoyingly against "jokes"?

Why me?

So many questions.

I wish they were answered.

9-26-11

I swear, my whole family is annoying. My mom was just yelling at me about my school grades and my sister was following me around trying to show me her teeth. My dad never let's me have my alone time.

My mom told me she's gonna start taking my phone away while I do my homework. She told me she can't trust me home alone, because she thinks I sneak onto my laptop or use my phone the whole time and I'm distracted from my homework. Which I do. But I use my laptop after I finish all my homework when I'm home alone! I use my phone to keep track of my e-mails and ask my friends about homework. My phone and laptop are the only places I can escaped to. Away from my family, boys, enemies, basically the world.

Anyway, this morning in Spanish class, we were doing this thing with last names. Mrs. Hessen called Luis and I to the front of the room. She pretended that we met in college and got married. Of course, me. So Luis was all like "Ewww," and all that s**t.

Brandon was all like, "Poor Luis,"

Thank God I had to leave for an appointment, because I was getting pissed off. Sadly, I had to come back, though.

I always feel like I'm complaining about something... maybe I'm just being dramatic.

Later, in music, I had to sit next to Luis. He tried to touch my books. I pulled them away.

"Don't touch my stuff!" I said, grouchily.

"Okay, geez," he said.

"You embarrassed me during Spanish today," I said.

"How?"

"You made me feel ugly,"

"I didn't call you ugly,"

"Yeah, but you were acting like it!"

"Oh... well... sorry,"

Silence.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," Luis said.

"You're lying to me," I said.

"No, I'm serious," he said.

"I swear, if you throw up on me, I'm gonna kill you. Go to the bathroom!"

He sat for a minute. Then, he stood up and walked out. When he came back, he had a wet spot on the collar part of his shirt. I pointed at it and he told me he didn't notice.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I threw up," he said.

"Tell the teacher!" I suggested.

"Nooo. You tell her,"

"Fine," I said and stood up.

He helped me out last year when I fainted. I should do something in return, I guess.

I walked up to Mrs. Vandorth.

"Mrs. Vandorth?" I asked. She walked away. I scurried back to my seat. "You tell her!" I told Luis.

"Fine," Luis said. He raised his hand and told Mrs. Vandorth. She said to go the nurse's office and he stood up.

"You want me to go with you?" I asked.

"No, I'll be fine, mommy," he joked and smirked.

"Oh haha," I said.

He walked out. Five minutes later, he came back and told me he was leaving.

Okay, so maybe he got a clue to leave me alone. No one's been calling me churro lately. That's a good thing.

Whenever I think about bad things that happened today that offended me, I think about death. That makes me teary-eyed though, and I hate crying during the day. I only cry when I sleep...

But funny, when you're dead, people start caring about you.

9-27-11

My class went on a field trip. We were going back to the buses, and Emil was walking alone. I caught up with him and leaned on his shoulder.

"Heyyy, Emil," I said and smiled.

"Oh hey," he said. We joked and laughed together while walking.

"Carry me," I joked.

"Okay," Emil laughed. I jumped on his back, held onto his neck, and he held my legs. He carried me all the way to the buses. I leaned on him and giggled. When we got to the drop-off, everyone stared at us as Emil put me down.

Then I woke up. It was just a dream...

Damn, Emil's hot. He's so tall and tan. Blue eyes with dark hair... What the hell.

Anyway, today Autumn told me that my type of flirting is being mean to people. Which is true. Is that a bad thing? You don't want them to know you like them. But at the same time, you do kinda. I don't know. Love is complicated.

Emil's so nosy, though. Last year, he was the one who told everyone that I liked Josh. Emil thinks I like Brandon. I told him I used to, and he asked how long. I didn't tell him that. I wanna know if any guys like me.

So my birthday's next month. Eh, big deal. It sucks because it's at the end of the month. I skipped a grade, so I'm still the youngest in my class. Now that sucks hard. I always feel so young. I hate how my mother treats me as a little girl still. It's like hey, I grew up with these beats, can't I be like them? The boys treat me like a little kid, too. Mostly Brandon.

I just wish something special will happen on my birthday. Like, my first kiss... a boy will ask me out... win a prize... become famous... I don't know! I don't want it to be a boring everyday birthday with a cake, candles, presents and stuff.

I want something special to happen.

9-28-11

Watching Ellen. I wish I had a life like hers. My mom is mad for some reason. I don't know why. She's been acting grouchy ever since we got home. She keeps giving me dirty looks, too. I keep asking what's wrong and she won't answer. So screw it, then. I swear, I'm the only mature one in the house.

