[untitled]

 

The Dragon & The Sparrow: (Revised starting 1/2008)

 

 

CHAPTER ONE: Love At First Sight

 

Prince Balthazar de Calabria, heir to the throne of the Dragon Clan, rulers of the Kingdom of Calabria, was to preside over the opening ceremonies of the Harvest Festival. He reveled in the abundance of mouth watering scents and smells emanating from the various food stalls.

 

 This was his duty each year as the representative of the ruling clan. He was to partake of the first meal made from the food crops that were harvested, and the first drink of the newly vinted wines made from the grapes harvested that year. He enjoyed this duty more than any other of the duties of his position with the possible exception of his duties as Field Marshall of the Armies of the Kingdoms. It was really the only time he could completely relax and enjoy himself.

 

He had a taste of every kind of food that was available and every kind of beverage available too. The only danger was in imbibing too much of the wines and beers available thereby ending his night early. The leader of his personal guard, Sindara Quiles of the Griffin Clan who had grown up with him from childhood, would scoop him up at the first sign of intoxication, throw him over her shoulder, and carry him off to his rooms in the Royal residences located on the palace grounds. The Prince could not overrule her because her orders came directly from the Queen, his mother Zenobia. Besides, Sindara was a Hunter.

 

Hunters were a select group of warriors who had skills, strengths and training greater than that of any other warrior in the world. They could sneak up on anyone without a sound being made to warn the prey being hunted. They would be seen only if they wished it to be so; their skills at avoiding detection could not be duplicated by any other trained warrior in the world. If a Hunter wanted to, he or she could climb in through a victim’s window unseen and unheard, cut the throat of their prey, and leave without arousing the prey’s sleeping partner. Of course this led to many rumors and legends being created around the stories of Hunters, thereby causing even more mystery to be attributed to these special warriors.

 

This, of course, made Balthazar reluctant to get his childhood friend angry with him. In hand to hand combat he was no match for her. She could and would knock him unconscious in order to secure his safety if necessary. And she was the only person in the world, besides his mother of course, who he would allow to get away with that. She also was his best friend in the world, and he knew she only had his best interests at heart.

 

Balthazar was now ready to perform the ritual of the opening ceremony for the festival. Before him was a long table, long enough to seat fifty men comfortably. Arrayed on this table, from one end to the other, was an assortment of foods and beverages. He must take a taste of each offering, bless each offering, and thank the ancestors for the bounty they received.

In all, there were 30 different foods and beverages to partake of. This was why he had only a taste of each. Too much food would make him sluggish, too little would not help counteract the effects of the intoxicating beverages he had to partake of.

 

“Well, my Prince. From the looks of things, you have your work cut out for you. There seems to be quite a large selection of foods to sample. The number and variety of wines also seem to have become more numerous. Be careful not to partake of too much wine. I would hate to have to carry you back to the palace over my shoulder. I’m sure the sight of the Heir Apparent being carried off like a sack of grain would be embarrassing to say the least.” she smiled mischievously as she said this.

 

“No doubt. It would be even more embarrassing if you had to subdue me first due to my inebriated state. It wouldn’t be very dignified for a Prince to be rendered unconscious by the head of his own personal bodyguard!” he said mirthfully.

 

Sindara laughed and said, “Remember the Harvest Festival just four years past? Ha, ha, ha! I still remember the look on your face just before I had to render you unconscious. You had so much to drink that you’d started imagining you were 7 feet tall. You began picking fights with everyone you met. You finally picked a fight with some mercenaries from the Bear Clan. Ha, ha, ha. You were ready to fight them all until I stepped in, explained that you were drunk and therefore not in control of yourself. Still, they weren’t satisfied until I landed a right hook to your jaw and knocked you unconscious. Oh, my! They looked satisfied, but seemed more impressed with my right hand than with the way I handled the matter. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen tonight my Prince.”

 

Balthazar barked out a laugh and said, “Please, don’t remind me! My jaw ached for a week and was swollen for at least half that time! Oh, no! You won’t have to worry about that happening again, that’s for sure!”

 

“Good! But seriously, we have been friends since childhood and I consider you to be my best friend in the world. It pains me to see you suffer any pain.” Sindara said this with a serious look on her face, her compassion for him evident in her eyes.

 

“Yes Sindara, I know. It hurts me when I place you in such a position, though you are the only person in the world who could get away with that. But, don’t worry; I won’t put you in such a position again. I care for you too much as a friend to allow that to happen again. Besides, you pack a hell of a punch!” Balthazar said with a smile.

 

An hour later, having done his duty and having partaken of every offering on the banquet table, Balthazar was feeling a little sluggish and a little tipsy. This year there were many more offerings for him to partake of. The Harvest Festival grew each year, as more and more people showed up for the festival. As a result, Balthazar decided to walk throughout the city and make an appearance at the many locales where merchants had set up shop.

