Learning to Smile

A Story by Drakana Wind

A short and slightly random autobiographical piece. Also, it's coming from someone with several weeks worth of writer's block.

    It was only a year and a half ago that smiling was an occurrence reserved for the company of others. This was not because I necessarily enjoyed company (although, sometimes, I admit I did) but because I did not want those I loved to worry. I was numb; my face had frozen into a perpetual expression of indifference. Smiling was as difficult as trying to open a door with hinges covered in ice.
    Eventually, (it was around this time last year) my numbness melted into a sparkling spring. However, I still felt little reason to smile unless I was with someone. A smile didn’t feel necessary for any occasion, only an accessory for enjoyment. What would people think if I smiled when I wasn’t entirely happy –even if I was just content and somehow found amusement in something? I soon became afraid to smile in public; only around close friends or family I felt most comfortable smiling. I used my memory of an indifferent expression to keep me from showing my amusement in public.
    Everything changed several months ago when I discovered that it was highly probably that the guy of my dreams might possibly feel the same about me. Whatever I did, wherever I was, I smiled. For nearly a week, it was nearly impossible not to. A reality check helped me to stop smiling all the time, but I still smiled more often than I can ever remember.
    There are still times, when I stifle my smiles and have to remind myself that it’s okay. Yet, smiling is a habit, now, instead of an accompaniment to shared enjoyment. Maybe it’s because I have learned to enjoy every moment, whether shared or alone, or maybe because I have learned that a smile makes everything seem a little brighter. Whatever the reason, the most important thing I’ve learned so far this year is how to smile.