Anyway, so Mitchell was hanging on me all day at recess. I pretended to be stoned, and he called me weird. Heh.

Usually, me and Sierra kick a soccer ball around, but Mitchell kept pushing me over and kicking it. So I was like, "Oh! It's on!" But he's too much of a spazz, so I couldn't beat him. Then, he picked me up and said he could carry me across the field because I was so light.

"Is that good thing?" I asked.

"No," he said.

"Do I have to be fat or something?"

"No!" Mitchell laughed. Then he tackled me. I fell on my knees in the grass as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"Get off!" I yelled and struggled. He got up and I got up, cleaning myself off. "Never do that again," I said. He made me look like a total weakling. Him picking me up was fine, but when he knocked me to the ground.... hell no. I don't know why he was following me around. He has a girlfriend, Katie. But I think he still likes Manuela.

Yeah, so. Such as life.

Tomorrow my mom said she's gonna put my hair up. I hate when she puts my hair up! It shows my whole face and I hate that! My face is so plain, so it looks weird. My mom said it'll look cute. I don't wanna look cute! I wanna look hot (HAHAHA)! I'm not a baby anymore. And stupid me suggested pigtails instead of one big ponytail in the bag. Good job, me.

There's also a social studies test tomorrow, and I didn't focus on studying at all! I was home alone, and usually when I'm alone I sing loudly. So I was singing instead of studying! Why am I so weird?

Again, such as life. Wish me luck!

9-29-11

She didn't put my hair up. Ugh, veins are so gross...

Anyway, today Mitchell tried tackling me again at recess. But he only put me in a headlock.

"You're a murderer!" I yelled and giggled.

"No, I'm not. This is murdering. Rawr!" He shouted and tried knocking me down again.

"Nooo!" I screamed and he laughed. Then he let go and grabbed Manuela.

Okay, maybe I like him a little. It's a BABY crush. I don't like him as much as Emil. Emil's hot. I need to ask Autumn for Mitchell's number... it'll be fun texting him. Mwahaha.

When I flirt with guys, I'm mean to them. Sometimes when they tell me I'm annoying, I wanna say, "I'm only acting like this so you won't think I like you," But no. I can't.

I noticed today that I have a soft spot for guys that are mad or depressed. Especially for Emil. Whenever he gets in big trouble, he gets really sad and stuff. I wanna comfort him...

I've been obsessed about hugging guys lately. I mean, I haven't been hugging guys, I just want to. Whenever I get to, I always feel so warm and happy with their arms around me. I can't wait for the end of the school year, because then there's a lot of goodbye hugs... even from the guys.

6:27 P.M.

I SAW DANIEL! AHHH!!! WE WERE LIKE 2 FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! HE WAS IN MY GARAGE!!!

I didn't even know he was out there! I was home alone, and I heard the garage door open, but no one came inside. So I went outside and saw my sister, then I looked behind her.

"Oh!" I said. Daniel was pumping his tires of his bike with my pump. He heard me and turned around.

"Hey," he said. His eyes were bluer than ever!!!

"Hi," I said. He turned back around and I looked down at my feet. I didn't have any shoes on and I was wearing my spotted socks. Oh gawd.

I walked up to him. "What's up?" I asked.

"Nothin' much. Looking for my brothers. They're mowing the lawn somewhere," he said.

"Oh," I said. (I'M SO BORING)

I should've asked him about school... or if he needed help pumping! I'm such a loser! It was so awkward!

9:30 P.M.

I can't sleep. There's too many things on my mind. I feel overwhelmed for some reason. School, homework, boys, my mother. There's a dance tomorrow, and I'm afraid I'll look ugly; my mother doesn't seem to care anymore. I just wanna die so everything will be over...

No, no! Wtf?! I'm not suicidal! Not death... just... um... a break from school. Yeah. I need to throw up tomorrow morning. Be like Luis. Pretend to throw up? I don't know! Maybe I just shouldn't go to the dance. But then I'd be a loser...

GAH!

9-30-11

My class was on a overnight field trip. It was at this fancy hotel with huge beds, tables, and major fancy shows. We met at a beach and hungout there for a while. I was running around until I ran into someone. I kept my balance and didn't fall backward. I had ran into a dude. He had blond hair and really deep blue eyes.

"Sorry!" I said.

"Ah... it's okay," he said. I noticed his hat.

"Is that a.... Finn hat?" I asked.

