Crush

This is a journal on a boy I really liked, Josh. This is all true. It's from his perspective. (Names, ages, and grades are changed for privacy)

~the day before the dance~
I waited in the hall and talked to amanda on what I should say. Then, alyssa came out of my homeroom. Her eyes scanned the hall until she spotted me. She looked down and zoomed past me.
"Hey!" I called out. She ignored me.
"Alyssa!" Amanda yelled.
Alyssa turned around slowly. "Yeah?" She said.
I stepped up, "you wanna go to the dance.... with me?"
"Um sure," she studdered.
I nodded and she sprinted to her classroom. Her friends crowded around her.
"Woah! Alyssa! Your face is red as a tomato!" I heard one of them say.

~at the dance~
I kept seeing alyssa glance at me. I dreaded any slow songs to come on.
But then, a slow song came on. Alyssa quickly sat down. She was waiting for me to ask her. I wanted her to ask me. She looked desperate. The slow song was over, but then another came on. Alyssa talked to tara and michelle. Then michelle walked up to me and alyssa chased after her.
"Are you-" michelle started to say, but alyssa cut in.
"Wanna dance?" She said.
I shrugged and stood up.
She lead me to a spot and just stood there.
"You don't have to be afraid to ask me. You could've just asked me," I said.
"I know..." alyssa said, embarrassed.
"You ready?"
She nodded.

~months later~
Months go by. Alyssa tried to convince me that she didn't like me anymore. I didn't believe her.
We tease her. Especially anthony.
One time alyssa was alone at lunch and anthony kept calling alyssas name and pointing at me. Another time, alyssa was walking in the hall and when we walked passed her, anthony said, "look, here's josh," and pushed me toward her.
"Hey! Watch out," I said.
One day alyssa actually got mad. Her and manuela came back to the library to get their recorders and my class was there. There's a window between the library and the hall and alyssa sunk down so that I couldn't see her. Anthony pointed and laughed. Manuela made her get back up. Alyssa got up and hid behind the door. When manuela opened the door, alyssa stood in the doorway. Everyone giggled. Then mrs. Hessen called alyssa over to get something. Alyssa went up. My table was in the front of the class so she was standing right in front of me.
"Hi," kaylee said to alyssa, so she could turn around and see me.
Alyssa glanced at her and said "hi," back. Then she covered her face.
"See! She always does that!" I said to be funny. Everyone laughed. Alyssa turned bright red and walked back to the doorway.
"Hurry up manuela!" She whispered. I smirked and got up to sharpen my pencil on purpose. Then alyssa got mad and said, "oh god,  manuela, let's go," and she stomped away.
Later in the hall, she walked passed me and I said, "don't freak out!"
"Shut up! I hate you!" She yelled.
    When I was at archery, I went to the bathroom which was at the horse farm which was where alyssa was. Everytime I looked at her, she looked away. I could here her whispering to tessa about me.
     One morning, after snack, my class was lined up in front of mr. Pagorias room for math. I heard two voices around the corner and then saw alyssa and her friend. She saw me and hid behind her friend and kept walking. Then her friend said, "look there's josh," and alyssa ran into the bathroom. Everyone burst out laughing. Then when she came back out, justin said, "look there's josh," and alyssa zoomed off again.

~in the hall~
I was walking in the hall and looked up and saw alyssa with her friend. I smiled and waved. She looked down. Then when I walked past her, I said, "oh, you're so nervous,"
"Jerk," alyssa said. She walked on.

~wednesday~
     Alyssa and autumn were walking behind me and justin out to recess. I heard alyssa say,"look it was a joke ok?"
"What, that you wrote joshs name on the table?!" Autumn said loudly.
Me and justin laughed quietly. Alyssa shoved autumn and said,"shut up! Gawd!"

~at electives~
I went to the bathroom at archery with luis and he was making fun of alyssa for being nervous.
"Your so nervous!" Luis said.
"Shut up! Did you tell him? Does he know?"
"No,"
"Tell him!"
Luis turned to me and said, "josh, alyssa likes anthony now. Not you."
"Whatever," I said and went into the bathroom.
When I came back out, alyssa said, "josh! You have a big head!"
"I know! I have a big brain!" I laughed.

~the valentines day dance~
Alyssa never asked me to dance. I never asked her to dance.
Manuela came up to me, "so are you gonna dance with alyssa?" She said.
"No!" I said, "there are 20,000 guys out there in the world!"
Later, I think manuela must've told alyssa, because for the next past slow dances, she sat down with her face in her hands. I must have really hurt her. Was I supposed to care? No. Like I said, there are 20,000 guys out there. She doesn't have to be with me.

~ash wednesday~
I talked to sergio and anthony while I was waiting in the hall for the 7th graders to come out of my homeroom.
Nothing had happened between me and alyssa in a week so I didn't expect anything today.
They came out. I kept talking to sergio and anthony. Then I heard a girl's voice say: "hi josh,"
"Hey," I said without looking.
Then I heard a laugh as the person walked away.
"Wait who just said hi?" I asked.
"Alyssa," anthony said.
"Oh,"
We all cracked up.

