Something in the weight of my thoughts

Something in the weight of my thoughts

proves me I'm the weakest creature of all,

lost in the plot of my reason against love

shot in the heart by the seasons cast from above,

so sensuously shoved upon this brittle self of mine,

this stranger related to as I

with no face to be recognized by.

Then the bliss of our words amiss

and the brightest honesty

of your eyes leaning on the brink of always

trace an endless expansion

measured by the broken rulers

of our hearty presumptions.

Now I serve toneless atonement

for the only crime of having

drowned and bathed in

your frowns and daisies

withered by the sun invading

us two helpless isles merged

in one inviolable land, together.

But brutal a blare beats

which radiates into the nothingness of

my today after the yesterday of you,

of you recomposing the forgotten

notes for this lost anthem of mine,

of you baptizing my tremors

in the flowing revelation of thine.

And then again,

something in the weight of my thoughts

reveals me the ever lurking beast of subsidence

into an abyss of tears

to be squeezed from this pounding rue,

the throbbing horror of timelessness without you.

Reviews

[Leaner Pastures]

Well said and an excellent picture of the trauma of heartbreak. I am not sure which lines sum up my last few weeks:
"which radiates into the nothingness of
my today after the yesterday of you,"
or
"the throbbing horror of timelessness without you."

Either way, I'll be back to read this one again.

[LeeLee Ryder]

GOOD TITLE, GOOD OPENING (7LINES)... VERY THOUGHT PROVOKING PIECE..
LOVED THE LAST LINE.. iT TRULY EXPRESSES HEARTACHE..
LOVED THIS POETIC PHRASE:
Still brutal a blare beats which radiates into the
nothingness of my today after the yesterday of you..
THANX FOR SHARING
LLR

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

A young man once read a poem of mine and he contacted me he was 17 then, he was concidering suicide as he was so deeply in love and would never love again and the object of his love had just walked away...he made it through that one ...we continued to chat online . 10 yrs later. He is in love again ,she walks out , he knows he will never love like this again...I know he will because I have uttered such lies.. Now as for the poem ...it is a great poem passionate, real
I address the poem alone I do not know if it is your own or just an ode to a romance anyhow I ramble, it was enjoyed by me.

[justjenn_2u]

I feel the most powerful line in this poem is:

"Then the bliss of our thoughts amiss
and the brightest honesty
of your eyes leaning on the brink of always
trace an endless expansion
measured by the broken rulers
of our hearty presumptions."

These are powerful lines and allow mystery to unfold and made me want to continue reading on. Your writing is unique and your word choice is immaculate.

[Bud]

Heartbreak has to be the toughest pain to overcome... but rest assured that it can be overcome. It is part of the annealing and tempering we go through in life. For if we didn't, we'd break at the least crumb and morsel that falls upon our feet...

[David Lewis Paget]

A little bit too high flown for my taste, but there again, excess is what is expected of youth, and there is nothing more palpable than young love gone wrong. Thank god I don't have to go through all that again!

[Angelheaded Hipster]

"of your eyes leaning on the brink of always"
That....that makes me envious....I adore this piece. I felt like I was watching something intensly private, and yet sad...It hurts to be away from the one you love...it hurts to let it go...
I am so glad I read this...I have no critique...just a thank you.

[Ms. Gruye]

this felt a little more personal than the other parts of your work. It was an interesting choice to group everything in one stanza, this gave me the impression of immediacy and fevered panic, yet your structure maintained logical.

[emmajoy]

Such sadness running through this, not least the final line.

Faults and weaknesses we all have, you express yours in superb style .. but all the while there's the 'other' who took you as you were .. ..'this stranger related to as I with no face to be recognized by. Then the bliss of our thoughts amiss and the brightest honesty of your eyes leaning on the brink of always' '

And then, gone .. dart in the heart time .. when poetry reaches a peak.

[Raven Wilson]

This is an excellent piece, unfortunately it did not hold my attention, perhaps it was the form in which it was written?

[Valentine]

Which radiates into the nothingness of my today after the yesterday of you..love those lines...you have a massu=ive word usage that I seem to have lost along the agin way..Nice job on this one..lol and God bless..Kathie