A Visit From The Devil (Part 3)

I stayed in the garret for three days pacing in my chair to and fro thinking of what I could tell that inquisitor if he showed up again and I knew he would show up at any second. I am one of his premium patients. Gentlemen, I would like to confess something to you before that creature comes and haunts me again. Do you know what I am good at? What I artistically do? I destroy lives. I met too many people in my life and I swear to you Gentlemen that all of them -No exception- had troubles when they were around me. I am superstitious enough to say that I am a man of ill omen. I believe in science but I am superstitious. I don't know how two opposite characters can perfectly fit in one person. I said I destroy lives. Strange! I destroy them even when I love them. My love is a poison, I swear to you Gentlemen that I am not making up stories here. I am not here to entertain you in any way. My victims are suffering at this moment and I am in this room nagging you. And I am good at complaining too. I am afraid of being with people, I am afraid of everything... everything... I am living extreme anxiety. My body aches when I remember all the damage I made, all that chaos I created in pure and honest souls. Pangs, pangs, pangs! You are still reading.. You have the kindness to listen to my nonsense. Oh weariness again! But where does this come? My brain is burning and I can't put my feelings into words.

I cannot no longer wake up in the morning without my heart beating so fast. The souls of those I harmed are haunting me.. A real disease! And talking about diseases... Argh! I do not want to treat it, and you know what? Let it get worse! You are laughing... I don't make any sense. I know. I destroyed lives! How can I sleep now? Tell me! You healthy people can drop your worries easily, I envy you! I stood in front of my mirror yesterday, it glowed lips and told me that I deserve more than what I am going through. People trusted me and how did I pay them back? I put a lock on my heart that was beating too hard, and I let my victim suffer. Sadistic? No! I did it unwillingly. Now I can't undo the past. They will not forgive me. I cried too much but it didn't help at all. I am meant to suffer. I am a despondency prey. That's it my friends! Humm! You think my dear readers that what I said above is nothing more than a mare's-nest... And that you already know who I am.. Nothing new, you say! You might be right! But I like to talk about myself just like you do.

I cannot sleep at night and my health is declining. My self-esteem touched the ground. I hurt people who were in the past the only shoulder I was leaning on. I will stay in my garret for the coming days thinking and mourning my fate. I exult every moment of it though. See my friends! People told me when I was younger that once I grow up, I will meet my love and we will run away with impunity and take refuge in a hut by the sea. Once there, we will begin to coo, to talk feelings and spend our lives happy and fulfilled... It was a lie! The biggest lie ever!

Hmm... I guess my guest put off the visit for tomorrow.

“I am here!” someone uttered a voice in the dark corner of my garret. “Cold tea! Is it all you have here? I am starving.”