~friday~
I was walking out to recess. Alyssa and amanda were in front of me talking. Alyssa glanced at me. Then she turned around, smiled, and said, "hi josh,"
"Hey," I said and smiled.

~on the way to math~
All I've been getting is "hi's" from alyssa. again it happened.
I was walking to math by myself. The rest of my class was behind me. I heard a couple of girls laughing around the corner. Then I saw alyssa turn the corner with autumn.
"Hi josh," alyssa said.
I looked at her then said, "hey,"

~Wednesday, waiting in the hall to math~
I was lined up outside math waiting for mr. Pagoria to let my class and I in. Alyssa's class walked passed us and, of course, alyssa said, "hi josh,"
I didn't say hey back. My friends were around. I wanted to look cool. I shook my head. Someone imitated alyssa's voice, "hi josh,"
Alyssa looked down.
When her class came out of my homeroom, she walked quickly passed me with her head down. She didn't look up or at me. She wasn't even walking with one of her friends. She was back to her nervous stage.

~thursday~
Me and paul pushed the C.O.W. into the hallway. Alyssa's class were waiting in the hall. I glanced at alyssa and she looked away. I kept walking. What did I do wrong? She still likes me, I know it, but now she's ignoring me...

~friday~
Me and alyssa kept glancing at each other at church.
Then while I was in class, she and manuela came in and gave mrs. Horn a banana shake. I glanced at her and then just kept talking to justin.
At electives, I fooled around in cooking. I saw manuela and amanda wave at someone.
"Who did you wave at?" I asked them.
"Alyssa...." manuela said.
I smiled. "Mrs. Hessen can I go to the bathroom?"
"Yes," mrs. Hessen answered.
I pretended to do a sexy walk as I walked out. Manuela and amanda giggled. Alyssa made a quick look at me and then looked at her script.
Later, when we were outside after school, alyssa said hi.
"Hey," I said.

~monday~
Alyssa didn't notice me when she came out of my homeroom. Then, she dropped her pencil bag. It landed next to me. She stopped and turned around. She looked at me and picked up her pencil bag. She ran towards her classroom.
"I didn't do that on purpose!" She yelled.
At the end of the day, alyssa and some other girls from her class came into my classroom. They asked mrs. Horn for the C.O.W. autumn tried pushing alyssa into the classroom and alyssa almost fell backward.
"Josh, can you get the router?" Mrs. Horn asked me.
"No way," alyssa said and she walked out. Some of my friend laugh quietly.
I unplugged the router and walked out. I waited for someone to take it. Manuela looked at alyssa but she wasn't paying attention. Manuela took the router from me and I walked back inside.

~wednesday~
I walked out of the classroom and into the hall to wait for anthony and justin. Alyssa, manuela, and amanda came around the corner laughing. Then when alyssa saw me, her smile dropped. They started whispering about me, then stopped when anthony and justin walked by. I went inside with them.

~thursday~
I walked to the bathroom and when I got there, alyssa was near it, tying her shoe. Manuela was standing next to her and said, "look there's josh,"
Alyssa looked up, turned bright red, and continued to tie her shoe. I smiled and went into the bathroom.

~in cooking~
Amanda walked up to me and said, "so, do you like alyssa?"
"No," I said. Amanda kicked me. I went to say hey to alyssa in drama but she wasn't there.
"She left early to go to epcot," amanda said.
"Oh," I said.

~monday~
I walked out of life skills. All of a sudden I heard alyssa say, "that's attractive," then she saw me and said, "oh wait, not that!"
I looked back and made a face, but laughed.

~tuesday~
It's been a week and nothing's happened. What's going on?

~thursday~
New haircut

~friday~
I was walking into spanish and alyssa was walking out. She said something to anthony and didn't look at me.
When I was in spanish, Alyssa and Manuela came in again to check out books. I got up to sharpen my pencil on purpose so she could notice me. She did, but nothing happened. When she checked out a book, she glanced at me, but completely ignored me the whole time. Then they left. No words said. Nothing happened. No nervous breakdown. No covering the face. No hiding. And no running out of the room...... She's changed.

~spring break~
I was over at luis' house and he was texting someone. Suddenly, he started laughing.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm making fun of Alyssa about  you,"
"What? Lemme see,"
Luis gave me his phone and I looked at the texts. I saw the last two:
Luis: look, don't be surprised that I'm hanging out with ur dream boyfriend
Alyssa: he's not my dream boyfriend! Because he never will be! Because he thinks I look like S**T!
Okay, so I felt guilty... and I solved it by doing this:
Luis: it is josh. Don't think that way. I just don't want to be more than friends.
Alyssa: josh? O_O ohmygawd....
Me: yes. If you want to prove it, call.
Alyssa: haha... that's ok...
Alyssa: honestly josh, I don't like you anymore
Me: why do u get nervous when you walk by me
Alyssa: you always say that!
Alyssa: I swear, I liked someone else.
Me: ok
Alyssa: but... um.... josh? Can I have your phone number again? I lost it -_-
Me: why
Alyssa: ok... so maybe I still like you.... but not as much as I used too.
Me: ok
I never gave her my phone number.
She called luis and was cracking up for no reason. He hung up and I said, "wow, she is so annoying,"
Later, she texted luis again and said: btw, I never wanted to be 'more than friends' with josh. I just thought he was cute.
"Sure..." I said. Me and luis laughed.

