Ok. I love to edit...and I found some errors in your story.
First Paragraph: you said "He swipes a cold hand there and draws back." This is changing the tense. Also, "it was quite the red." I think you meant "It was quite red." 'evily' only has one 'l' not 2. You don't need a comma after 'guards.' no semicolon after 'bars' maybe a dash. 2nd Paragraph: Delete the quotatioon mark after 'Hey!' 6th paragraph: Put a quote after 'Hey! Wait!' Other than those edits, the story is really good!
I really really like it! Will it be continnued sometime? Because I really think you could make a WHOLE BOOK out of this! But one note-the name sounds too much like Eclipse (Twilight) to me. Maybe you should call it something like... "Mark of the Cursed" or "Black Abyss" I don't know!
Your story was very great and I just adore the twist that you put in the end. I personally think twists like that really keeps the reader's attention. Your first paragraph sets up the story very well. In my opinion it may need to be shortened just a bit. Usually when I find long descriptive paragraphs in my writings I find ways to say the same thing in fewer words. Overall, I loved it! The imagery is great and the story itself is very suspenseful.
Ok. I love to edit...and I found some errors in your story.
First Paragraph: you said "He swipes a cold hand there and draws back." This is changing the tense. Also, "it was quite the red." I think you meant "It was quite red." 'evily' only has one 'l' not 2. You don't need a comma after 'guards.' no semicolon after 'bars' maybe a dash. 2nd Paragraph: Delete the quotatioon mark after 'Hey!' 6th paragraph: Put a quote after 'Hey! Wait!' Other than those edits, the story is really good!
hi I'm basically a ghost here now
I show up once in a blue moon
I'm all over this nifty lil place called wattpad now, but my writing still sucks so don't go there
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