"Yup!"

"Omg, I love adventure time!"

We talked and I found out that he was staying at the same hotel I was. Finally! I meet someone! We hung around a lot. I was so distracted from Emil. I never found out what the boy's name was... We'll just call him Finn. He told me that he always snuck into those fancy shows, because the tickets were major expensive.

So I told him we just sneak into one today. We met outside and saw everyone going in.

"How do you usually sneak in?" I asked him.

"Umm..." he said.

A small door caught my eye. "There!" I pointed at it. I ran through it and he followed. It was a closet. We pushed around all the chairs that were in it. Then we found an opening. We crawled through it and finally got into the show.

"Nice job... for a girl," Finn winked. I elbowed him in the side.

"So what hotel room are you staying in?" I asked.

"307," he said.

"You should stay in my room with me," I said.

"Ooh lala," he laughed.

After the show, I led him to my room. It was a big room and my whole class fit in it. There were only eighteen beds.

"Dang it! I forgot there are only enough beds for my class!" I said. "Unless..." Finn mumbled.

We ended up sleeping in the same bed together. Oh gawd.

"Well, this is awkward," I said as I stared at him. We giggled.

"You're pretty in the dark," he said and smiled.

I woke up. Grrr. Another dream...

Tonight's another dance. My mom put my hair up today and everyone liked it... so I guess I'll leave it for the dance, too. I'm hoping something interesting will happen today at the dance. I sat away from Brandon in church again, too. I don't know. I'm tired of all this name-calling crap...

I saw Daniel again today, though! I came out of Payless and was filling up the trunk of my car when he called out to me. I was still in my uniform, so I looked like a dork.

I saw someone waving, and the first thing I saw was his smile. Daniel's smile. I'd recognize that huge smile anywhere.

"Hey!" he called out.

"Hey!" I waved back, smiling, too. I went into my car, giggling. He makes me happy, just seeing him.

10:39 P.M.

I asked Brandon to dance...

Why?

'Cause I'm stupid. All it was make me depressed the rest of the time.

Why?

Because he rejected me!

"Hey, Brandon... you wanna dance?"

He shook his head. Hey, I tried. I hid in the bathroom for the 3 past slow dances. Finally, I just sat with Sierra for one and Matt asked me. 30 seconds before the song ENDED.

I'm such a loser.

Luis is obsessed with this one DJ named Deadmau5. And like, he had this Deadmau5 bracelet on. Me and him were talking and then this one dude walked up to him, wearing a deadmau5 shirt. So they started being Deadmau5 geeks and I was laughing at everything they were saying.

So I was like, "You guys are such dorks,"

"Hey, don't mess with Deadmau5," the dude joked. (I later found out his name was Andrew.)

Then, a Deadmau5 song came on and they freaked out.

"This is Deamau5!!!" Luis shouted. I cracked up. They started dancing and I danced with them, laughing.

Later, a slow song came on. This time I didn't hide in the bathroom. I stood around until I saw Andrew (Deamau5 dude) sitting down. I walked up to him and patted him on the leg. "You wanna dance?" I asked. The guys around him guffawed. He stood up and smiled.

"Sure," he said. We walked over to a spot. Then we were super close to each other. Like... it was the closest I've ever been to a guy. Luis saw us together.

"I'm so jealous," he laughed. He went to walk away but Andrew called him back over. Then they started whispering to each other. I couldn't catch anything they said.

Except I heard Andrew say, "...this girl that I'm dancing with..."

I didn't understand anything else though. Then Luis walked away, and we were alone again.

"Did Luis tell you to do this?" He asked.

"No," I said.

"Come on, you can be honest,"

"He didn't!"

"Oh,"

"Yeah..."

Then he kept looking down at me and smiling and I kept smiling back...

I don't know what I saw in him! He wasn't that good-looking!

Well. Don't judge a book by it's cover?

Author's Note

Reviews, please?

Reviews

[lovely-livia]

oh peppy! just so ya know your amazing just the way you are! lol

[Kayla]

Awww they are all Gay fawkers. Poor you! You should Slap Brandon for being a Jerk!

[EllaLurve]

OMFG. They are all man w****s!!!! :O No one can get into the f*****g brain of a dude. I think it's because they don't have one. 'Scuse mai French x3. This is why I don't date -.-

[May]

Aww i feel so sad. :( it will be ok.... i hope. gosh this is so likek sad. im so sorry about your life. i feel like crying.

[May]

i know a andrew. yes he is mean