 

The main reason for this was to work off some of the food that presently had him feeling full and sluggish. And his preference for being among his people was one of the reasons he was so beloved by his subjects. He was seen as “one of the people” due to the fact that he was so approachable.

 

All of this traipsing about through crowds of people caused his bodyguards great consternation in that having that many people around their Prince made it more difficult to protect him. Of course the Prince was the best swordsman in the known world. He was very well equipped to defend himself in any and all situations. Having so many people around him and approaching him made them more nervous than a mouse in a room full of cats! So far, there had been no incidents to worry about.

 

Balthazar continued on through the festival, beginning in that main market area and taking a circuitous route that would take him through all of the locales now set up in the city. When he reached the end of his tour through the city, he would end up near the palace. As Balthazar had his back to the street, he was sampling a new wine called Sangria that was the color of blood, thus the name, when he heard Sindara yell out.

 

A group of men in long robes, they were dressed in the long layered robes of the nomads who lived in the Arena Del Fuego desert, approached Balthazar’s group. But Balthazar could see, from the bulges under their robes, that they were dressed this way in order to hide the swords they were carrying in order to appear unarmed. Sindara had apparently seen a sword under the robes of one of the “nomads” when a gust of wind revealed it to her, causing her to yell in warning.

 

“My Prince! Behind us quickly! We are under attack!” Sindara screamed.

 

Balthazar’s guard quickly formed a box formation around the Prince in order to keep him safe. Balthazar, however, was having none of this.

 

“I will not hide from any man! Make way for me in the front so that I may engage the enemy!”

 

Reluctantly, his guards made a space for him in the front of the formation beside Sindara, who had already dispatched three of the 15 men in the group attacking.

 

“My Prince! I told you to get behind us! Please, let us perform our duty to protect you!” Sindara pleaded.

 

“I will not! I am a more than competent swordsman and can more than handle myself in a fight! Besides, a true leader leads from the front! Now, stop trying to grab all the glory for yourself. There are enough victims to go around.”

 

Sindara glanced at Balthazar from the corner of her eye, making sure to keep the enemy in her line of vision. She saw the smile on his face as he prepared to engage the enemy and smiled along with him. He, like herself, gloried in the physicality of combat. He moved with a fluid grace that was almost uncanny. Every stroke he gave showed the power and quickness he developed through years of the best training the kingdom’s Master At Arms drilled into him. He was one of a very few warriors who could stand with her. Still, her duty was to protect her Prince. She moved close enough to him to be able to defend his flanks should need be, but not so close that she herself would be struck by him during the heat of battle.

 

Balthazar was now engaging two of the men before him, one on his right, the other moving towards his left side in order to present a dual front. Knowing that if he allowed this to happen he would be outflanked, Balthazar parried the sword stroke from the man on his right and kicked his legs from under him.

 

He then immediately spun to his left quicker than his opponent could react, freezing him with surprise. Balthazar, now to the left of his second attacker, ducked under a high stroke from his opponent and stepped forward, sword extended, and ran that attacker through.

 

The attacker on his right was by now on his feet and began his attack just as Balthazar used his foot to push his first victim off of his sword point in order to make sure he didn’t take the sword with him to the ground. Balthazar was just in time to parry a series of quick and powerful sword thrusts from the second attacker. This opponent was faster and a better swordsman than the first.

 

 

Seeing no attackers to the right of his opponent, Balthazar circled to the left in order to separate him from his fellows. The next few seconds, or minutes, it was hard to tell the passage of time during a battle, were filled with a flurry of attack and counter-attack. Victory over this opponent would not come as easy as the first.

 

Balthazar’s opponent made an overhand swing reminiscent of his first opponent’s mistake. He parried the sword stroke and stepped forward, as before, intending to run his opponent through. At the last second, his opponent spun to the right in order to take him from the flank and lop off his sword arm as it was extended. Balthazar recognized the attack and in an instant, faster than his opponent could react, spun to his right. He was now on his enemy’s flank and his side was exposed. Quickly, before his opponent had time to recover, he thrust his sword point through the man’s side piercing all the way through to his heart. Balthazar withdrew his sword and the enemy combatant fell dead to the ground.

 

Meanwhile, Sindara and the rest of the guard were dispatching the rest of the enemy with precision workmanship. Sindara, having no one left to stand against her, started counting the bodies lying dead on the ground. She counted 10 dead on the ground, and two still fighting against the rest of the guard. “That’s twelve, and counting the two Balthazar has just dispatched, that comes to fourteen. Fourteen!?!? Gods! Where is the other one?” she thought to herself.

