American Dream

I look at this empty room
With all the lazy asses
And half empty glasses
It's America's tomb
Hands tight around some beer
This is what our nation is now
Sitting around like a fat cow
Is this the dream we hold so dear?

Author's Note

At first this was a challenge from a friend to see if I could write an ABBA rhyme scheme (it was sooo tough for me) but then an idea sparked, and I had to share it with you all ^_^

Its pretty much...well, I don't really want to make you think of it the way I think of it, because then it wouldn't be a poem...
but its pretty much how we strive for this American freedom...and we use it to sit around and watch TV, get drunk, and drink soda all day...

What a waste.

Reviews

[Archia]

You showed what you wanted to show- with the American freedom and sitting around and stuff. I like the idea of an empty room that still has people in it. It good, nice work.

[OT]

you did well with the ABBA rhyme scheme! I'd maybe split it into two stanzas to give more effect to the rhyme scheme - but it doesn't make much difference really - and maybe swap "has" for "is" - this is a great write! and the idea is strong - and one many consider! loved "america's tomb" - nice!

[Black]

well i like it
though the this has what our nation is now...
it doesnt fit... maybe concider to change the sentence?
like, This all our nation is now?
it comprehends your lines from before... or includes atleast...
well... you dont have to listen to me ,
but further it is really nice!