Prologue

A simple fight and magical capture scene.

                The orange haze caused by the two red suns laid seemly on the far mountain peaks creating an almost picturesque scene if not for the screams of dying men and the clash of iron. The breeze swept through carrying with it the smell of piss, gore, and a bestial odor. One of the hooded men coughed and pulled his cloak up over his nose. The man on his right turned towards him with a small chuckle that shook his body like a spasm.

“You’ve smelled death for years and still you gag like a noblewoman.” The right man spoke in a gruff, cutting tone. He turned back to his silent vigil hidden under his large brown cloak.

“Doesn’t mean I like it to smell it. That reek has never gotten easier to handle.” The man on the left muttered, his voice muffled greatly by the cloth over his face. His voice had a musical lilt too it, it was a younger voice, yet it rang with an unknown power. The man on the right just shook his head and remained silent.

                The two sat on a rocky outcrop looking over a small stone garden. Fingers of the earth reached for the sky in agony, twisted and gnarled, amongst them small dead trees stretched out breathing in the harsh air. The two men were completely covered by the large cloaks they wore hiding any identifiable features. The battle commenced far too their left hidden by the cracked terrain.

                The sound of hooves began to echo across the small garden. Instantly the men went for weapons. The one on the right clutched the haft of an axe. The iron axe head had flecks of pitch black metal in it. The left man drew a short sword of the same design. They slid from their resting spot and waited as the galloping sound closed in on them. The whole garden waited in rigid anticipation until a creature burst out from behind the tall stone spires.

                The beast stood seven foot tall and was clad in leather armor. In one hand a longsword swung wildly with its charge. Tan fur poked out from under the leather and from its head long horns rose in a curve. Its hooves scattered pebbles in the frantic run. It skidded to a stop and snorted as it saw the two men waiting. Blood caked one arm and fresh gore hung from the right horn. The beast shook its head and growled a deep, guttural sound filled with hate.

“Don’t kill him.” The man on the left barked as the other man brought his axe to bear. It clanged against the longsword and swirled back into a left swing. The beast blocked and backpedaled. Large brown eyes glared out from under the horns as it took the offensive with a heavy downward chop.

                The man standing in the back raised his arm and chanted in a strange tongue. Arcane syllables slipped out of his lips and rolled into the spell. The air around him brightened as the magic found veins in the air and followed them to complete its masters will. Energy rushed from around the two combatants as the magic grabbed the beast by its wrists and ankles. The axe man stepped back and watched as the beast struggled against the glowing tethers.

 The beast calmed and began to grunt out a spell, the man quickly resumed his casting to fight the beast’s magic. Sparks cracked and sprung from random veins in the air around them as the man’s counterspell broke the beast’s magic. The firework display continued for several minutes as each spell was cut in half before it could fulfill its goal. The man’s intercepting magic hovered in the arcane veins awaiting command when the beast finally huffed in exhaustion and drooped its head in defeat. The man hissed a few more words and the energy crashed in the beast sending power blaring through it. It roared in pain as the spell dissipated. Its cold eyes looked at its captors oozing hatred. 

Author's Note

Any comments appreciated. Pay special attention to the word choice and let me know if it fits.

Reviews

[Sanhorsey]

Hey, it is quite good though there are a few things which can be changed.
It is seven feet not foot.
I think it would be better to say 'the man on the left,' rather 'the left man.'
Also, I don't think you build a really good and clear picture of the beast in the reader's mind. I think it would be good you try comparing it to one of the animals on earth, or something of the sort, so it is clear and obvious for the reader and helps him/her move on with the story and visualize the whole scene better.
Finally, considering that you were later describing the man chanting and what was happening, it would be better to say. 'The man standing in the back raised his arm and started chanting,' rather than 'chanted'. At least that is how it sounds right to me.

[David Jae]

I like the your use of dialogue in the beginnin, although there are some spelling mistakes later. For example, you say shirt sword rather than short sword, but that might be predictive text.

The fight at the end is good, although it could benefit from a little tightening up.

Overall, this has a lot of potential. Good job.

[Hunter Hughes]

Thank you so much! I'm still thinking about how to tighten up the fight scene and really capture the image I'm striving for.

[David Jae]

Less is more, in my experience. Keep at it. You'll get there...