~tuesday~
I was at recess out on the field and I was messing with manuela and amanda. Then I saw this ball fly past me. I turned around and saw alyssa looking at me, covering her mouth.
"Oh, so you tried to hit me?" I laughed. Alyssa started to giggle and I chased after the ball.

~thursday~
I was walking in the hall and Alyssa and Autumn were too.
"Hi josh," Autumn said.
"Eh," Alyssa said.
Then when I turned the corner, I could hear Alyssa freaking out.

I was at recess out on the field and I saw a ball fly passed me again! I looked up and saw Alyssa running to get it.
I laughed and yelled, "You know what!" I went to kick the ball, but Paul beat me to it and kicked it into a tree. The ball landed on the ground.
"Oh, that works!" Alyssa yelled.
"But I didn't kick it!" I yelled back.
The ball rolled toward me again and I picked it up. I looked up at Alyssa, but she didn't say anything, so I didn't say anything either. I passed her the ball, and she smiled. I smirked, but I didn't really smile.

~friday~
I kept making fun of alyssa for being nervous. She actually talked to me though.
I walked out of my classroom and saw her hanging out by the drama closet.
"Wait, josh," she said.
"What?" I said back.
"Are you going to the dance?" She asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Okay," she smiled and ran back into the drama classroom.
"Aww," Anthony said and smirked.
Later, I was talking to jacob about how alyssa freaks out when she sees me. Then, she stepped out from behind him and put her hands on her hips and shook her head at me.
I laughed and waved and copied her. She giggled.

~at the dance~
Me and alyssa kept glancing at each other. She actually talked to me. One time she even said: "I'm not being nervous!"
"Yeah, this used to be you," I said and acted out how she would freak out when she saw me.
Luis noticed he was standing inbetween us and he said, "oh sorry, I'm dividing you," he smiled and moved out of the way. Alyssa rolled her eyes and I tackled luis.
One time, luis and alyssa were yelling at each other.
"Ostritch!" Luis would say.
"George lopez!" Alyssa would say.
The kept going on back and forth.... until I tackled luis again and alyssa would laugh.
At the end, me, luis, alyssa, autumn, manuela, and amanda were sitting around.
Alyssa looked down, then she walked away with manuela. They came back and alyssa typed something on her phone. She yelled to autumn and alyssa pointed to her phone. I thought she was talking to me but she shook her head and pointed at autumn. Autumn read a text and said, "what?"
Alyssa whispered something to autumn and autumn said, "ewwww!"
Alyssa texted amanda, too. I had no idea what was going on.

~Wednesday~
I was coming back inside with anthony and justin, and I saw Alyssa walking with her friends. She didn't freak out, but when anthony dropped his clipboard, alyssa laughed and said, "hey you dropped something," anthony repeated what she said in a squeaky. Alyssa glanced at me and walked away.

~luis' party~
It was awesome. Me and Alyssa actually talked. And I got to show off some of my Black Ops moves.
I hid in the woods with luis and amanda. Everyone found us except for manuela and alyssa. They were looking around and I heard someone say, "josh! If you love alyssa you'll stay in the woods! If you come out then you don't!"
"Oh screw it," I said and started to move out.
Luis stopped me and said, "shh, don't! Its a trick!"
"No!" I said. Luis tackled me.
Later, they found us and we watched a movie. Luis turned on Paranormal Activity and everyone freaked out. Me and Amanda sat really close, because we were scared. Then, alyssa had to leave.
A little into the movie, I put my arm around amanda. We kinda got comfortable...
Me and amanda talked. Then I announced it to everyone, "we're dating!" I kissed amanda on the cheek. Everyone was surprised.
Good thing Alyssa wasn't there....

~Wednesday, Graduation party~
Alyssa kept avoiding me. I guess she found out what happened between me and amanda. Whenever I walked up to get a drink, she would walk away and pretend to take a break. One time she was laughing with manuela and amanda and when I walked up, she frowned and walked away. She didn't look at me. She never freaked out or got nervous.
I'm never gonna see her again, though. I'm graduating.

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not a professional... and these were just little notes I took about things that happened between us

Reviews

[Kayla]

Wow this is great :)

[Keizia]

It was cool, but I got confused x]

[lovely-livia]

i second that A.A!!

[xxxxSweetDreamsxxxx]

I really liked it :)