PMS

This was planned sort of before they're final battle with the enemy. They are in a sort of little home owned by Gwendolyn's brother that he is letting them use.

Rayland slowly stretched, giving a long jaw popping yawn.  Rubbing his eyes, he glanced around.  He was still on the porch where he had decided to take a nap, and the sun was slowly falling from its peak.  Giving another stretch he let out a long happy sigh.

            “Oh yeah, he wakes up in time for lunch.”  He jumped slightly, glancing behind him to see Gwen glaring at him.  “Lazy cad,” she spat as she stepped into the house.  Rayland lay on the porch, mouth open, floundering for a response.

            He came up with, “What?”  He glanced back when he heard a snicker. “What’s her problem?”

            Adrian shrugged, laughing.  “No clue.  Glad I wasn’t the one being lazy today though.”

            “That would be your luck.”

            “Something good had to come from being a magic born.”  Adrian gave another laugh.  “Now, I’m going to go subtly kiss up to our dearest maiden and clean up the back yard so that it doesn’t flood when the next rain comes.”

            “Good idea.”

            “I know.  But you stay right there.  She’s less likely to realize I’m kissing up if you aren’t helping me.”

            “No.  It just makes you look better.”  Rayland lay back down with a scowl.

            “That too.”  Adrian waved a goodbye and disappeared.  Rayland tucked his hands behind his head and glared at the roof.  He only moved when Percival sneaked out and sat next to him, leaning against another beam.

            “She attack you too Percy?” Rayland asked, sitting up.  Shaking his head, letting his golden hair flare out, Rayland yawned.

            “Sort of,” the elf replied.  “She started kicking the cabinets so I just decided to stay out of the way.”  Percival shrugged.

            “I think she’s on her period.”

            “She can’t be.”  Percival glanced over at Rayland, who looked back in shock.

            “Dude, she’s totally PMSing!”

            “Yes,” Percival said slowly, nodding.  “Then, unless dearest Gwendolyn is unusual, she can’t be on her period.”  Percival then glanced out at the yard.

            “Seriously?” Rayland looked to find what Percival was checking out.  An alley cat slowly walked on the fence, golden brown eyes watching the two men.  “That explains why I was always a week off.”

            “You tried to plan? And was always a week off? Wouldn’t that tell you something, Rayland?”

            “How’d you know?”

            “I grew up with five sisters.  It was difficult.  Their periods would all try to align with one another, and when my dearest mother fell into menopause all the sync went out the window and flew away.  I was the middle child, and had to put up with it my whole life.  It was easier before Mother fell into menopause, since most of the periods were in sync and all six just PMSed on the same week.  Me and my father, if we were able to, tried to go camping or something similarly listed under male bonding time to get out of the house.”  Percival shrugged.  “We came back and the house was always spotless.”

            “I’m so sorry.”

            “You only had your Mother correct?” Percival asked, standing.

            “Thankfully.  And she didn’t have monstrous mood swings.”  Rayland stood as well.  “Think you can handle the p***y cat long enough for me to get my spear?”

            “Probably.  Gwendolyn and Adrian I’m sure will be out soon enough.”

            “Yeah, probably.”  Rayland shrugged and walked into the house as the cat started to glow.  Percival slid his feet apart and grabbed the hilt of his sword, ready to draw.  The demon cat charged as the door shut.

            “Stop slamming the dang doors, lousy dog!” Gwendolyn screamed, waving a kitchen knife at Rayland dangerously.

Author's Note

This is one of my favorites really.