 

Now Sindara turned to look in Balthazar’s direction. His last spin move put him farther away from Sindara than she realized. She had somehow lost track of him during the fight, and the last enemy combatant was moving towards him from behind! Balthazar was unaware of that fact! Sindara knew she couldn’t cross the distance before the enemy ran her Prince through!

 

Sindara changed her grip on her sword so that she now held it like a spear. She drew her arm back and let fly the sword. It flew straight as an arrow, covering the distance to the target much faster she could run, and she was faster than anyone she knew.

 

The enemy combatant, thinking he was about to deliver the fatal blow to the Prince from behind, raised his sword high overhead to deal a punishing killing blow. At that moment, Sindara’s sword struck him in the back, penetrating through his body, sword point sticking out of his chest just as Balthazar turned around. The enemy opponent fell face forward into the dust of the street, eyes glazing over.

 

 

Balthazar had a look of surprise on his face. He had let himself relax after slaying his two opponents. That was an almost fatal error. He was angry with himself for making such a foolish mistake. But not as angry as Sindara!

 

She crossed the distance between them quickly, and was nose to nose with him immediately.

 

“Fool! How could you leave your back exposed like that!!?? Not even a novice swordsman would make that mistake! You have had the best training any warrior could wish for, and then you do this!??! If I wasn’t so relieved that you are still alive, I’d beat you soundly about the head and shoulders!!!! You had better count yourself more than fortunate to have survived this little battle! For had you died, I would have paid a Necromancer to bring you back to life so that I might have the pleasure of beating you to death!”

 

Sindara was so angry that Balthazar imagined he saw smoke emanating from her ears. Balthazar’s anger at himself was barely held in check, but he knew that Sindara was right. If not for her, the Kingdom would have been left without an heir. He had almost failed in his duty to his kingdom. For if he had been killed, the kingdom would have been thrown into civil war once his mother’s time had passed. There would have been no King to take over the reins of ruler-ship. Thank the ancestors for Sindara’s quick thinking! Chastened and embarrassed, Balthazar addressed his best friend and bodyguard.

 

“I am sorry! You are right. My foolishness almost left the kingdom without its future King. I am constantly being told how I am the “greatest warrior the kingdom has ever known.” I almost got myself killed admiring my own handiwork. What greater fool can there be than me?!” Balthazar looked at the ground, downcast and embarrassed beyond words.

 

Seeing this, Sindara immediately felt sorry for him. Yes, he did a stupid thing and endangered himself and the future of the kingdom, but that could be corrected with some more training. After all, he was still alive, and the future of the Dragon Throne was now, once again, secured. But she still had to make sure that the mistake he made was one he would never forget. She just had to do it in a more comradely fashion.

 

“Yes, well, you should be ashamed! After all, there were only fifteen of them. We should have had a much easier time of it. And you only faced two of them. I personally killed twice as many, plus the one I got at the end. Thereby saving your sorry little princely behind, once again! And so, yet again, you owe me another round of drinks. How many rounds is that now? Ten? Twenty? It’s so many that I’ve lost count!” she said, the mischievous gleam back in her eye.

 

Balthazar’s anger abated and his heart melted. Sindara was truly a friend like no other in the world. She would die for him, and he for her.

 

“Alright, alright. Don’t belabor the point. I know I owe you a few rounds, but twenty!? You haven’t been that lucky, nor I that incompetent. Thanks for the save. You came through again. I am truly lucky to have such a good friend. Uh, but don’t let it go to your head. You don’t want to make the same mistake I made.”, he laughed.

 

Sindara snorted, “Small chance of that! It would take more than a handful of men to best me alone, never with you and twelve guards by my side. Huh! Attacking us with such a small group was suicide, if you ask me.”

 

“Yes, ha, ha. What idiot would attack us and a full squad with only fifteen men? Whoever thought this up must be an idiot. Why the force was so small that I almost believe that it was…..” Suddenly Balthazar and Sindara’s eyes opened wide in fear and understanding.

 

“Oh, my ancestors! It was a diversion!” they both exclaimed together.

 

 

(c) copyright 1998-2008

Reviews

[Jimmy.]

I like this! Very good, a few gramatical mistakes. The content was good, and very descriptive. I would like to see a little bit of magic going on. But thats just me, their could be some in later chapters? This is being continued right.
Well, if you have time check out my writings " The Waging War" and "Shores Aflame in Evermeet"

[jakelsen]

Julian,

First off, thank you for using a legible font that is easy to read! Lots of folks use a font that is either too small or too faint for easy reading. After staring at a computer screen all day, it really hurts my eyes.

An interesting aside is Prince Balthazar's name. I have a minor character in chapter eight whose name is Borthezar. Weird, huh?

You've got the makings of a good story here, lots of action and comradery. I like the fact that Balthazar's best friend and bodyguard is a female. However, as a woman, I'd like to see more physical description of the characters. It helps me to picture the characters more clearly in my mind. For instance, how old are the prince and Sindara?

