Endless.

The longing of pain won't seem to go away. 

I've  tried everything.

From painting a smile on my face knowing that I am dying inside to taking pills.

Nothing seems to work.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just end it all.

Everything around me is just so pointless.

I have nothing and I have everything  and yet I still feel so empty inside.

I given up on everything.

Everything.

What happened to me? 

Was it the drugs?

Is it because my mother never loved me?

Because my father wasn't there?

Because he broke my heart? 

Because I never had a home to call home? 

What was it?

I can't seem to figure it out no matter how hard I try.

 When I look at myself in the mirror, I just cry.

Because I know no one will ever love me.

Because I'm not worth it.

Because I'm worthless.

Remember saying that to me?

I remember that day perfectly.

Throwing my cloths out unto the lawn saying I'm a piece of s**t. 

Remember that?

Remember that day? 

I hate you so much that it hurts.

Deep down inside of me I want to let go.

But you keep holding unto me.

Caressing me into the darkness.

Whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

I wake up in the morning feeling nothing.

Doing the same routine everyday.

Wake up. 

Brush my teeth.

Shower.

Get dressed.

Say good morning and out the door I go.

To the same place filled with knowledge and disappointment.

Walking the streets looking to my left and to my right, expecting something different.

Always something different and yet it is still the same.

The same f*****g s**t.

I hate it.

I hate you.

I hate myself.

I hate the person I've become.

Who I am.

What I think.

And what I think about doing.

Author's Note

These are just my thoughts.

Reviews

[just Penny]

"Because I know noone will ever love me.
Because I'm not worth it.
Because I'm worthless.
Remember saying that to me?"
The destructive power of words. They scar, sometimes for life, while the abuser shifts onto their next target. Know the rhetoric for what it is, worthless lies. The sense of self loathing throughout is dramatic and certainly something I relate to at a dark time in my existence. But without darkness, how can there be light? I learned to embrace and harness the dark, it became a tool rather than chains. You have a great gift to put your feelings into wonderful poetry. That is just one part of your golden light within :) Great job. Penny

[Tatiana Casali]

Aw thank you very much. :)

[A. Amos]

Such a poignant write yet I felt honesty in every word, deep and profound! Great write my friend...

[Dark Rider]

I have to agree with Kaze. There's so much emotion being portrayed into this poem, that it really seemed to grip me. I have wondered about a few things that you have mentioned, but it never got further than my thoughts before being pushed away. Yet I was still able to relate greatly with your words. Great job. :)

[Tatiana Casali]

Thank you :)

[Dark Rider]

You're welcome. :)

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

There's very strong emotions in this poem that cut real deep. Nicely written.

Kaze~

[Tatiana Casali]

thank you very much.

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome. :-)

[Aethereal]

This is a very expressive free verse poem that tells me exactly what the problem is for the one experiencing these catastrophic tribulations. She’s obviously not behaving like she wants everyone else to behave. Everyone wants others to love them, but no one wants to love, and this is a dilemma. We feel good inside when we are loved, but we feel even better inside when we love. It doesn’t matter if one’s love for others is returned. Loving in itself releases pleasurable mood changing endorphins in the brain that make us feel on top of the world. Hating releases stress hormones that kill us. If someone hates you, don’t worry for they are not long for this world. Love changes your brain and nervous system for the better through benevolent psychosomatic feedback. Human beings evolved that way from the get go. Unless families stay together through the psychological force of love our species doesn’t survive.

[Tatiana Casali]

interesting concept.