Chapter 1--Awakening

Just how unlucky is it to be the black sheep in a village of white?

His eyes fluttered open. He was looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling. The room was damp. The walls were cold. A single candle far from the boy’s reach very dimly lights the room, causing the shadow of bars to fall on his scrawny form. His feet and hands were as cold as the walls and floor, and his skin the same color; pale and gray. His hair was the color of ashes, but muddled and dirty and swiping over his eyes. His eyes used to bear a vivid, striking blue, but now they were somber; his expression confused. He numbly sat up and felt a sharp pain in his side. He swiped a hand there and drew back in shock; it was wet. He trembled and glanced at his hand; it was quite red, glistening evily in the flickering light. He heard the scurrying of rats and the tromping and clattering of guards, walking back and forth his cell.  He dragged himself to the thick bars; wound throbbing like a heartbeat as he did. He swallowed and watched as a guard came walking by.

“Why am I here?” He rasped in a bitter tone of misery yet determination. The guard eyed him, with golden, solid armor, and a rusty, rotting attitude.

“Well, isn’t that a question to ask?” He sneered. “You’re a really bad kid, so to keep the world safe and happy, we lock up the likes of you.” The boy’s eyes widened and his voice grew stronger and more defiant.

“B--but I didn’t do anything wrong!” He grabbed the bars and his blood smeared on them. He shook them in frustration.  “Hey! Let me go! I don’t belong here!” The guard made a hideous laugh and started to walk away.

“Don’t you know the story your mother used to tell you? The one about the innocent, pure village, and the one cursed child?”

The boy squeezed the bars, ignoring the sharp pain in his side. He shouted angrily; “What are you talking about?!? Hey, wait!!"

The man paused and looked over his shoulder, meeting him with a cold-hearted gaze. “Look at your palms and you shall see,” he said chillingly.

He pulled his hands away from the bars and looked at his hands, rubbing away the blood.

 “What are you--”  Underneath his blood, in the center of his palm, lay an abyss-black spot. The spot representing the symbol of the lunar eclipse, when all turned dark. The mark of the cursed child. The boy stared blankly in disbelief at the blemish. His mind could process nothing. He then shut his eyes and closed his hand around the spot in an iron-tight fist. “No.” He threw himself up and shook the bars harder than ever. “NO! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! I SWEAR I WON’T! I SWEAR!”

Author's Note

I've decided to turn this little idea into a whole book. The other book I initially tried to make is currently sitting in the back-burner because I don't even have a clear idea of the entire plot yet. I mean I know what's gonna happen, I just don't know in what order and how the other stuff's gonna play in. So, I got this sudden, AMAZING plot idea for this and poof! Here it is! XD

Reviews

[Zombified Spider]

Super interesting. The dialogue wasn't fascinating, but the writing made up for it.

[Miss Evans]

This seems like a good start, but I think you could make it a bit more suspenseful. It seems a bit rushed for my likings, and it throws too many things out at once. The guard telling him about the village and the cursed boy gives away the plot of the story, which would be better if it were hidden. Maybe just ‘Remember the stories your mother told you?’ or something vague to keep the reader guessing at what exactly is going on.

If you could make it a little more suspenseful, I think it would be perfect. It could to for some expansion, as well. Dig a little deeper, make it a little darker. I enjoyed it either way, but I think it could be better.

Overall, very well done.

[yukiderp]

i really enjoy dark stories, and this is one of them. so i think this definitely has potential, however i think you should write more for a first chapter, and kind of get something to happen, because i think that's all you're missing right now. otherwise, great job on this :]

[Starcaller]

:S Poor li'l guy, very interesting so far. :D

[A. L. Allen]

I really like this idea. Your imagery and tone are really dark and descriptive, and it really adds to the feeling of the story. The mark is an intriguing element, and I'm excited to see where you take that. :)

Great job once again! Keep me posted for when new chapters come out. :D

[The XYZ Writer]

Wow. This is pretty dark, but I have a feeling that's what you were going for. I'm on the same page with you there about the book. Don't worry, it'll come to you soon. Its really quite maddening I know. I shall be waiting patiently for updates on this book!!!

[Tomislav Petricevic]

This looks kinda cool - the mistery of it all makes me wanna read more. That medieval - fantasy setting is just as I like :D. Descriptions are very good (not too boring). Oh, about that other book you say is in the back - burner, try not to worry too much. The same thing happens to me sometimes - the most important thing is that you must have willpower to write that book. If you have willpower, you can just sit down and write freestyle, putting things in order you see fit at that time. I'm about your age (almost 16 now), so this is not some kind of show-off advice :)