The Car is Lost, the Car is Lost...

Will they ever find the car?

Father and son in parking lot,

It was the car they saught.

To go home

Out of cold and into warm.

 

But the Car is Lost,

Car is lost,

Sunk in shadows,

Sunk in darkness.

 

Try as they might,

Try as they dare,

Can't find it

Can't find it.

 

It teases

baffles

 appalls

They cannot find the car.

 

Something is laughing

guffawing

jeering

with evil intent.

 

The rest of the night is a blur

the morning after

the wife comes

to see sorrowful people.

 

Sorrow

sadness

despair

what has happened to their wellfare?

 

A policeman

face grim

Opens his mouth

They could not find the car.

Author's Note

When I wrote this I was thinking of...a kind of tune. Like you know that posy jingle little kids sang? the truth behind the words was about a plague and posy was the awful medicine they injested. "And we all fall down" shows the devastating effect of the disease. I was sort of trying to do the same thing.

Reviews

[Summer D.]

Amazing job Sunny! It was cute and I think I recognized the tune when I was reading it out loud. Sometimes, me and my mom loose sight of the car and we wander around a bit. :) I think I know where I get my lack of direction. Great job.

Except the last bit is a little bit weird.
You speak of the policeman in a singular tone but it finishes with " They "
I know the reader could assume, " He's a policeman. He has the police force behind me. DUH, he's not going to be alone." But you could've chosen to say

" He could not find the car."

I don't know. I just nit-pick sometimes~

BRAVO!!!

[Archia]

Nice poem. Again I enjoyed the story in this. I'm just a bit confused about the end; what actually did happen to the father and son? My impression is that they died of cold...
I love the short sentences in this, as it gives each an emphasis.

[Starcaller]

Cool poem..reminds me of when we couldn't find our car and had to call my grandparents lol...sorry probably irrelevant to the poem. Anyway nice work :D

[Summer'sBreeze]

this is a great poem!
i love it and the tune you had imagined for it

[Jasmine Thousand]

Oh, so YOU'RE Sunny! LOL
Yeah, sometimes me and my mom can't find our car in the parking lot, and I always think to myself, "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO IF WE CAN NEVER FIND IT?!?!? THE WORLD IS COMING TO AND END!!!" LOL
~Jasmine Thousand~
P.S.
LOVE the tune :)

*100

[Desiree B.]

Dragon X,

Before I read your "Author's Note" I was reading through your poem as if it were a catchy song (honestly). I love the way that your poem tells a story and the emotions that you tie into it drives it all forward. Lastly, trying to convey symbolism into your poem (like the "Ring Around the Posies" song) was brilliant.

Nice work!

[Ami N.]

Haha :) this was a sweet write and reminded me of the time when we forgot where we parked the car on Black Friday (disaster XD). Anyways, we found it after a loong search and this poem totally reminded me of it. Great job!

[A. L. Allen]

Hahaha, this is funny. it reminds me of a time at church where I had to get something out of the car, but I didn't know where my mom had parked! I had to wander around the whole parking lot pushing the unlock button until I found which car was blinking when it was unlocked. :0) Nice job!