Something in the weight of my thoughts

Something in the weight of my thoughts

proves me I'm the weakest creature of all,

lost in the plot of my reason against love

shot in the heart by the seasons cast from above,

so sensuously shoved upon this brittle self of mine,

this stranger related to as I

with no face to be recognized by.

Then the bliss of our words amiss

and the brightest honesty

of your eyes leaning on the brink of always

trace an endless expansion

measured by the broken rulers

of our hearty presumptions.

Now I serve toneless atonement

for the only crime of having

drowned and bathed in

your frowns and daisies

withered by the sun invading

us two helpless isles merged

in one inviolable land, together.

But brutal a blare beats

which radiates into the nothingness of

my today after the yesterday of you,

of you recomposing the forgotten

notes for this lost anthem of mine,

of you baptizing my tremors

in the flowing revelation of thine.

And then again,

something in the weight of my thoughts

reveals me the ever lurking beast of subsidence

into an abyss of tears

to be squeezed from this pounding rue,

the throbbing horror of timelessness without you.

Reviews

[Leaner Pastures]

Well said and an excellent picture of the trauma of heartbreak. I am not sure which lines sum up my last few weeks:
"which radiates into the nothingness of
my today after the yesterday of you,"
or
"the throbbing horror of timelessness without you."

Either way, I'll be back to read this one again.

[heido]

Still brutal a blare beats


which radiates into the nothingness of

my today after the yesterday of you,

of you recomposing the forgotten

notes for this lost anthem of mine,

of you baptizing my tremors

in the flowing revelation of thine.

But then again,

something in the weight of my thoughts

reveals me the ever lurking beast of subsidence

into an abyss of tears to be squeezed from this pounding rue,

the throbbing horror of timelessness without you.


I feel as though you haven't managed to reach into my core, where a heart used to flourish and pull from within me the very thing that constricts me. My own heartbroken loss and compendium, I am ever grateful. As you bring about the familiarity of loss I am comforted in the knowledge that it can be recognised and related to, and as such, I can conclude, I am neither alone nore devoid in my recognition. This is sealed only with the tears it brings about as I ecknowledge with you, the time that neither progresses or digresses in the latter existance.

To be without, is a sad affair.

[Doctor JKC]

There's nothing you can really do about it.
Let it play out like a Hendrix solo.

So well put,
Jack

[bre]

Something in the weight of my thoughts
proves me I'm the weakest creature of all

Those first two lines just invited me in right there, my biggest fears are being proven or seen as weak and/or vulnerable. Losing someone you love can do this to you and maybe thats why I'm so scared of it. this poem is everything I'm so afraid to feel, but i loved reading it.

peace of bre.

btw, you probably don't remember me but you are the reason i'm here on this site, so i think i owe you an over due thank you =]. thank you.

[Sorry Infamous]

"my today after the yesterday of you"
amazing line...
My heart burst reading this. Sad and beautiful. There is nothing fair in love... nothing.

[Ed Hart]

You know, I don't intrude upon your world; but I was invited by a friend in common. At first I walked away, thinking this man has friends enough to commune his dark night. Hopefully, my few sentences will get lost in the crowd, and cause no harm. It's hard to see that this experience is a "consummation devoutly to be wished." It's on this rock this "brittle self" is broken. We will be broken until we exchange our hubris for humility. I know you are a man of some knowledge, and that makes you strong in the world, confident. It's at such times as these, when we are deeply wounded, that other kinds of knowing can enter in. I hope you are not offended in my presumption here. I wish you very well...Ed

[Cool Handless Luke]

very finely crafted doc. a very clear and concise insight about those little holes we find in ourselves that seem impossible to fill without the very thing that created it. very nice.

[Pen Draggin']

Very well done. The first poem I read in a while that really used diction effectively. I really liked -> shot in the heart by the seasons cast from above, so sensuously shoved upon this brittle self of mine. Thanks for the read request!

[Subjective Sanity]

Loved it! Especially:

Still brutal a blare beats

which radiates into the nothingness of

my today after the yesterday of you,

of you recomposing the forgotten

notes for this lost anthem of mine,

[fhamie]

thoughts are well expressed..
good write!

[Sheila Kline]

Heavy heart, broken spirit, lost hope...all add up to a heavy load to bear, and certainly adds weight to thoughts.

Your flow is excellent with continuity of message carried from beginning to end!

Excellent write of self condemnation and realization of a life without one who is loved!