Since you don't describe the banquet in any depth, you might approach the beginning of the story differently. Either have Balthazar gazing at the loaded table, rubbing his hands in anticipation of the feast, or else dispense with the table altogether and open with the street scene, with a reference to the fact that the prince has just finished his yearly feast-opening duties and is feeling full and sluggish. I think you need a stronger beginning, something to draw the reader in.

On page three, I think you can shorten the paragraph about the nomads and make it just as effective. For example,

"A group of men dressed in the long, layered robes of the Arena Del Guego desert nomads approached Balthazar's group. A gust of wind parted one of the nomad's robes, revealing the sword he concealed beneath."

You've described the men, what they were wearing, and alerted the reader that they are armed and dangerous.

During the fight scene, you switch back and forth from Balthazar's point of view to Sindara's. Generally speaking, each scene should only be told from one person's POV. This is a rule of thumb and something agents and editors look for. I have struggled with POV for several years now, and only recently feel that I have any understanding of it! Anyway, tell things as seen from either Balthazar's viewpoint or Sindara's within the fight scene, not both. Don't panic, it's a simple fix. For example, you say:

"Seeing no attackers to the right of his opponent, Balthazar circled to the left in order to separate him from his fellows. The next few seconds, or minutes, it was hard to tell the passage of time during a battle, were filled with a flurry of attack and counter-attack. Victory over this opponent would not come as easy as the first."

Okay, this is from Balthazar's POV.

"Balthazar's opponent made an overhand swing reminiscent of his first opponent's mistake. He parried the sword stroke and stepped forward, as before, intending to run his opponent through. At the last second, his opponent spun to the right in order to take him from the flank and lop off his sword arm as it was extended. Balthazar recognized the attack and in an instant, faster than his opponent could react, spun to his right. He was now on his enemy's flank and his side was exposed. Quickly, before his opponent had time to recover, he thrust his sword point through the man's side piercing all the way through to his heart. Balthazar withdrew his sword and the enemy combatant fell dead to the ground."

Again, this is from Balthazar's POV. Then you swithc to Sindara's point of view within the scene:

"Meanwhile, Sindara and the rest of the guard were dispatching the rest of the enemy with precision workmanship. Sindara, having no one left to stand against her, started counting the bodies lying dead on the ground. She counted 10 dead on the ground, and two still fighting against the rest of the guard. "That's twelve, and counting the two Balthazar has just dispatched, that comes to fourteen. Fourteen!?!? Gods! Where is the other one?" she thought to herself."

Now Sindara turned to look in Balthazar's direction. His last spin move put him farther away from Sindara than she realized. She had somehow lost track of him during the fight, and the last enemy combatant was moving towards him from behind! Balthazar was unaware of that fact! Sindara knew she couldn't cross the distance before the enemy ran her Prince through!

Sindara changed her grip on her sword so that she now held it like a spear. She drew her arm back and let fly the sword. It flew straight as an arrow, covering the distance to the target much faster she could run, and she was faster than anyone she knew."

All of this is from Sindara's POV. How to fix it? Here's a suggestion:

"Panting, Balthazar lowered his sword and glanced at Sindara. She had dispatched the enemy with typical ease and was counting the dead bodies at her feet. Balthazar grinned. Sindara liked to keep a tally of her kills.

"That's twelve, and counting the two Balthazar has just dispatched, that comes to fourteen. Fourteen!?!?" She scowled. "Gods! Where is the other one?"

Balthazar saw Sindara's eyes widen. Shocked, he watched as his best friend drew her arm back and threw her sword straight at him. The blade whistled past him and Balthazar heard a meaty thunk. Turning, he saw a robed attacker standing behind him. The man stared at the blade protruding from his chest and then fell forward into the street."

Remember, show don't tell.

"Prince Balthazar de Calabria, heir to the throne of the Dragon Clan, rulers of the Kingdom of Calabria, was to preside over the opening ceremonies of the Harvest Festival. He reveled in the abundance of mouth watering scents and smells emanating from the various food stalls."


Okay, you are telling the reader he is to preside over the ceremony and that he reveled in it. Try describing the scene instead from his point of view, engaging the senses.

"Prince Balthazar de Calabria, heir to the throne of the Dragon Clan, surveyed the loaded banquet table with anticipation. The mouthwatering scents of roasted meats, freshly baked bread, and steamed puddings filled his nostrils. (Or whatever kind of foods you want to put here.) As Prince, it was his duty to open the harvest celebration. It was a task he relished. . . blah, blah, blah. You get the idea.

Hope this helps. Remember, this is just my opinion and you know what they say about those. . .
The point is, take it for what it is worth, which may be nothing. I am by no means an expert, but I love to write and I'm a sucker for fantasy.

Jeanie